Thursday, December 31, 2015
The 31st Day of December, A Gift of Life
To most this symbolizes the last day of the year. To others in cultures different than ours, it can mean something totally different. It's all in the perception and how we look at things. I choose to look at today as a gift.
A gift of Life.
You see today is the day my parents gave birth to me.
And I am so happy and grateful that I am healthy and here on this planet to celebrate this day with my friends and my family.
The gift of Life.
How precious and sweet.
Cherish it.
Don't waste it on regrets and anger.
Be grateful for everything , even the bad times.
Find the good.
The gift of Life.
Call your Mother and thank her for this gift.
Unfortunately , I cannot physically call my Mom this year. But I can sure connect with her through prayer
and through the spirit world that operates around us.
Thank you Mom for the gift of my Life.
December 31st, a day for fun, a day for some to create new goals, hopes and dreams, a day for saying goodbye to the past year and all that it brought us - what does December 31st mean to me?
A Day of Love, the day my parents gave Me Love and brought me into this world to realize all my dreams, make a difference in the world in which I came, and to give LOVE to this world.
Happy New Year, Happy Dreams, Happy Life!
Kimberley
Labels:
gratitude,
Happy New Year,
Love,
MOM,
Mother,
THE GIFT OF LIFE
Tuesday, December 29, 2015
LOVE, The Way to Heal from Grief
It's been a few weeks since my Mother died. My heart still feels frozen, yet, there are times I can feel it thaw out just a bit. I am glad to have those moments and in my mind, I know that eventually I won't feel so much like someone threw a ton of bricks at me. I find it hard to get motivated to do the smallest things and I am grateful that life somehow forces us to move on.
There is good that has come of her passing and I choose to focus my heart and mind on those things. How can good come from someone's death you ask? Well, she doesn't have to deal with endless doctors appointments anymore, she doesn't have to be afraid that she can't breathe, she doesn't have to fear the four stairs in my back hallway and her husband can finally get the rest he so deserves. I am grateful that she didn't end up in a nursing home where her spirit would have died long before her body would have.
My Mother gave us a great legacy to carry on. She was a wonderful Mother and taught us so much about unconditional love, about the value of family and so much more. My Mother touched the lives of many people and was an amazing artist, writer, cook, seamstress, and self made interior designer. She never stopped learning and teaching herself new things. I know where I get it from now!
Her strength to endure life's challenges was admirable. She overcame breast cancer, healed through two divorces and she pulled through nearly dying three years ago when she was admitted to the hospital five times after her second hip replacement. How did she do it? What drove her to overcome all of these circumstances? The answer: LOVE.
The LOVE she had for her family was what drove my Mother to live. She was determined to be there for her children and see her grandchildren grow up . And she did that! Her heart was as big as this planet Earth! She had a heart that loved so many. The evidence seen by all the wonderful people who attended her wake and shared their heartfelt memories of her.
And so , as I struggle to overcome the frozen feelings inside, I think about the amazing POWER of LOVE.
The LOVE of my friends who have surrounded me since the day my Mother died. The LOVE of my family who came and filled my house with laughter and joy during those days after her death. The LOVE of a new male friend who has supported me through this and makes me laugh everyday! The LOVE of text messages that come unexpectedly to see how I am. The LOVE of clients and employers that lent their understanding and support.
As I ponder this amazingly strong force of life called LOVE, I feel that this will be the force that will help me regain my spirit and allow me to once again LIVE a life I LOVE.
When we use LOVE, we are using the greatest Power in the Universe. And this is what I must be mindful of and focus on. I must use this amazing power to set me free and feel LIFE once again.
And how will I do this? I will DO what I LOVE each day. I will focus my thoughts on LOVE. I will BE all that I LOVE to be. I will HAVE those people and things in my life that I LOVE.
And I will LOVE my Mother with all my heart.
May all of you who have experienced the death of a parent, find a way to heal yourselves through the POWER OF LOVE.
Kimberley
Labels:
DEATH,
grief,
Love,
Mother,
The Healing Power of Love,
THE POWER OF LOVE
Monday, December 21, 2015
Words from my Mother
The first words on a page since my Mother's death. I fear that in this writing, I will cry tears that will never stop. I have been taken ill several days after her funeral. During these days I have forced myself to sit and watch Hallmark Christmas movies, because it is in those movies that I find solace. You see Christmas is my favorite time of year, as it was my Mothers. She was the one who gave me the love of the season and the gift of believing that Christmas was truly a magical time of year. These movies have happy endings and teach us that belief is not something to be proven.
I have nursed my body and tried to quiet my mind so that sleep will come to me. You see each time I let my mind relax, it goes to thoughts of my Mother, and in turn, I cry. Over the course of the last year of my life as I have begun to follow my heart and my dreams, I have learned to trust in meditation. I particularly like spirit guided meditation. I have been guided by what has come out of those meditations and they have been there to help calm the waters when life feels way too stormy. In that meditation realm, I feel more connected to God and the Universe than ever before and I have been able to connect with some people who have meant the world to me, who have died over the last few months. This has greatly helped me to heal from the grief I felt over their passing. Yet, this time it was my Mother and I refused to meditate for fear , she would appear and my tears would not stop.
On occasion over the last few days, I have let my body finally come to a deep sleep and my mind has slipped into the realm between sleep and being awake and dreams have begun to come. Realizing this, somehow I have mentally willed them to stop and I wake myself up. Why? Because I know that I will meet My Mother there, and it will be far to real.
Yes, I am still in a state of shock and denial but as I watch these movies each day, I know she is here with me, whispering to me - "honey, get your Christmas tree up!" , "decorate your house" - it's Christmas! "Don't cry sweetie" , " come on, you need to carry on my legacy, as I know you will", "sweetie don't cry" - " call your friends, they will help you decorate the house" , " I see my Christmas stamp came that we ordered to make the Christmas cards - keep it, make some Christmas thank you cards for people" " Don't cry baby girl, everything will be ok, " " You are amazing writer and you will publish with my help, and I know you will publish my work, as I asked you to" " Keep an eye on Ken and take care of you - I see you have once again, worked yourself into the ground, by doing too much and my death was the icing on the cake for you."
"Sweetie, don't cry baby girl, I know you are having a hard time with this, but I promise I love you forever and you will carry on so many things we started together " " Don't put anything else in front of your writing and your creative spirit anymore, publish, make cookies, make cards, love with all your heart, fulfill your dreams, whatever they are- you have always climbed those mountains and you will climb this one too!" Yes, I know it's hard and I know your struggling - but hug Noah every time you need to - I see him on your chair in your office." "And thank you for that gift that kept me hopeful in my darkest days in that hospital bed some three years ago." Mom, don't go.." don't go... "Honey.. get up, take a shower, call your friends to help you decorate a tree this week and go try to work just a little bit today and then go get your nails and feet done "
And so, for the first time as I try to write after my Mothers death, she helps me write the words on the page and she decides to talk with me. No, I didn't bother to edit this.. why? It comes straight from the heart..
