Saturday, December 28, 2013

Blessings in the Basement

Christmas week this year brought a surprise for many of us in the small town that I live in.  Lots of snow had fallen the week before and saturday night, the rains came. I lay in bed listening to it dance on the rooftop letting it lull me to sleep. I was gently woken out of bed at 1:15am, a messenger telling me to go to the basement and turn the fans off.  A bit of water had come into the basement from the day before and I had wanted to get it dry as soon as possible. And dry it was.  Contentedly, I unplugged the fans and went back to bed.

Sunday morning I prepared my coffee and set out to ensure all the ingredients for cookie making day with my girlfriend were in order.  We chatted on the phone and she an her daughter we all set to come over and carry on the tradition that we had come to love, year after year.  You see her daughter was not only adopted from Guatamala by she and her husband, but Ana adopted MY heart  when she came home. I wanted to share all the holiday traditions my Mom gave to me and hand them to Ana as my gift to her life.

I scurried around cleaning up a bit before their arrival and made my way to the basement to put something away. As I opened the door, I saw those same fans that I had turned off in the early hours of the morning, floating by me in a foot of water.

I sat at the top of the stairs, looking down and the tears came out of me like a dam that had burst open. This had put me over the edge as oftentimes happens in life when one tries to keep in together for so long. It's that one thing that causes the tiny hole to become wider and before you know it, the release happens!

In true form, I pull myself together, grab my knee high L.L Bean boots (saved for just these occassions, I might add!) and trudge through the water to investigate the damage. I discovered the water was very close to to coming up to the bottom of the furnace! Thankfully, the hot water tank was up higher than the furnace, but I needed to act and quickly.

Four angels, my brother and his friend from the firehall, a friend and his son, arrive at my doorstep not an hour later ready to help. The rains continued to come as the men worked to get the water out and discover the root of the problem. Their jackets were wet, their glasses foggy from the cold of the outside and warmth of the house. Yet they persevered until all the water was out and things were stabilized.

I thanked them all as they walked out the door and promised cookies would be forthcoming. I said a prayer of gratitude as these are men who have continued to help me time and again with anything I need around the house. Sometimes, a simple "thank you" doesn't seem to be enough for all these people do for me.

I made the call to my girlfriend to let her know that cookie day would have to be postponed and I knew that there was a job before me for days, maybe weeks to come.

However, as I methodically went about clearing out the contents of wet cardboard boxes, I watched my life in books over the last ten or more years.  Books about infertility and adoption, books about leadership, books about sexuality and spirituality, poetry, Classic Literature, healthy living, gardening and more books.

Over the years books have taught me in school, comforted me in times of sorrow, made me laugh and given me joy.  They have schooled me in the ways of improving my self in so many ways, from health and fitness to relationships and of course my favorite and it appears from the volumes of books, how to become a more spiritual being.

It is the loss of precious books, greeting cards from friends, family and lovers throughout the years and wedding pictures that made me shed the tears.  You see these precious items so dear to my heart had
survived a fire not seven years ago in my now, beautiful home.  Yet, I was losing them to a flood.  I am not certain why. The only thing that comes to mind are the consoling words of my dear friend when I called her to postpone cookie day."Kim, perhaps it's time for a part of your life to be cleansed and to start anew."  A symbolism of sorts.  My dear friend has always seen life from a more spiritual realm and she reminds me always, in times like these that perhaps there is a higher meaning to it all.

And then what did she hand me on day two of cleaning?  A Book!  Of course, as this is the language she and I speak.

Books, they have always had a special place in my heart and they don every surface of my house.  The kitchen table has a new cookbook on it, the side table in my office has a recently finished novel, my nightstand holds several novels read not a few weeks ago and right now my writing desk holds a very special book.

You see this book is a Bible.  I found it today amongst the boxes of books that I thought were destroyed by the flood.  But yet, this one was not.  I was perplexed as I looked at it because I couldn't imagine where I had gotten it from and who gave it to me.  My friend was standing next to me as we were diligently trying to sort the books to toss and the books to save.  For some reason, I turned the book over to the back and I starred at the handwritting and I knew it immediately.

It was my maternal Grandmothers Bible. She had died many years ago.  In this very special book, she wrote the birth of all of her children and her grandchildren.  She clipped out the wedding announcements and birth announcements and taped them to the back of her Bible. She even had her parents anniversary announcement and picture.  I continued to stare at this book and then I discovered two pages in which she scribed some of her thoughts.  I began to read aloud to my friend who stood next to me:

                                                    The Weaver

                            My life is but a weaving
                               Between my Lord and me
                            I cannot choose the colors
                               He worked steadily.

