Hope, is the only thing we have to hold onto

                                                                    Hope,
                                                Is the Only thing we have to hold onto


Said the short, blue eyed, reddish-blonde haired Jewish woman to the young girl.  The young girl looked into her eyes and then down to her arm.  The numbers emblazened on to her skin by hatred and evil.

"Come, let me share something with you."   The two made their way up the stairs and into a bedroom.  The door closed behind them.

Again, the old woman looked at the young girl and held up her arm.  Seventeen, "medical experiments."  I met my husband as we walk out of the Camp together, free at last.

The doctors said we would never have a child because of what was done to me. All of the doctors say this, but One.  One, tell me, "go home, sweep the floor with a broom, side to side."

"I go home and I sweep the floor." Silence filled the room as those sky blue eyes looked into the young woman's soul.  "I go home and I sweep the floor and I have a son!"   Their eyes held each other for what seemed like a very long time. The young girl cried inside for the woman's  pain of enduring horrific "medical experiments" , the internal strength of Hope and the Miracle of a baby boy.

This blog is dedicated to a dear friend who is challenged with the struggles of infertility.

My dear friend, God blessed Abraham and Sara with a son and he blessed this old woman and her husband, who met in a Nazi Concentration Camp, with a son.  I know that He will bless You too!

Remember,  Hope
                Is the Only thing we have to hold onto.






* This is a true story, I was the young girl.

Realms of Grace

My Dearest Readers,

How have you been? Has your life been in a season of winter, fall, spring or summer?  What do I mean by that? Well, it is something I learned from a great teacher of mine Tony Robbins.  The seasons represent periods of our lives.

As I reflect over the last few months of my life, I have to say it has felt like winter for sure, with overriding feelings of depression and sadness as my mother struggled for life in a hospital bed.   The roller coaster of emotions was amazingly intense, too intense actually. Nothing else mattered but to do everything I could to save her life. I knew her time was not up yet and I was determined to see that it wasn't.  Yes, I know that God is the only one that determines the fate of our lives but the control freak, type A personality  that I have somehow wanted to believe I could play a part in His orchestra.

I am happy to say that she is recovering at home now and seems to be doing well. A gift of Grace for sure!  I pray everyday that she regains strength so that she will be with her family for another 20 years.

Most of my friends would tell you that sadness and depression are not emotions that would describe me. More like vibrant, alive, fun loving, energetic are the words they would use.  So, you could imagine how off balance I felt and how desperate I have been to come away from all of that and once again, feel happy and hopeful.

At the same time, I have to say there have been times of spring, meeting the  people that have walked through the front door as I began opening my house to guests through AirBnB.  AirBnB is an international website that allows people to stay in others homes for a fee, much like a Bed and Breakfast.  I began having guests in my home just about the same time my mother went in for her hip surgery in early May.  I have hosted folks from Germany, Indonesia, Russia, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Oregan, Michigan, New York, New Hampshire, Texas and Ireland.  This diversion from my mother's illness , although requiring physical energy was a breath of fresh air.  Each guest brought a richness to my life as they shared their lives and their stories with me.  The guests who were more outgoing and talkative came to me as I needed the message they shared and their companionship.  The quieter folks, entered the door as I needed my personal space and time for reflection.

It was challenging to manage my full time job, taking care of my mother and having guests in my home.  At times, I wondered if I had the energy to make it through a full day, but I did, by the mere grace of God.  And I thank God that he blessed me with the priviledge of having met these people.

And there were those that showed me signs of summer, of protection. My darling and dear friends, who never, ever,  let me stay down for too long and held me up when I needed the strength of their arms and shoulders.  The texts that came in day, after day, hour after hour from each one of them was like an invisible net of love letting me know they were there in spirit even if they couldn't be there physically.  The hugs that came each time I saw them made life a bit easier to deal with.  You know who you are my friends, my love to you forever and always.  You all have showed me what true friendship is.  That true friendship never leaves us even in the darkest of times when you can't see the way out. These are the arms of grace that embrace.

The autumn has come upon myself and my family , not only from the temperature outside but from the love that bonded us together during this time.  Old wounds started to heal as forgiveness was offered as a gift to each other as my mom's life was held in the balance.  Courage came upon my sister to start life anew in Florida. My father has joined our family once again and in some odd way, I feel, he has taken his rightful seat at the table. For this , I am grateful as it feels like a weight has been lifted and all is in harmony once again with our family.  Grace has bestowed her fragrance upon us.