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Operating from our Authentic Selves
What does that mean? What does it mean to operate from our authentic selves versus the ego?
Well, I really didn't understand this either. I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer explain this to me over and over again until I got it. I don't think I could have truly understood it until now.
Why did I want to get it? What did it matter to me? It mattered to me because at this point in my life, I no longer want to operate from the swirling dervish of "getting more money," "work harder," "achieve more." I want to be truly happy on the inside. I want to know that the choices I make for everything in my life , are choices that will make me happy , not cause me anxiety or worry or fear or sadness and I want to know that when I leave this planet, I would have made a difference in someones life.
So, how do we do this exactly?
Dr. Dyer explains in his movie, The Shift, "that every time we make choices out of ego -all kinds of things happen to us that takes us away from finding meaning in our life."
How do you know when you are making choices from your authentic self versus your ego?
"You gauge everything on the way you feel.. are you stressed out, anxious, angry, fearful, do you feel like you are on purpose? do you feel good?" "When you are operating on the part of yourself that is authentic, bliss is your response."
Dr. Dyer proposes that when we live out of our Dharma, there is purpose and meaning to our lives. Dharma is a spiritual principle that says there is a purpose to our lives that we live by, like an inner calling.
How do we find that Dharma?
You don't really find it, its something you have been connected to your whole life, but many of us don't bother to be still and listen to it. We strive to live by the constructs of what we have been raised to be, do or have by our parents, society, our peers.
Why is it that some people know this early on in their lives and others of us come to this realization later in our life? I don't know. I am just grateful that the realization has come before my time on this planet is over.
I say to each of you, out there reading this blog - listen to your inner self, your intuition, your own Dharma- what is it telling you with each decision you make in your life?
Perhaps we are the ones to teach the next generation that this is truly a happier way of living their lives and they won't have to learn it in the "afternoon of their lives" as we have.
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
There is Magic in the Air at Christmas time
This is my favorite time of year when we decorate our houses, the Christmas trees go up and everyone feels just a bit different than at other time of the year.
I used to think that the Santa Claus story and the story of Christ's birth were two separate and distinct thoughts about Christmas. People often times frown upon the concept of Santa Claus and gift giving, presents under the tree and belief in a mythological figure.
But why could they not be two stories that exemplify love? Santa loves all of us - not only little boys and girls but adults too! He knows the hearts and spirits of all of us (so the myth goes).
And so does the Holy Spirit, the baby Jesus, God, the Universe. It is only about love, just like Santa Claus.
Christmas brings magic into the air. The magic of love of giving and of sharing. We all feel it. Even those of us who don't share a Christianity belief, feel the difference in the air.
You don't have to put up a tree or decorate your house, all you need to do is drive through a street with lighted homes, be in the mall with Santa ringing his bells, turn on the radio and listen to Christmas music or sit and watch heart warming stories on the Hallmark Channel to feel the magic in the air!
Let yourself enjoy this time of year. It doesn't have to be an insane hustle and bustle, just give yourself permission to calmly enjoy the giving and loving spirit that ignites itself during these four weeks.
Love, Light, Ho Ho Ho ,
Kimberley
Labels:
BABY JESUS,
CHRIST,
christmas gifts,
GIVING,
God,
Holy Spirit,
Love,
SANTA CLAUS
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Thank You
Saying those two small words creates magic in your life.
Those two small words, puts a smile on a strangers face, it
makes your friend feel good when they do you a favor, it let’s your employees
know that you appreciate them and most of all it tells God/the Universe that
you are expressing gratitude for all the wonderfulness that has been bestowed
upon you.
Rhonda Byrne, author of The Secret wrote another book called
The Magic. The premise of the book is to
bring Magic into your life by the expression of gratitude. There are 28 days of
exercises to practice gratitude in every facet of your life – Relationships,
Money, Career, and any other desire you may wish. It is a very simple book, but contains profound
truths! One of the parts of the book I liked best is the practice of placing a rock next to your bed at night and
create the practice of holding it in your hand and say one thing you are
thankful for before you go to sleep at night.
I have made this a part of my everyday life and it’s quite something how
that little act can be so calming, yet powerful. Your mind settles for the
night and I find I sleep more peacefully.
I wanted to say Thank You to all of you out there who take
the time to read my emails, who follow my blog posts, who have blessed my life with your friendship and those of you
who have walked through the doors of my home and filled my life with grace.
Life is all about the relationships we have in our lives and
I am truly grateful that we have touched each other’s life in some way.
May your Thanksgiving Days this week be filled with The
Magic of Gratitude!
Love and Light,
Labels:
Blessings,
friendship,
Grace,
gratitude,
RELATIONSHIPS,
RHONDA BYRNE,
THANK YOU,
THANKFULNESS,
The Magic,
The Magic Rock,
The Secret
Tuesday, November 24, 2015
From Ambition to Meaning
So many of us struggle with our lives to find what truly makes us happy. And as I listen to my favorite teacher this morning, Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, he talks about moving from ambition to meaning.
We strive and strive and work hard to achieve those materialistic things in our lives that society tells us we should want. But those "things" don't truly make us happy do they?
Don't get me wrong, I love my home, my clothes closet, going to the salon. However, when we sit in those quiet moments of our lives - we "know" what those things are that truly makes us happy.
I hosted a Fall Open House party last week at Grace House Retreat (my home) , where there were gifted alternative health practitioners and friends sitting around the table - I was giving a facial to one new friend , our friend and massage therapist, Dennis Knipfing was giving a chair massage to another, and our friend MaryAnn, an RN and Colonic therapist was helping a friend in need of healing. This event was simply intended to be a time of sharing tea and cookies and just relaxing; however it turned into so much more!
A time of sharing love and healing. It was quiet and peaceful, women laughing and smiling, embracing each other in love - finding commonalities with those they have never met before. And a wonderful man in the mix whose spirit is one of quiet reverence and peacefulness.
At one point in the evening, I stepped back and observed. My heart and soul were full. This was the gift, I wanted my home to bring to the world. Happiness, health and healing. This was the gift I wanted to share with the world.
To think that just a year ago my life was so very different. I was stressed to the max, my health was declining with adrenal exhaustion and hormonal imbalances and my spirit was screaming to me to make a change.
I was in a job that paid extremely well and provided me with a life that had been very comfortable from a materialistic viewpoint. How could I leave? This is what I had known for most of my adult life?
I was always striving and working hard to "get to the next level" , make more money - the constant race to the finish line.
That was the "Morning" of my life as Dr. Wayne Dyer calls it.
Yet, my spirit was calling me to something very different. And I needed to enter the "Afternoon" of my life - a life of meaning.
And so, I made the decision to leave my job and answer the calling that Spirit was so strongly asking of me.
And last Thursday at the Open House , I knew I was living a life I was meant to live and I get signs each day that confirm this as well.