                            Oftentimes He weaveth sorrow
                               And I in foolish pride
                            Forget He sees the upper
                               And I , the underside

                            Not till the loom is silent
                               And the shuttles cease to fly
                           Shall God unroll the canvas
                               And explain the reason why.

                            The dark threads are as needful
                               In the Weaver's skillful hand
                            As the threads of gold and silver
                               In the pattern He has planned.

Many years ago, someone told me that I "needed to clean the basement" and that "my Grandmother wanted to speak to me."

Perhaps this is why the flood happened in my basement, time to cleanse, to clear away, release and finally hear my Grandmother.


*  A shuttle is a tool designed to neatly and compactly store or a holder that carries the thread across the loom weft yarn while weaving. Shuttles are thrown or passed back and forth through the shed, between the yarn threads of the warp in order to weave in the weft.
The simplest shuttles, known as "stick shuttles", are made from a flat, narrow piece of wood with notches on the ends to hold the weft yarn. More complicated shuttles incorporate bobbins or pirns.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

The Peacefulness of Winter

The snow blankets the streets, the flakes sparkle in the shadow of the streetlights and the earth becomes still. A time for reflection and rest for the body and the soul. Slow down, breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in and breathe out. Let the sound of the silence calm your spirit. Know that All is Well.

The earth takes its time to Be. And so shall we.

To Be. To stop, if only for awhile and let the peacefulness of Spirit soothe our souls.

Breathe in the cold winter air, let it fill your lungs and cleanse them from all the pollution of life.

Breathe out the troubles of your soul, let them float away and dissapate into space.

Honor the earth as it teaches us to slow down, to wrap ourselves in the warmth and love of the ones
closest to our hearts and the homes we cherish.

Breathe in the peace of the winter sky, let it fill you with tranquility on this day that is a gift from God.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Our Life's Calling

I write this to all my readers who are struggling to find their place in the world.  To my women friends who are creating new lives after divorces and deaths of their loved ones.  To the many male friends I have who are working so hard to create the lives they have always dreamed of.

There are days when the dream seems so far away, yet, God and the Universe know that it is so close.

There are days when we can sense it and taste it and feel it and it feels so DAMN GOOD!

There are days when the struggle sometimes doesn't seem worth it, BUT, IT IS!

There are days when we see it all start to come together and these are times we need to celebrate. These are the moments that keeps us going.

There are days when we don't understand why the road took a bit of a different turn and we find ourselves asking the question: Is this really my Calling ? or does God have something else in mind? If so, what is it?

There are days we need to step back, and do what Tony Robbins taught me to do... "Breathe from the Heart."   and listen to the silence.

There are days when we get back on our souls pathway and we "know" when that is.  And all is right with our world once again.

And when we do that "our dreams will chase after us" as Wayne Dyer says.

Enjoy this Golden Day of Autumn my friends,


Saturday, November 2, 2013

What do you Know?

A friend asked me this morning, "What do you know?" Stunned at the question and it was pre-coffee (hahaha), I wasn't sure how to respond. I have pondered this for most of the day.

What do I KNOW?  Here is my response to you my friend.

I do KNOW:  That somehow love prevails in everything.

I do KNOW:  That my Mother loves me.

I do KNOW: That there is a Higher Power that operates our Universe.

I do KNOW: That there is much more GOOD in the world than there is bad. We only need to look for it and it is all around us! My friends, open your eyes!

I do KNOW: That at times life seems to be really hard.  But it's in those really hard times/days, that the people who love us most come to give us a hug! and somehow they wrap themselves around our hearts even if only for a moment!

I do KNOW: That my parents did the very best they could and I will forever be grateful to them for this gift
called LIFE!

I do KNOW: That giving feels sooooo GOOD!

I do KNOW: That life is fleeting and we should cherish every great morsel we get!

I do KNOW:  That making love with someone who you are truly connected to feels so AMAZING!

I do KNOW:  That I have some of the VERY BEST FRIENDS, one could ever ask for!

I do KNOW:  That I was blessed to have been given MY FAMILY!

I do KNOW:  That I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS! And I always wanted to be Santa's Daughter so I could everyone lots of love and gifts!

I do KNOW:  That the world is full of LOVE.

I do KNOW:  That I don't like the emotions of frustration and anger, I would much rather feel love.