"I more Battle", My Mother's Courage

This will be a difficult blog to write, but I do this in honor of my Mom who is also a writer. This morning as we all get up and contemplate how we will spend our Fourth of July holiday,  my Mom lies in a hospital bed struggling to live.

Yesterday, I was given the gift of some precious time with her as we communicated via the written word. You see my Mom is on a ventilator, helping her to breathe when she cannot.  The good news is that she spent the whole day off the ventilator for the first time since last Thursday when she was admitted.

So, as I stood by her bedside and held her hand and talked to her intermittently between sleep, we were able to have an intimate discussion.

Her beautiful blue eyes looked at me and she mouthed, "I can't take much more."  My heart looked at my mother, the woman who gave me life, who has put up with my crap, has loved me through anything, has supported me through all my life's dreams, shared so many of my joys and all I wanted to do was make it all better, however I could.

And for the first time since my Mom had her hip surgery on May 6th, which was the start of this journey, I said to her: "It's ok Mom, if you can't do it anymore." " It's your decision to go or stay, we will be ok." The tears rolled down my cheeks like a waterfall just as they are now.  Afterall, isn't this the ultimate gift we can give those we love? The gift of letting go?

So, as I cried, my Mom motioned to me that she wished to write. I held the clipboard as she looked at me and wrote, " I more Battle." I thought to myself, good God, this woman is amazingly strong.  As she lay there with black and blue marks all over her arms, her eyes crusted over from all the medication, her legs a bit puffy from the swelling, and her lungs and heart working overtime, she still has the courage to carry on.

She motioned for me to come closer as she wiped my tears. Still my Mom, still wiping my tears.

I promised her I would stay the course with her , if that is what she chooses.

 My Motherwrote me this beautiful poem on my Thirteenth Birthday that was titled "My Daughters Courage."  It talked about my ability to climb mountains when no one thought I could , and my unending desire to meet new challenges in life.

Well Mom, that all comes from You.  This is the Gift you gave me and in turn, I give you the gift of staying the course with you, however long that is, another day, another month, another year, another ten years.

I will keep that piece of paper that my mother wrote on for the rest of my life as a symbol of the woman she is and will always be.

Reunited Once Again

Reunited once Again with the keyboard, my morning coffee and thoughts to ponder.  It feels good to be back.  Its been way too long.  A special thank you goes out to a new acquaintance in my life, who has given me the inspiration.

So, what to say on this beautiful summer morning? The day after the Summer Solstice.  The sun is shining, illuminating the lush green of the maple trees, the choir of birds sing with joy and the quietness of the morning is refreshing.

Wouldn't it be nice if the weather was like this all year round?  But then again, would we appreciate it as much? Probably not.

I love the summer time in Buffalo.  There is so much to do and we really pack "it" in within a short three months.  There are several major festivals that happen starting in June with the Allentown Art Festival and Helenic Festival, July rolls in with the Taste of Buffalo and starting this year, the Italian Festival will be held in August.  Live music can be seen and heard nearly every day of the week at some outdoor venue.

I ate at a new restaurant last night that I have wanted to try for quite awhile now.  The BlackRock Kitchen, http://www.blackrockkitchenandbar.com, owned my Mark Goldman who also owns the Allen Street Hardware bar and restaurant , http://www.allenstreethardware.com/.

Tonight will be another new adventure as my friends and I head out to Tappo, another one of Rocco Termini's investments to bring the city back to life.  Check out the write up in Buffalo Rising: http://www.buffalorising.com/2013/06/-tappo-restaurant-opened-to.html.

It feels good to put my fingers on the keyboard once again.  Much has happened in my life over the last six to eight months that has distracted my writing. Sometimes when emotion is too high the words just don't come.  Perhaps at some point I will share all of this with you my dedicated readers.  And when I do, I want it to come from a more spiritual perspective than a physical perspective.   I am still working through some of it.

Thank you my dear readers for being patient and faithful.  I am off to enjoy my evening with dear friends.

With Love and Light,

Kimberley

A Message of Love to A Friend

Dear Friends and Readers,





I saw this picture and was reminded of how precious girlfriends are.  The solid, girlfriend friendships that last through years of life. The ups, the downs, the fun, the mistakes and the celebrations.