I propose this to all of you who are reading this blog - Are you listening to your Spirit?
Are you responding to the life you want to live? Or are you just letting life dictate it for you?
Will you walk into the "Afternoon" of your life and find what is truly meaningful for you?
I did and I challenge you to do the same.
Is this road filled with ease and effortlessness? Sometimes, yes.. other times - no. But it is my life, the life "I choose" to lead. The one that fills my heart with happiness.
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Labels:
AMBITION,
career,
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer,
fulfillment,
JOB,
Love,
meaning,
spirit
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Out of Necessity comes Creativity
How many of you have experienced financial challenges in your life? How many of you want desperately to live your dreams?
Well, I am here to tell you - it is POSSIBLE! It is!
Are you experiencing more debt than money coming in? Great! Awesome! This is a great time to stop the panic (get one of those big red buttons that says STOP!) and find 10 good things about the situation and make an agreement with yourself - I will not panic about this until three days from now and within those three days, I am going to sit down and figure out what is good about this! And you must , you must come up with a list of at least 10..but try to write down more than 10.
And the end of three days, you can then panic. It's amazing to see what happens when you do this. I learned about this technique from Mary Morrisey. She is one of my spiritual transformation teachers and she has helped me through a lot of challenges in my own life.
Here is an example of what I have done recently in my own life when I needed some quick cash - I thought to myself -what do I love to do ? and how can I use what I love to serve others and give them joy?
Ohh and it's the Holidays! I loooove the Holidays! And I loove making cookies!
So, a week ago , I decided to sell my signature cookies. I went to the craft store and got some inspiration for packaging and I started baking!
I started this on a Sunday and on Thursday, the orders started rolling in and they still are coming in!
I am so excited about this that I had to share it!
Here is a few pictures of my cookie creations! And the feedback that I am getting is that everyone loves them! And they are giving me points for improvement!
Love, Light and Creative Thoughts!
Kimberley
Labels:
cookies,
creativity,
debt,
gratitude,
HOLIDAY COOKIE TRAYS,
MARY MORRISEY,
necessity,
panic
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
The World Focuses on Paris .. which thoughts will we choose? Fear or Love?
So my thoughts this morning continue to reflect around all that has gone on in Paris over the last few days.
The media, facebook, people have so many opinions about what should be done and someone this morning posted this amazing clip of this little girl who really hit the nail on the head. We need to come from our hearts, not from a place of fear. "If we live in a world where everyone is being mean, then everyone is going to be a monster in the future" "what if theres a little bit of persons and we eat/beat them , then no one will be here, only the monsters in our place.." " I just want everything to be settled down and good."
https://www.facebook.com/mindfoodmag/videos/10153751464819533/?pnref=story
Love and Light always prevails over the darkness of our world. Will darkness always exist? Yes- just like the day turns into night. But in the darkness of the night time, shines the light of the moon and the sparkles of the stars - to remind us that there will always be light that comes to us to see our way through.
So many people are talking about closing borders and killing and fear, can we just as easily talk about opening our hearts, kindness and love? Can we not have the media, facebook, twitter focusing on those things instead of giving these darker influences in our life the attention they crave?
Perhaps we all should look at this video of this little girl and take some notes.
There is a magical power that exists in this vast Universe we live in. It is a source of Love to us all. This power resides in all of us, even those who are killing (as hard as that is to fathom). That same power wants us all to live in peace, in kindness to one another and joy. There is so much good in the world. There is so much beauty all around us. All we need to do is look around our world.
Last night I looked out into the darkness of the sky through my hallway window. I spotted a little , brightly shining star and I just sat there watching it and as I did, it appeared as if it split into two stars and they started happily playing with each other. I thought for sure my glasses needed fixing or that this was some anomaly. Captivated, I stood there fixated on this star, thinking I was "seeing" things. But the longer I stood there, it repeated the same behavior, splitting in two, going further away from each other, dancing happily and then somehow came together again as one.
Ahh.. the magic of the universe and the wonder of the "lights that shine in our darkness every day."
Which thoughts will you choose today? Thoughts of Fear or thoughts of Love?
I know what I am choosing!
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Tuesday, November 17, 2015
What Would I Love?
Have you ever asked yourself this question? How would you answer it? Would it be different depending on what was happening in your life this very minute instead of what would happen this afternoon? How would you answer it then?
What Would I Love? I was watching a video from Mary Morrisey, one of my many teachers yesterday and she talked about this question. She, like Tony Robbins, talk about asking our selves the right questions in order to improve the quality of our lives.
So many teachers tell us to "get clear" about what it is we want in our lives. And I do feel that this is a valuable exercise to do for ourselves. In fact, I do that myself a few times a year - I spend time writing down what my heart and soul truly want for my life and then I focus my intentions on those things.
However, as I was listening to Mary Morrisey propose this question - What Would I Love? I found that I answered the question a bit differently than I had when I "got clear" on what the dreams were for my life. Yes, many of the "concepts" were the same, but the feeling I got when I answered this question was different. One felt like it was a task oriented exercise and the other felt like I was truly checking in with myself- my soul, the spirit of who I really am.
I wrote down this phrase and I carried it with me throughout the day yesterday to see if my answers were different. What was interesting that my answers got very specific but they are related to the bigger concepts of what I wanted for my life at this point in time.
It definitely helped me keep my intentions and my vision clear and focused on what I want versus what I don't want in my life. Keeping your mind and heart centered on those things is one of the keys to having those things appear in your life. It might not happen in an instant, but they will come.
So, today - write this question down on a piece of paper, see what comes up for you when you answer it. Write your answers down. And then, carry it with you throughout the day. Observe and see what the answers are as you walk through your day - do they change or are they are reflection of your larger vision?
I would be curious to know what you wrote - share your thoughts with me if you like .
One of my answers was - to adopt a little boy! Doesn't that make you want to smile?
Love and Light and Hugs!
Kimberley
Labels:
ASK THE RIGHT QUESTION,
DREAMS,
FROM THE HEART,
intentions,
Love,
MARY MORRISEY,
Tony Robbins
Wednesday, November 11, 2015
I Write in my Pajamas - Is that Such a Bad Thing?
Goofy title for a blog yes? Well, as I was doing my morning writing and studying today, I was reading a passage from Elizabeth Gilbert's book called Big Magic. I have been referring to it in several of my blogs recently. It is truly inspiring to the creative spirit in all of us!
The chapter I was reading this morning was titled : Tristam Shandy Chimes In. I was curious about the title and read on. In this very short chapter she talks about another writer who, when he felt blocked or like life was just in this "stuck" stage , he would dress up in costume and present himself , in character to his writing. He would talk aloud to it and lo and behold, the inspiration would come!
I thought - wow, that is a neat trick! I never thought of doing that! I might just give it a go!