I do KNOW: That I am one big hormoe these days! and I cry very easily but those that really love me know that and love me anyway! (hahaha)

I do KNOW:  That I love PASTA and everything Italian even though too much appears on my ass!

I do KNOW:  That there are lots of crazy things happening in the world right now, but somehow in my heart, I know that the Human Spirit will prevail and love will conquer all of this ugliness!

I do KNOW:  That animals give us unconditional love and we need to respect them. It's their planet too!

I do KNOW: That it's important to eat well and exercise.

I do KNOW:  That music is food for the soul!

I do KNOW: That we are all born with gifts to give to the world.

I do KNOW:  That talking with someone face to face and looking into their eyes is sooo much better than texting or email!

I do KNOW:  That HOME is where family and friends are!

I do KNOW:  The people on this planet need to take a step back and breathe for awhile, I believe our Mother Earth is trying to give us that message!

I do KNOW: That I have so much more to learn and to grow as a person.

I do KNOW:  That life is a journey that is worth living, learning through all of it's ups and downs.  My mother wrote me a poem on my 13th birthday that said, for me to stop climbing the mountains of life, would be for me to die - she is right.

I do KNOW: That I am not always the most prompt person in the world and it always seems that I get most inspired to write when I have to meet my friends on a saturday night!   Well, this time I will surprise them and meet them on time.

Good Night My dear Readers,


Friday, September 27, 2013

Hope, is the only thing we have to hold onto

                                                Is the Only thing we have to hold onto

Said the short, blue eyed, reddish-blonde haired Jewish woman to the young girl.  The young girl looked into her eyes and then down to her arm.  The numbers emblazened on to her skin by hatred and evil.

"Come, let me share something with you."   The two made their way up the stairs and into a bedroom.  The door closed behind them.

Again, the old woman looked at the young girl and held up her arm.  Seventeen, "medical experiments."  I met my husband as we walk out of the Camp together, free at last.

The doctors said we would never have a child because of what was done to me. All of the doctors say this, but One.  One, tell me, "go home, sweep the floor with a broom, side to side."

"I go home and I sweep the floor." Silence filled the room as those sky blue eyes looked into the young woman's soul.  "I go home and I sweep the floor and I have a son!"   Their eyes held each other for what seemed like a very long time. The young girl cried inside for the woman's  pain of enduring horrific "medical experiments" , the internal strength of Hope and the Miracle of a baby boy.

This blog is dedicated to a dear friend who is challenged with the struggles of infertility.

My dear friend, God blessed Abraham and Sara with a son and he blessed this old woman and her husband, who met in a Nazi Concentration Camp, with a son.  I know that He will bless You too!

Remember,  Hope
                Is the Only thing we have to hold onto.

* This is a true story, I was the young girl.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Realms of Grace

My Dearest Readers,

How have you been? Has your life been in a season of winter, fall, spring or summer?  What do I mean by that? Well, it is something I learned from a great teacher of mine Tony Robbins.  The seasons represent periods of our lives.

As I reflect over the last few months of my life, I have to say it has felt like winter for sure, with overriding feelings of depression and sadness as my mother struggled for life in a hospital bed.   The roller coaster of emotions was amazingly intense, too intense actually. Nothing else mattered but to do everything I could to save her life. I knew her time was not up yet and I was determined to see that it wasn't.  Yes, I know that God is the only one that determines the fate of our lives but the control freak, type A personality  that I have somehow wanted to believe I could play a part in His orchestra.

I am happy to say that she is recovering at home now and seems to be doing well. A gift of Grace for sure!  I pray everyday that she regains strength so that she will be with her family for another 20 years.

Most of my friends would tell you that sadness and depression are not emotions that would describe me. More like vibrant, alive, fun loving, energetic are the words they would use.  So, you could imagine how off balance I felt and how desperate I have been to come away from all of that and once again, feel happy and hopeful.

At the same time, I have to say there have been times of spring, meeting the  people that have walked through the front door as I began opening my house to guests through AirBnB.  AirBnB is an international website that allows people to stay in others homes for a fee, much like a Bed and Breakfast.  I began having guests in my home just about the same time my mother went in for her hip surgery in early May.  I have hosted folks from Germany, Indonesia, Russia, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Oregan, Michigan, New York, New Hampshire, Texas and Ireland.  This diversion from my mother's illness , although requiring physical energy was a breath of fresh air.  Each guest brought a richness to my life as they shared their lives and their stories with me.  The guests who were more outgoing and talkative came to me as I needed the message they shared and their companionship.  The quieter folks, entered the door as I needed my personal space and time for reflection.