Today, one of my dear friends is in pain.  Not physicial pain, but a heartfelt pain that you cannot put a bandage on or remove by surgery.  Although, feeling this much pain in your heart, one wishes they could surgically remove it.

Divorce is such a difficult process to go through, emotionally, spiritually, physically and financially. The ups and downs can be on a daily basis and one feels like they will never recover.  And the residual impact is unknown until the papers are signed and one tries to put the pieces back together.

My heart goes out to my dear friend today. I know that she is loved by so many friends and family and that she will overcome the pain that this bears.

Relationships in our lives are so important to our growth as humans.  And it seems that the relationship between men and women plays such a key role in our existence.  This primary bond can be so exciting and joyful and at the same time it can be so incredibly painful when we part ways.

We must choose our relationships wisely and be careful to surround ourselves with positive people that build us up instead of tear us down or ones that cause emotional havoc. 

I am thinking of you today my friend with lots of love and hopefullness that Light will soon shine upon your world and make it brighter once again.

With much Love,

Kimberley

Taking time for A Stranger

I have been waiting for my silence to be broken and for inspiration to come to write once again. 

And the inspiration came on a very snowy and cold night in February.  The streets were a bit tricky to drive on and warnings spread throughout the TV and radio stations about the NorthEast Blizzard coming to New York City, Boston and Rhode Island. 

As I worked throughout the day watching the snow come down like rain, I yearned to be home in my kitchen cooking up a nice hot meal. As the clock struck 5, I headed to my car and drove toward the grocery store.  I had wanted to get a quick work out in but after trudging my way through slick road conditions, home was my destination of choice.

I walked through the familiar doors of Wegmans, I must walk through them as much as I do my home and the gym, and noticed some people mulling around outside.  I couldn't quite make out what was going on so I proceeded toward the produce.  As I walked toward the oranges, an older man stopped me and asked me if someone had gotten hurt outside. and that "He would have helped Her if He were out there."  I smiled at him and proceeded to walk away when he asked me if I used Avon products.

I stopped in my tracks and thought, Now why would this older gentleman ask me such an odd question? I turned around and said "No, I use Estee Lauder." 
Oh, Estee Lauder, my wife used Estee Lauder, he replied.  He continued on to say that he had  lost her about a year ago and that he  was going through a cabinet recently and found some Estee Lauder perfume she had worn sprayed it into the air.  "I shouldn't have done that" he said quietly.

I saw the pain in his heart come through his eyes. I reached out and touched his arm, looked into his eyes and said that I was sorry to hear that.

He thanked me and proceeded to tell me that he needs a 50 year old woman or maybe a 45 year old woman to spend time with.  I almost choked as I just turned 50 not six weeks ago! 

He went onto to say, "I work out every day young lady! Look at me, how old do you think I am?"  So, I told him that really I wasn't too good at that game.

He said I am 78! Do you have a boyfriend? Oh boy, I knew that was coming! Although I didn't have an "official" boyfriend, I said I did anyway.  I didn't want to hurt the older mans feelings by turning him down for a date. 

As we continued to chat, we turned to see beautiful tulip bulbs  set in glass vases that were for sale. They were bright red, orange/yellow and pink.  I cherished the view and said that these sure made you feel good in the midst of a snowstorm. 

This sweet ,older man told me that if I were his girlfriend, he would buy one for me.  I knew that came from his heart.

I didn't have a sweetheart to celebrate this Valentines Day with and nor did this older man, however, that brief encounter warmed my heart and I hoped it gave him a bit of joy as well.

And so my dear friends and readers, although we don't have that special someone in our lives that we wake up to each day, take the time to talk to a stranger, give a smile to someone, surround yourselves with those that lift you up.  Love will fill your heart.

Kimberley

Withdrawing from the World

Sometimes, I find it necessary to withdraw from the world for awhile to get myself centered once again. Is this a lonely place? No.  It is a place to reunite with self and the Higher Power that resides within and around us. 

Over the last few years, I have found this meditative, quiet time an almost desperate need that calls out.  It's as if Spirit wants to communicate with me.

It is during these times, I find I must be silent and listen.  Funny how those two words have the same letters in them.

Take the time and be still my child, says Spirit

My plate is full, I have made promises, my mind replies.

It's ok. They will understand. Spirit answers.

But.

No, buts.

What will you say to me?

What will be revealed?

Be still my child.