The next paragraph goes on to have Elizabeth Gilbert explain that she tried this on for size and stated the following:
When I am feeling particularly sluggish and useless, and when I feel like my creativity is hiding from me, I go look at myself in the mirror and say firmly: "Why wouldn't creativity hide from you Gilbert? Look at yourself!" Then I go clean myself up . I take the goddamn scrunchie out of my greasy hair. I get out of those stale pajamas and take a shower. ... I might even put perfume on! "
Elizabeth Gilbert says she never wears perfume but she will do it to "attempt to seduce creativity."
As I read this , I laughed out loud because you see. That is me! In this new creative life I have crafted for myself! I was just telling someone that I don't get out of my pajamas until about 2 in the afternoon, because as soon as I get up , I am making coffee and head to my writing tablet. The morning hours are my best time for creativity and if I don't get that time, I am very cranky and I feel like I didn't brush my teeth all day - you know what I mean.
A friend called and woke me up this morning and we were just talking about morning routines and it was an odd coincidence that after the phone call, I read this chapter and discovered that Elizabeth Gilbert and I have similar routines!
I guess I have truly transitioned my life to that of a crazy, creative artist/writer.
The last sentence of this chapter says: "Seduce the Big Magic and it will always come back to you-the same way a raven is captivated by a shiny,spinning thing."
I know at times when I feel stuck in my life and my creativity, I yearn to organize something, change my clothes, cut my hair - anything to get that feeling back, that new inspiration or motivation.
So, I guess the next time I feel this way - I will dress up in costume and :"Seduce the Big Magic."
That sounds fun doesn't it! I can't wait to see what costumes come about! Who knows - what the next novel turns out to be! I already have an idea!
Write in your pajamas, or your favorite Disney character or paint in a 17th century ensemble! Whatever inspires you - do it!
To Your Creativity and Mine,
Kimberley
Labels:
costumes,
creativity,
ELIZABETH GILBERT,
feeling stuck,
INSPIRATION,
PAJAMAS,
seduction,
TRISTAM SHANDY,
writing
Friday, November 6, 2015
Are we Really Dedicated to Our Creative Lives?
Are you fully committed to this creative life you want to have? Are you 100% vested?
I thought I was for the last ten years of my life as I worked toward where I am today, but I asked myself the question over the last few weeks? What is it that I really, really wanted to do with this creative life of mine? What has called me to my life purpose? Well there are many things but the one thing that I always came back to was writing.
I was so afraid of having no money that I kept chasing the dollar versus chasing my dreams and doing whatever it took to accomplish them.
As I study Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Big Magic - she speaks of taking "The Vow." Much like a nun or a priest takes a vow to serve God in that particular vocation. Have we taken The Vow with our writing, our painting, our sculpting, our blogging? our businesses? Businesses? Did you find that odd that I included that?
Well, to many people,creating a business is an art form and are as dedicated to it as artists are to their craft.
As I pondered this question and went into my meditations with that in my mind, everything became very clear. I must write and I must publish, no matter what. I made a decision to have this be the forefront of my life and I made a promise and intended that I would find a way to financially support my writing life and myself. No matter what I had to do.
Yes, this is a very different life than I had one year ago, but I wake up everyday, looking forward to taking pen in hand and letting the words flow to me. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and it's the last thing I think about before I go to bed.
Here is a quote from this chapter in her book,
I did not ask for any external reward for my devotion;
I just wanted to spend my life as near to writing as possible-
forever close to that source of all my curiosity
and contentment - and so I was willing to make whatever
arrangements needed to be made in order to get by.
Commit to your dreams my friends! Do not let them die with you!
Kimberley
Labels:
art,
Big Magic,
BUSINESS,
business woman,
BUSINESSMAN,
COMMITMENT,
DEDICATION,
devotion,
ELIZABETH GILBERT,
INTENTION,
NUN,
painter,
priest,
sculptor,
The Vow
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Autumn Open House Party at Grace House , Thursday, November 19th
Come, Let Us Welcome Autumn with an
Open House Celebration at Grace House Retreat
Thursday, November 19, 2015 6:30 to 9:30pm
GRACE HOUSE RETREAT, 29 MORTON DRIVE, BUFFALO NY, 14226
We will be taking orders for Grace House Signature Holiday cookie trays to make your entertaining easy and effortless ...
AND
We will be offering 20% off of our skin care products for yourself or that special someone on your Holiday wish list.
Here is a list of Grace House Retreat friends that will be serving their gifts to all that attend:
Dennis Knipfing, Licensed Massage Therapist
Katie Thurber, Steeped Tea Consultant
Kimberley Barker Nightingale, Grace House Proprietor, Author, LifeCoach, Skin Care Consultant
RSVP by contacting Kimberley Barker Nightingale at kbnightingale@gmail.com or 716-390-6140.
Labels:
BUFFALO,
chair massage,
DENNIS KNIPFING,
Grace House Retreat,
HOLIDAY COOKIE TRAYS,
Holiday Open House,
holiday tea,
Katie Thurber,
NATURAL IMAGE CARE,
NY,
organic skin care products,
STEEPED TEA
He Maketh No Mistakes
Today I have a special treat for my readers that was sent to me from my Grandmother this morning. You see my Grandmother now lives in the Spirit world and I feel her presence more and more each day as I connect to her through my daily meditations.
I was sitting at my dining room table , coffee in hand, in the early morning hours, with just the dim light of the two lamps on my side board. I let the quiet surround me and I picked up the pen. I said a prayer of thanks and started on the page. I thought about my spirit guided meditations over the last few days and I looked up from the page.
And I looked straight at my bookshelf across the room that majestically holds a place in the dining room. to give it a Hemingway /library feel. Immediately, my eyes fell upon a thick, old book. What was that? I didn't have my glasses on , so I got up from the chair and went to it. My Grandmother's Bible. It was calling to me.
I slid open the glass doors of the shelf and reached for it. It is old with the pages fading to a dusty yellowish/brown color and the black cover having a rough texture to it as I hold it in my hands, has come apart. I carry the Bible with cover and all back to my writing table and I open to the pages that I am supposed to explore. I feel honored to have this book in my hand, a gift from beyond. And I know it belongs on the shelves of this glass enclosed, cherry/brown wooden bookshelf.
She had a message for me and today I share it with you.
He Maketh No Mistakes
My Father's way may twist and turn, My heart may throb and ache.
But in my Soul I'm glad I know
He Maketh No Mistakes
My cherished plans may go astray, My hopes may fade away
But still I'll trust my Lord to lead,
For He doth know the way.
Thou night be dark and it may seem that day will never break,
I'll pin my faith, my all in Him .
He Maketh No Mistakes.
There's so much now I cannot see, My eye sight far too dim,
But come what may, I'll simply trust and leave it all to Him.
For by and by the mist will lift and plain it all He'll make.
Through all the way, though dark to me,
He Maketh No Mistakes!
I have no idea if my Grandmother wrote this or if she copied it from somewhere. It doesn't matter.
Enjoy!