It was challenging to manage my full time job, taking care of my mother and having guests in my home.  At times, I wondered if I had the energy to make it through a full day, but I did, by the mere grace of God.  And I thank God that he blessed me with the priviledge of having met these people.

And there were those that showed me signs of summer, of protection. My darling and dear friends, who never, ever,  let me stay down for too long and held me up when I needed the strength of their arms and shoulders.  The texts that came in day, after day, hour after hour from each one of them was like an invisible net of love letting me know they were there in spirit even if they couldn't be there physically.  The hugs that came each time I saw them made life a bit easier to deal with.  You know who you are my friends, my love to you forever and always.  You all have showed me what true friendship is.  That true friendship never leaves us even in the darkest of times when you can't see the way out. These are the arms of grace that embrace.

The autumn has come upon myself and my family , not only from the temperature outside but from the love that bonded us together during this time.  Old wounds started to heal as forgiveness was offered as a gift to each other as my mom's life was held in the balance.  Courage came upon my sister to start life anew in Florida. My father has joined our family once again and in some odd way, I feel, he has taken his rightful seat at the table. For this , I am grateful as it feels like a weight has been lifted and all is in harmony once again with our family.  Grace has bestowed her fragrance upon us.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

"I more Battle", My Mother's Courage

This will be a difficult blog to write, but I do this in honor of my Mom who is also a writer. This morning as we all get up and contemplate how we will spend our Fourth of July holiday,  my Mom lies in a hospital bed struggling to live.

Yesterday, I was given the gift of some precious time with her as we communicated via the written word. You see my Mom is on a ventilator, helping her to breathe when she cannot.  The good news is that she spent the whole day off the ventilator for the first time since last Thursday when she was admitted.

So, as I stood by her bedside and held her hand and talked to her intermittently between sleep, we were able to have an intimate discussion.

Her beautiful blue eyes looked at me and she mouthed, "I can't take much more."  My heart looked at my mother, the woman who gave me life, who has put up with my crap, has loved me through anything, has supported me through all my life's dreams, shared so many of my joys and all I wanted to do was make it all better, however I could.

And for the first time since my Mom had her hip surgery on May 6th, which was the start of this journey, I said to her: "It's ok Mom, if you can't do it anymore." " It's your decision to go or stay, we will be ok." The tears rolled down my cheeks like a waterfall just as they are now.  Afterall, isn't this the ultimate gift we can give those we love? The gift of letting go?

So, as I cried, my Mom motioned to me that she wished to write. I held the clipboard as she looked at me and wrote, " I more Battle." I thought to myself, good God, this woman is amazingly strong.  As she lay there with black and blue marks all over her arms, her eyes crusted over from all the medication, her legs a bit puffy from the swelling, and her lungs and heart working overtime, she still has the courage to carry on.

She motioned for me to come closer as she wiped my tears. Still my Mom, still wiping my tears.

I promised her I would stay the course with her , if that is what she chooses.

 My Motherwrote me this beautiful poem on my Thirteenth Birthday that was titled "My Daughters Courage."  It talked about my ability to climb mountains when no one thought I could , and my unending desire to meet new challenges in life.

Well Mom, that all comes from You.  This is the Gift you gave me and in turn, I give you the gift of staying the course with you, however long that is, another day, another month, another year, another ten years.

I will keep that piece of paper that my mother wrote on for the rest of my life as a symbol of the woman she is and will always be.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Reunited Once Again

Reunited once Again with the keyboard, my morning coffee and thoughts to ponder.  It feels good to be back.  Its been way too long.  A special thank you goes out to a new acquaintance in my life, who has given me the inspiration.

So, what to say on this beautiful summer morning? The day after the Summer Solstice.  The sun is shining, illuminating the lush green of the maple trees, the choir of birds sing with joy and the quietness of the morning is refreshing.

Wouldn't it be nice if the weather was like this all year round?  But then again, would we appreciate it as much? Probably not.

I love the summer time in Buffalo.  There is so much to do and we really pack "it" in within a short three months.  There are several major festivals that happen starting in June with the Allentown Art Festival and Helenic Festival, July rolls in with the Taste of Buffalo and starting this year, the Italian Festival will be held in August.  Live music can be seen and heard nearly every day of the week at some outdoor venue.

