It's been an interesting couple of days, lots of emotion swirling around from sadness of a friend moving out of town, to disappointment of not meeting my creative/entrepreneurial goals as I had intended over a year ago, to fear of not being able to financially support myself while I continue onward to make those dreams a reality. All of this I knew was blocking my ability to write and that upset me even more.
I yearned to put pen to paper and my hands on the keyboard. It wasn't coming. I did everything that my teachers had taught me about changing the focus of my thoughts and getting out of that emotional state that put me in those places. It has been a struggle to pull myself out of it. Because you see life doesn't always give us a full hour to meditate or to lock yourself in your writing room until some divine inspiration happens.
The laundry needs to get done, guests need to be taken care of , you need to get yourself off the chair and exercise and clean the litter boxes! Yes, I did all these things as tears of sadness, fear, frustration were churning inside my body and the tissue box was getting emptied.
But I pushed myself through it , honoring all those wonderful emotions that have been given to us as we go through the human experience. Wayne Dyer often tells us in his books and audio tapes, "we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Great! I could do without some of these experiences - thank you very much! Most of all, the experience of heartbreak when you love someone so much, the thought of saying goodbye to them just feels like a beautiful vase, that gets shattered into a million pieces as it falls to the ground. Well, I don't want to start those tears flowing all over again, I am just starting to feel a bit better today and I need to be writing!
One of the key tasks on my to-do list was to think through my new, creative business model and get back to my marketing consultant/mentor. We talked about a vision board for my business and I had never really thought about that. I had a vision board for my overall life but never really specifically for my business.
So, I set out thinking about that. How do I mix all the creative things I love and want to share with the world into some crazy business model? Mmm.. I am a writer of fiction novels - which I love - creating those worlds that only you dream of , is super fun! I love to bake and cook, I teach people how to create better lives for themselves with their health, careers, wardrobes, etc.and I own a BnB/Retreat. Mmm.. how the heck do you put that all together?
I knew the one thing that always grounded me when I felt like my life was swirling out of control was to bake cookies. And I did - yesterday afternoon. Gluten free chocolate chip cookies, something my guests and friends love. However, I was stumbling through it and ironically they didn't come out as great as they usually do. Wonderful- my go to stress reliever wasn't working! At least it helped me focus my thoughts elsewhere for a time.
I kept thinking foll about the business model conversation and wondering what does that look like for me? How do I write from the heart to inspire people and create a "business model" from that?
My thoughts went to Joanna Penn, who writes the blog - The Creative Penn. I have been following her for years now and she is truly an inspiration to me as she too has struggled to to finance her writing career and she has been successful! She has so many wonderful non-fiction books and podcasts and blog posts to help writers find their way. You can find her on http://www.thecreativepenn.com/. Please, if you have any aspiration to write, whether it be fiction or non-fiction -check it out, her site is super helpful!
I knew I had downloaded a non-fiction work of hers on becoming an author in this new world of self publishing. I went in search of it and yes indeed, I did have it.
I read through it while eating dinner and contemplated her advice.
I went to bed thinking about it and I got up at 5am this morning thinking about it. The cats were like - hey, why are you up? Great, why don't you fed us while you are at it? I wanted to sit down with pen and paper to see if I could get something written this morning , to see if I could write once again despite all those crazy emotions and thoughts of business models. I dutifully fed the cats and made some coffee. I was determined to write.
I went up to my writing room in the quietness of the morning darkness outside, turned on my desk lamp,.. coffee in hand and picked up a prayer book written by Julia Cameron called Answered Prayers, Love Letters from the Divine. I always randomly open the book to whatever page God directs me with this little book and sure enough, each and every time - he leads me to the page that I need to read most. The page told me that He hears my prayers even if I don't know how to pray. That He hears me even through my yearnings and my tears. How many times does He have to tell me he hears me? I laughed at that sentence because I knew he was talking to me, telling me - "its all going to be ok." " We have been here before and I carried you through didn't I?" "We got through a house fire together and unemployment didn't we?"
Yes, we did. And so there was my inspiration to write. And I started on my Morning Pages. And the words began to flow.
My words were those of prayer as they have been many times before and suddenly Elizabeth Gilbert popped into my head as I have been reading her new book, BigMagic (http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/). In that book she talks about the fact that although some story line seems like it has been written before or that someone else came up with a similar idea, it has never before been created in YOUR voice, created by YOUR hands. We are all unique and have gifts to share with the world.
I went to my computer and typed in her name. What was her business model? How was she working through the maze of publishing, living life and writing? Well, I clicked on her site and was immediately attracted to her video section and her You Tube video about a book that I hadn't read yet. It is called, The Signature of All Things. I love Elizabeth Gilberts voice, it is very calming to me and when she speaks about the writing life, it all just makes so much sense to me.
I listened to her voice and watched the video and I knew once again, God had directed me to the right place. You see as she explains the heroine in the book, she explains part of herself and part of who I am as well - the joy of getting so engrossed in a project that you have to feel it, you can't just read about it, you have to feel it! " I want to go out and roll around the world I am inventing" YES! I totally understand!
The video finished and up popped two other pictures for other videos. One of Elizabeth Gilbert and her husband, featuring her on Super Soul Sunday with Oprah and the other picture was of Wayne Dyer and his book The Erroneous Zones.
Now what are the odds that three people who have inspired my work so much would be sitting right there in front of me this morning - Oprah, Elizabeth Gilbert and Wayne Dyer.
Do you think perhaps they are all rooting for me to find my voice in the world? I do. And if Elizabeth Gilbert could talk to me, I know what she would be telling me.
Get out there.. find your voice. Yes, I know your struggling, scared and uncertain, but you will find your way to the other side of this and you will see, it will be wonderful!
It is my hope that this blog post gives some inspiration to those of you out there who are trying desperately to follow your dreams. Don't give up no matter what. Even if your world seems like it's crashing down around you. It's not! It's the Universe at work! Call on Your Teachers! They appear when you need them!
Here is to your Creative Life!
Kimberley