And for those of you who would like a nice copy of this to hang on your wall at home, please send me a nice note to my email at kbnightingale@gmail.com and I will send it off to you!
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Labels:
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Tuesday, November 3, 2015
The Magical Mysteries of Life, Connecting with Spirit
Each day I am awestruck at the wonderment of the Universe/God in my life. There are little signs that come up throughout the course of the day that tell me that He is listening. He hears my every thought, my every prayer. Why does it still surprise me when it happens? I don't know. In fact, the messages come quickly and effortlessly almost within 24 hours of my thoughts and I can't even keep up with receiving all the information He is giving me.
Did this always happen and I just wasn't as aware of the spiritual flow of the Universe or was I just too busy with my everyday life to hear Him?
My life is very different today , than it was just a year ago. I spend a lot of time during the day in silence in my beloved home, whereas in my prior life, I was in a corporate office each day, in a tangled , stressed out mess, wondering how on earth I would accomplish all the tasks that were asked of me.
My days consist of writing, reading, meditating, exercising, taking care of my Airbnb guests and working on my coaching business. It's the life I wanted to create and I am finally here. It was a long time in coming, like ten years! I am happier than I have been in a very long time.
I can hear the voice of God more clearly and easily now and my days of being stressed out have dramatically reduced themselves from what they were over 12 months ago. In fact, now when I feel like I get too bottled up with emotions that I know are not serving me (or anyone else for that matter) , I take the time to "go within" and meditate. Yes, does it take time out of my busy day? Absolutely! But, I find my life flows better afterwards and I find solutions to answers I need to move my life forward.
We must all take time out of our busy lives to listen to the messages that are given to us. They come in all shapes and sizes. Some come in the form of an email from someone who you follow online, some come in the shape of a book that calls to you in an airport or bookstore and others come to you in the shower! They just pop right into your head! Hahaha..
Life just works so much better when we listen and "go within." Some might read this and say, well it's easy for you to hear them because you are working from home without a lot of distractions. Really? My phone rings too and my emails pop up every two seconds , my family calls and needs to talk about weekend plans, my friends need a favor and my marketing consultant tells me that I need to learn some new software to get into this online world! I don't have distractions?
I do have them, mine just look different than yours!
So, what do I do to keep my channels open? I monitor my feelings. Am I feeling sad, frustrated? angry? If the answer is yes - I know I am off kilter and I need to do something to get myself back in alignment with my "better feeling state." Because you see if I don't feel good, nothing seems to flow right - my business, my relationships, my health.
How do I get myself back into alignment? I do something that makes me feel good. I go get a pedicure! I get a massage, I listen to a motivating You Tube video or I listen to uplifting music, I exercise, but most importantly - I know I need to meditate.
Meditation always gets my head and my soul back into a place of calm and openness. This openness allows the mysteries of life to again begin to unfold and reveal themselves to me. Those tense, bottled up, churning in the pit of my heart and stomach feelings - they just keep my dreams and the good in my life away.
Is it always easy to get back into alignment for me? No. Sometimes it takes a day or two. But let me tell you this - it used to take me a lot longer than that!
I used to be this very aggressive/assertive business woman, out to whip the corporate world. And over the course of the last five years of my life, I knew something wasn't right. I felt my soul tugging at me - saying this isn't you! Stop! Listen!
Listen to me! Take the time and reconnect with your God, your Spirit, whatever you call it. Stop the noise and let me show you how the mysteries of life unfold naturally like the world of nature. There is another way to help the world.
And so, I made the decision on October 31, 2014 to leave the corporate job, I loved in many ways to listen to what God was telling me and to follow a pathway I knew I needed to to follow.
Each day has been a new day full of amazing wonders that reveal themselves to me. I am inspired daily and wish I could write about everything that comes to mind - but alas- the laundry needs to get done! Hahaha!
My dear readers, take the time to listen closely, be aware, take the time to be still. Take a walk, sit down and listen to some classical music. Let God speak to you in quiet hours. He is always there, even when you don't think He is. He just might reveal himself in different forms!
Let the magical mysteries of life unfold , the Universe doesn't operate on the instantaneous world that we humans have created with technology. Connect with God/the Universe and your soul will find peace and calmer days.
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Labels:
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Saturday, October 31, 2015
The Pathway to Molding a Creative Life
It's been an interesting couple of days, lots of emotion swirling around from sadness of a friend moving out of town, to disappointment of not meeting my creative/entrepreneurial goals as I had intended over a year ago, to fear of not being able to financially support myself while I continue onward to make those dreams a reality. All of this I knew was blocking my ability to write and that upset me even more.
I yearned to put pen to paper and my hands on the keyboard. It wasn't coming. I did everything that my teachers had taught me about changing the focus of my thoughts and getting out of that emotional state that put me in those places. It has been a struggle to pull myself out of it. Because you see life doesn't always give us a full hour to meditate or to lock yourself in your writing room until some divine inspiration happens.
The laundry needs to get done, guests need to be taken care of , you need to get yourself off the chair and exercise and clean the litter boxes! Yes, I did all these things as tears of sadness, fear, frustration were churning inside my body and the tissue box was getting emptied.
But I pushed myself through it , honoring all those wonderful emotions that have been given to us as we go through the human experience. Wayne Dyer often tells us in his books and audio tapes, "we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Great! I could do without some of these experiences - thank you very much! Most of all, the experience of heartbreak when you love someone so much, the thought of saying goodbye to them just feels like a beautiful vase, that gets shattered into a million pieces as it falls to the ground. Well, I don't want to start those tears flowing all over again, I am just starting to feel a bit better today and I need to be writing!
One of the key tasks on my to-do list was to think through my new, creative business model and get back to my marketing consultant/mentor. We talked about a vision board for my business and I had never really thought about that. I had a vision board for my overall life but never really specifically for my business.
So, I set out thinking about that. How do I mix all the creative things I love and want to share with the world into some crazy business model? Mmm.. I am a writer of fiction novels - which I love - creating those worlds that only you dream of , is super fun! I love to bake and cook, I teach people how to create better lives for themselves with their health, careers, wardrobes, etc.and I own a BnB/Retreat. Mmm.. how the heck do you put that all together?
I knew the one thing that always grounded me when I felt like my life was swirling out of control was to bake cookies. And I did - yesterday afternoon. Gluten free chocolate chip cookies, something my guests and friends love. However, I was stumbling through it and ironically they didn't come out as great as they usually do. Wonderful- my go to stress reliever wasn't working! At least it helped me focus my thoughts elsewhere for a time.
I kept thinking foll about the business model conversation and wondering what does that look like for me? How do I write from the heart to inspire people and create a "business model" from that?
My thoughts went to Joanna Penn, who writes the blog - The Creative Penn. I have been following her for years now and she is truly an inspiration to me as she too has struggled to to finance her writing career and she has been successful! She has so many wonderful non-fiction books and podcasts and blog posts to help writers find their way. You can find her on http://www.thecreativepenn.com/. Please, if you have any aspiration to write, whether it be fiction or non-fiction -check it out, her site is super helpful!