I ate at a new restaurant last night that I have wanted to try for quite awhile now.  The BlackRock Kitchen,, owned my Mark Goldman who also owns the Allen Street Hardware bar and restaurant ,

Tonight will be another new adventure as my friends and I head out to Tappo, another one of Rocco Termini's investments to bring the city back to life.  Check out the write up in Buffalo Rising:

It feels good to put my fingers on the keyboard once again.  Much has happened in my life over the last six to eight months that has distracted my writing. Sometimes when emotion is too high the words just don't come.  Perhaps at some point I will share all of this with you my dedicated readers.  And when I do, I want it to come from a more spiritual perspective than a physical perspective.   I am still working through some of it.

Thank you my dear readers for being patient and faithful.  I am off to enjoy my evening with dear friends.

With Love and Light,


Saturday, March 2, 2013

A Message of Love to A Friend

Dear Friends and Readers,

I saw this picture and was reminded of how precious girlfriends are.  The solid, girlfriend friendships that last through years of life. The ups, the downs, the fun, the mistakes and the celebrations.

Today, one of my dear friends is in pain.  Not physicial pain, but a heartfelt pain that you cannot put a bandage on or remove by surgery.  Although, feeling this much pain in your heart, one wishes they could surgically remove it.

Divorce is such a difficult process to go through, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. The ups and downs can be on a daily basis and one feels like they will never recover.  And the residual impact is unknown until the papers are signed and one tries to put the pieces back together.

My heart goes out to my dear friend today. I know that she is loved by so many friends and family and that she will overcome the pain that this bears.

Relationships in our lives are so important to our growth as humans.  And it seems that the relationship between men and women plays such a key role in our existence.  This primary bond can be so exciting and joyful and at the same time it can be so incredibly painful when we part ways.

We must choose our relationships wisely and be careful to surround ourselves with positive people that build us up instead of tear us down or ones that cause emotional havoc. 

I am thinking of you today my friend with lots of love and hopefullness that Light will soon shine upon your world and make it brighter once again.

With much Love,


Taking time for A Stranger

I have been waiting for my silence to be broken and for inspiration to come to write once again. 

And the inspiration came on a very snowy and cold night in February.  The streets were a bit tricky to drive on and warnings spread throughout the TV and radio stations about the NorthEast Blizzard coming to New York City, Boston and Rhode Island. 

As I worked throughout the day watching the snow come down like rain, I yearned to be home in my kitchen cooking up a nice hot meal. As the clock struck 5, I headed to my car and drove toward the grocery store.  I had wanted to get a quick work out in but after trudging my way through slick road conditions, home was my destination of choice.

I walked through the familiar doors of Wegmans, I must walk through them as much as I do my home and the gym, and noticed some people mulling around outside.  I couldn't quite make out what was going on so I proceeded toward the produce.  As I walked toward the oranges, an older man stopped me and asked me if someone had gotten hurt outside. and that "He would have helped Her if He were out there."  I smiled at him and proceeded to walk away when he asked me if I used Avon products.

I stopped in my tracks and thought, Now why would this older gentleman ask me such an odd question? I turned around and said "No, I use Estee Lauder." 
Oh, Estee Lauder, my wife used Estee Lauder, he replied.  He continued on to say that he had  lost her about a year ago and that he  was going through a cabinet recently and found some Estee Lauder perfume she had worn sprayed it into the air.  "I shouldn't have done that" he said quietly.

I saw the pain in his heart come through his eyes. I reached out and touched his arm, looked into his eyes and said that I was sorry to hear that.

He thanked me and proceeded to tell me that he needs a 50 year old woman or maybe a 45 year old woman to spend time with.  I almost choked as I just turned 50 not six weeks ago! 

He went onto to say, "I work out every day young lady! Look at me, how old do you think I am?"  So, I told him that really I wasn't too good at that game.

He said I am 78! Do you have a boyfriend? Oh boy, I knew that was coming! Although I didn't have an "official" boyfriend, I said I did anyway.  I didn't want to hurt the older mans feelings by turning him down for a date. 

As we continued to chat, we turned to see beautiful tulip bulbs  set in glass vases that were for sale. They were bright red, orange/yellow and pink.  I cherished the view and said that these sure made you feel good in the midst of a snowstorm. 

This sweet ,older man told me that if I were his girlfriend, he would buy one for me.  I knew that came from his heart.

I didn't have a sweetheart to celebrate this Valentines Day with and nor did this older man, however, that brief encounter warmed my heart and I hoped it gave him a bit of joy as well.

And so my dear friends and readers, although we don't have that special someone in our lives that we wake up to each day, take the time to talk to a stranger, give a smile to someone, surround yourselves with those that lift you up.  Love will fill your heart.