I knew I had downloaded a non-fiction work of hers on becoming an author in this new world of self publishing. I went in search of it and yes indeed, I did have it.
I read through it while eating dinner and contemplated her advice.
I went to bed thinking about it and I got up at 5am this morning thinking about it. The cats were like - hey, why are you up? Great, why don't you fed us while you are at it? I wanted to sit down with pen and paper to see if I could get something written this morning , to see if I could write once again despite all those crazy emotions and thoughts of business models. I dutifully fed the cats and made some coffee. I was determined to write.
I went up to my writing room in the quietness of the morning darkness outside, turned on my desk lamp,.. coffee in hand and picked up a prayer book written by Julia Cameron called Answered Prayers, Love Letters from the Divine. I always randomly open the book to whatever page God directs me with this little book and sure enough, each and every time - he leads me to the page that I need to read most. The page told me that He hears my prayers even if I don't know how to pray. That He hears me even through my yearnings and my tears. How many times does He have to tell me he hears me? I laughed at that sentence because I knew he was talking to me, telling me - "its all going to be ok." " We have been here before and I carried you through didn't I?" "We got through a house fire together and unemployment didn't we?"
Yes, we did. And so there was my inspiration to write. And I started on my Morning Pages. And the words began to flow.
My words were those of prayer as they have been many times before and suddenly Elizabeth Gilbert popped into my head as I have been reading her new book, BigMagic (http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/). In that book she talks about the fact that although some story line seems like it has been written before or that someone else came up with a similar idea, it has never before been created in YOUR voice, created by YOUR hands. We are all unique and have gifts to share with the world.
I went to my computer and typed in her name. What was her business model? How was she working through the maze of publishing, living life and writing? Well, I clicked on her site and was immediately attracted to her video section and her You Tube video about a book that I hadn't read yet. It is called, The Signature of All Things. I love Elizabeth Gilberts voice, it is very calming to me and when she speaks about the writing life, it all just makes so much sense to me.
I listened to her voice and watched the video and I knew once again, God had directed me to the right place. You see as she explains the heroine in the book, she explains part of herself and part of who I am as well - the joy of getting so engrossed in a project that you have to feel it, you can't just read about it, you have to feel it! " I want to go out and roll around the world I am inventing" YES! I totally understand!
The video finished and up popped two other pictures for other videos. One of Elizabeth Gilbert and her husband, featuring her on Super Soul Sunday with Oprah and the other picture was of Wayne Dyer and his book The Erroneous Zones.
Now what are the odds that three people who have inspired my work so much would be sitting right there in front of me this morning - Oprah, Elizabeth Gilbert and Wayne Dyer.
Do you think perhaps they are all rooting for me to find my voice in the world? I do. And if Elizabeth Gilbert could talk to me, I know what she would be telling me.
Get out there.. find your voice. Yes, I know your struggling, scared and uncertain, but you will find your way to the other side of this and you will see, it will be wonderful!
It is my hope that this blog post gives some inspiration to those of you out there who are trying desperately to follow your dreams. Don't give up no matter what. Even if your world seems like it's crashing down around you. It's not! It's the Universe at work! Call on Your Teachers! They appear when you need them!
Here is to your Creative Life!
Kimberley
Labels:
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Creative Living Beyond Fear,
Dr. Wayne W. Dyer,
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SUPER SOUL SUNDAY
Friday, October 23, 2015
Men wearing Backwards Baseball Caps on First Dates?
So, I went on a first date with someone last night and to my surprise he greeted me in a backwards baseball cap, a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. The topper - he was chewing gum!
I was shocked to say the least. I took my time to shower, get nicely dressed in a blue blouse that contrasted with my auburn hair, a nice pair of black jeggings with black boots and a coat that was yellow with ruffles that complemented the blue. I curled my hair and took the time with my makeup.
Clearly he didn't take the time to do much of anything! Immediately I knew that there wasn't going to be a second date! And the date got even more interesting when he said "let's go get a table" and proceeded to walk away from me and sat down. He didn't take my drink with him or offer to carry my coat.
He didn't take notice that the waitress didn't bring me the water I asked for when she brought my wine and he slurped his drink down in less than 10 minutes. He didn't talk much except to divulge to me that he in fact didn't work at a family business as he told me ahead of time - he worked for FedEx. Now, I don't care if that is what you do for a job, but why lie about it?
He proceeded to ask me if I play darts and I replied " not unless I have had a few drinks." He said "well then order another drink" I don't drink that much and certainly not on an empty stomach, I replied.
He didn't even respond by asking me if I wanted something to eat. He just kind of looked at me and let the silence sit between us. I felt like I had drag the conversation out of him. It wasn't until I asked him about his workouts did he begin to talk. The good news is that he gave me some great information on what I needed to do to strengthen my back and wrists so that was helpful!
I couldn't wait any longer, I had to eat , so I took it upon myself to flag the waitress down and order an appetizer.
The hummus and pita bread came and of course, I asked him if he would like to share and he took me up on the offer!
We chatted a bit more and I just needed to end this evening because it was uncomfortable and he wasn't really asking me a whole lot of questions to get to know me. I had to get out of there! I flagged the waitress down and asked her for the bill.
You guessed it! He didn't offer to pay, nor did he offer to split the bill for the appetizer!
I politely said goodnight and went on my merry way. I was thankful for the information I received about my workouts but decided that there were parameters I needed to set for a first date.
Maybe I am old fashioned, but perhaps men need to understand that women like guys that get dressed to see them on a first date, fifth date, tenth date etc. It's a turn on! Backwards baseball caps, chewing gum, t-shirt and jeans is not a turn on! Nor is not treating a woman like a lady and carrying her drink for her!
And not asking her if she wants something to eat! Way to really make sure you never see her again!
I don't get it? Men could have women eating out of their hands if they treated them right! And I know there are men out there that know how to do that! Perhaps there needs to be a class that men take to teach them the tips on dating and capturing a woman.
And I am certain that there are men out there who have something to say about first dates and women. I would love to hear them! Tips are always helpful!
Here's to Men that are Classy and take the time to Dress!
Kimberley
Labels:
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Thursday, October 22, 2015
On Permission to Live a Creative Life
Over the last few days, I have been reading a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear. At the time I bought the book, I grabbed it to soothe a grieving heart over a friend that is moving away. Has it worked? Somewhat, yes. Each time I think of my friend and begin to cry, I grab the book to focus my mind on my writing life.
Just this morning I read an interesting chapter on Permission to Live a Creative Life. When I saw the title of the chapter - I thought, wow, what an interesting perspective! Intrigued, I read on. Elizabeth Gilbert writes:
You do not need anybody's permission to live a creative life.
She speaks of the influences of our parents. What kind of people were they? Were they afraid to take risks? Were they afraid of what other people were to say if they followed their dreams? Were they rule followers?
It really doesn't matter , she states. If you look back far enough into your family line, you will find people who just loved to make things and spent their lives making things.
"The earliest evidence of recognizable human art is forty thousand years old." It's older than humans tending to their agricultural tasks! Wow.. pretty profound I would say! What does that say about the human species? We are destined to create, more so than our desire to eat?
Well I can tell you when I am writing and creating, food is the last thing I think about - in fact, when I am in the flow of my writing or decorating my home for the holidays or baking batches of cookies - I forget about eating all together! So, I kind of get this!
Artists and creators don't necessarily have to be DaVinci or Michaelangelo- they can be the piece of pottery you created last weekend or the Christmas decorations you so meticulously and lovingly adorned your house with.
"Keep in mind that for most of history people just made things , and they didn't make such a big freaking deal out of it."
I love that line from this chapter. Especially as I am designing a new, creative life for myself.
"We make things because we LIKE making things." Well, I cannot help but think of my parents when I read this line, because you see my parents have always been "makers" as far as I can remember. Yes, my Dad was a great provider and worked a "regular job." But, he always made time for home renovations and working on his cars. You see, he is an amazing craftsman when it comes to home improvements. I have a fond memory of him knocking a big hole in the wall of my childhood home to make way for a beautiful arched window that would let the sunshine into our small, side entryway. My Mom and he were always conjuring up some renovations to that house.
My Mom on the other hand, has been writing since I was a child. Essay and prose mostly, and they are beautifully written. She is an amazing interior designer , coming by it naturally - no schooling needed. She is a self-taught seamstress, cook, card maker, holiday set designer and knits beautiful sweaters.
So, do I come from parents who were rule followers or "makers?" What do you think? Pretty obvious I would say.
In his retirement, my Dad is renovating a beach house that he and his wife just bought and my Mom is teaching herself a computer program, making memory boxes for all of her children and grandchildren. And she is dabbling with a children's book!
"Inspiration works with us," Elizabeth says. Yes, it does, it collaborates with us, calling at our doors to see if we will answer. Will we answer? On the weekends, weekdays, or call "creating" our vocation?
This chapter was so timely for me as I in the midst of designing my own creative life and struggling with what is going to be the primary focus for me? I love to do so many things. I love my writing, I love to bake, decorate, design, I love to help people become the best they can be at whatever they desire in their life and I love to create that "new outfit". And I am a BnB proprietor - which I love. Why do we have to choose one over the other, can we not incorporate all of those things into a life we love? I believe we can. And I am trying to figure it all out. Perhaps some of these are our vocation and others are our weekend hobbies.
I move through my days, letting my heart lead the way ever mindful of paying the mortgage, asking Spirit/God to guide me. I am grateful to have had this opportunity to share my gifts with the world and I am so grateful to Elizabeth Gilbert for giving me "permission" to "make things" and create a life I absolutely love!
Here is to all of us! The "makers" of the world. For we all have the ability to be makers! Give yourself Permission as Elizabeth Gilbert has given to me!
Happy Creating!
Kimberley
Labels:
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Tuesday, October 20, 2015
On Being Part of a Family and Honoring Spiritual Traditions
I typically don't write a piece so specific to my family, but I felt inspired to do so today.
This Sunday was such a touching experience for me as I watched another one of my nephews children get baptized. Why was this one any different than the baptism of his other two children?
Because my Father was there.
You see my Father and his wife have taken such an active role in our family over the last few years since my Mother had a brush with death. I will never know what they discussed when she called them to her bedside, but whatever it was, our family has been blessed with the gift of my Father and his wife ever since.
I was rushing (per usual) to get myself together to get to the church on time with my 11 year old car that sounds like it needs a new exhaust. I didn't want to drive in the parking lot and have everyone notice I was there and I wanted time for prayer before the service started.
As luck would have it , I arrived just as my nephews wife was pulling in with the children. Their four year old, bolted out of the van all dressed in his Sunday best and the baby bundled to protect him from the cold.
We walked into the church together, the peacefulness of the inside of the sacred space filling my soul. The little one in his mothers arms was captivated by all the shiny objects that adorned this beautiful catholic church - his eyes just moving from one to the other.
I watched him and couldn't get over how much he looked like my nephew when he was born!
Many family members were there to celebrate this sacred rite of passage for this beautiful newborn baby and it truly warmed my heart. I am not a "religious person" per se. I believe that there is one Spirit/God that somehow in their magnificent way, manages to keep this Universe all working and they love with no judgement. I love some of the sacredness and rituals of the Catholic Church and the rite of baptism holds a special meaning for me. Its a spiritual birth of sorts. Yes, its symbolic but so meaningful.
The service began and the voices of our very extended family responded to the readings from the Deacon. I listened to the voices and felt the warmth of the spirit among us.
My heart was overflowing with soulful happiness.
The Deacon asked if there were grandparents present who wanted to bless the water prior to the baby getting baptized.
And my Father got up to join my nephews wife's parents. It was one of the most touching moments of my life. I just wished my Mother had been there to join in as well.
So, I jumped up to snap some pictures, knowing that someday, I would hand them to that little guy to remember this moment of his life.
As I look at this picture now, it still warms my soul and I am so blessed to be a part of a wonderful family. Yes, we have our issues, but we are still a family. We all know it in our hearts. And for this I am so very grateful.
I went to bed Sunday night so content and my soul so full. I am so thankful to my parents who gave birth to this ever growing family. Thankful for the traditions they gave us and the values they raised us with.
I am so grateful to my nephew and his wife for giving us the gift of their children to play with, laugh with and watch them grow.
May All of You Cherish those Family Traditions...
Love and Light,
Kimberley
Labels:
BAPTISM,
Blessings,
CHILD,
family,
FAMILY TRADITIONS,
God,
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peacefulness,
spiritual traditions,
Universe
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Pleasure, the other side of Pain
Being in Love and getting your heartbroken (pain) are often two sides of the same coin. The feelings are the same. One feels like they are dropping into depths so deep its hard to capture into words.
Is this why our society has been so captured by the Fifty Shades of Grey novels? Did E.L James bring out the obvious? or was she reminding us of the primal needs we all have of love at some deep level?
Do we all secretly wish we had our own "Christians and Ana's?" People balk at the whole mention of BDSM - the whole notion of pain and pleasure. I too have pondered what the fascination is with this and why are certain people attracted to it while others fear it?
I never read the erotica genre until people started talking about this book. Not wanting to join in on the bandwagon, I didn't read it for a year or two after it came out. It fascinated me. Why were women all over the globe so taken with this?
We have come so far as women in the world, rising to the top of corporations, non-for-profit foundations, running our own businesses, raising amazing children, holding top positions in our governments yet, this trilogy sent women into a world of floggers and spankings.
My niece and I even talked about this "rage" and what was so special about it. She told me " Aunt Kim - you should write in this genre, there isn't a lot of good writers out there." I laughed and thought to myself, "what is in those books?, are they just another form of Harlequin?" Since then there are many other people who have asked if I was writing in that genre.
So, I broke down and bought the books. I read all three of them in a week! I began to understand what was capturing women. I even heard that there were men reading these books , to understand why the women in their life were so captivated.
I then went on to read other authors in this same genre. Some of them bored me to tears and others were some of the hottest sex scenes I had ever read, imagined, seen..
I have started writing novel number two and I am still unsure whether or not it wants to be in the erotica genre or whether its going to be another romance/mystery. It is still revealing itself to me.
As a woman who has been head over heels in love and who has had her heart shattered in a million pieces that I never thought I would recover - I now feel like I understand this dichotomy of pain and pleasure.
Do I understand the draw of pain and pleasure in the BDSM world? Not sure, the jury is still out for me on it.
I know that this is a departure from my typical musings on my blog. I would enjoy your thoughts on this. Even well known author Tim Ferris, just went out on a limb and posted a blog about polyamory this week.
http://fourhourworkweek.com/2015/10/13/polyamory/#more-22048
So, if he can , I guess I can too!
Love, Light, Pleasure and Pain to all of you!
Kimberley
Friday, October 16, 2015
Reflections of a Heart in Pain
My morning writing has me ponder thoughts and feelings I have for someone very dear to me. You see, I received a text from them yesterday as I was driving to my workout session with my trainer, that they were moving. And their new home would be thousands of miles away.
My heart sank and the tears started streaming down my face. My contacts became blurry and I was supposed to walk into the gym ready for action. I wanted to run away as far as I could from the feeling of this pain and at the same time I wanted to go into that gym and punch the daylights out of that bag hanging from the ceiling.
I put my sunglasses on and walked into the gym asking my trainer for a few minutes. I needed to collect myself. I want no one in on these feelings. He looked at me and asked if I was ok? And I replied "let's get to it!" I wanted him to work me hard and punish myself - perhaps that would take the pain away and I wouldn't feel anymore.
I pushed through the workout- pushing my emotions away and forcing my mind to be angry instead of feeling grief. I got through it and left the gym. No sooner did I get in the car and the floodgates opened once again for the tears to fall.
So many emotions - angry at myself for letting myself feel this way and sadness for having to say goodbye to someone who means so much to me.
I called my Mom as so many daughters do in these times and she let me be angry and she let me speak ill of myself and she let me be sad, just listening as she often does. My Mom had some wise things to say , sharing her years of experience with me. I listened through my tears and my anger, knowing she loves me and she was giving me the best advice she could. I wanted to beat myself up for allowing myself to feel so much for someone once again and feeling like they don't reciprocate those same level of feelings.
I felt like I had come so far on my own personal internal work, how could I let this happen? Why hadn't I transcended this and just felt love in my heart with no "attachment" and let it go? Why did I still feel this level of pain? I don't know.
I cried the entire day, wanting to go to bed and curl up into a ball - yet life wouldn't allow me to do that. I had responsibilities to care for a friend who is staying at my house and is recovering from hip surgery.
I couldn't let them see what was happening on the inside. I wanted no one around me. I wanted the world to go away. I wanted the pain to go away.
I drove to the grocery store knowing I needed to get ice for my friend and sat there in the parking lot and just let myself cry. Some guy putting his groceries in his car just starred at me and I wanted to just yell at him and ask him "what the hell are you staring at?" However, it knew it was my need to push the world away as well as the pain.
I picked up the ice and I started walking toward what I knew would always soothe my heart - books! The world of books has always been my solace every since I was a little girl. I could get lost in worlds imagined in authors minds and I could forget about my own. They have given me comfort, made me laugh, helped me to become a better person and let me know that love is possible against any and all odds that the world presents to us.
And what did my eyes see , but a book from Elizabeth Gilbert on the writing life! I loved her book - Eat,Pray,Love - I think all of us women can relate to pieces of that book. The book I picked up was called Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear. I thought to myself - Once again, the world of writing calls me home.
I knew delving into this book would see me through the night and help me sleep. I also picked up a magazine - REAL SIMPLE , all about organizing. I wanted to control something, anything.Cleaning out closets or kitchens or garages when I feel like my life is swirling has always helped ground me.
I arrived home to take care of my friend, made him some dinner, and I made myself a bowl of popcorn with parmesean cheese and truffle oil and poured a glass of wine. I needed comfort.
Exhausted from the emotions of the day, the physical workout my trainer put me through and the responsibilities that come from taking care of someone after an operation had taken their toll. I needed to go upstairs and find sleep.
I curled up in my favorite pajamas and "boyfriend sweater" , did I go to sleep? No! I opened up those little gifts I just bought and started reading. Elizabeth Gilbert spoke to me and asked me if I had the courage to share my writing gifts with the world? Once again, the Universe was telling me what I needed to hear.
My eyes were heavy and I couldn't fight them anymore. I turned the light off, pulled the book to my heart and pulled the covers over me.
This morning I awoke with a little less pain but still an ache that I knew wasn't going away anytime soon. My friend and I would meet for lunch one last time before he moved. Part of me wants to see him and part of me doesn't. Wouldn't it just be easier for me to let him go from my heart and mind now? If I see him, it will dredge up all those feelings and my heart will feel pain once again.
So, as I was pondering my thoughts this morning, I bumped into one of my favorite facebook pages: Raising Vibrations and this is what was on their wall:
You are a gift to the world .....dont forget this heart emoticon
If you find yourself sharing your gifts in places and with people, that do not seem to want it, don't continue to beat your head up against the wall. Release them. Let them have their own journey.
Life is too short to convince people to be aware of who you are and the value that you bring.
Life is too short to convince people to be aware of who you are and the value that you bring.
Love yourself enough to remove yourself from any situation where you are constantly making someone a priority who has made you an option. The lips of the wise are sealed to those who refuse to hear and are comfortable being ignorant. Being to crave out a place for yourself in life to do the work that you are called to, for those who ready to receive it.
Your gifts and time are precious. Take care to nurture and develop them. Only in this way you can live a life that purposeful, meaningful and free of frustration. You are a gift to the world. You deserve to be recognized for who you are.
Unknown
It was a message I needed to see, read and hear.
I share these thoughts for all the lovers in the world who dare love with their whole hearts and have the courage to feel them get broken. I hope that someone out there in the land of the internet will find some solace in these words and find a way to make their day just a little brighter.
Love and Light to all the Lovers in the World! Keep loving, don't stop because your heart gets broken. The shattered pieces will glue themselves together, maybe not immediately, but they will and you will find the love you have always yearned for.
Kimberley
Labels:
Big Magic,
BROKEN HEART,
COMFORT,
Creative Living Beyond Fear,
EAT PRAY LOVE,
ELIZABETH GILBERT,
HEALING A BROKEN HEART,
lovers,
pain
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