Sunday, September 15, 2013
Realms of Grace
My Dearest Readers,
How have you been? Has your life been in a season of winter, fall, spring or summer? What do I mean by that? Well, it is something I learned from a great teacher of mine Tony Robbins. The seasons represent periods of our lives.
As I reflect over the last few months of my life, I have to say it has felt like winter for sure, with overriding feelings of depression and sadness as my mother struggled for life in a hospital bed. The roller coaster of emotions was amazingly intense, too intense actually. Nothing else mattered but to do everything I could to save her life. I knew her time was not up yet and I was determined to see that it wasn't. Yes, I know that God is the only one that determines the fate of our lives but the control freak, type A personality that I have somehow wanted to believe I could play a part in His orchestra.
I am happy to say that she is recovering at home now and seems to be doing well. A gift of Grace for sure! I pray everyday that she regains strength so that she will be with her family for another 20 years.
Most of my friends would tell you that sadness and depression are not emotions that would describe me. More like vibrant, alive, fun loving, energetic are the words they would use. So, you could imagine how off balance I felt and how desperate I have been to come away from all of that and once again, feel happy and hopeful.
At the same time, I have to say there have been times of spring, meeting the people that have walked through the front door as I began opening my house to guests through AirBnB. AirBnB is an international website that allows people to stay in others homes for a fee, much like a Bed and Breakfast. I began having guests in my home just about the same time my mother went in for her hip surgery in early May. I have hosted folks from Germany, Indonesia, Russia, Australia, Hong Kong, Singapore, Oregan, Michigan, New York, New Hampshire, Texas and Ireland. This diversion from my mother's illness , although requiring physical energy was a breath of fresh air. Each guest brought a richness to my life as they shared their lives and their stories with me. The guests who were more outgoing and talkative came to me as I needed the message they shared and their companionship. The quieter folks, entered the door as I needed my personal space and time for reflection.
It was challenging to manage my full time job, taking care of my mother and having guests in my home. At times, I wondered if I had the energy to make it through a full day, but I did, by the mere grace of God. And I thank God that he blessed me with the priviledge of having met these people.
And there were those that showed me signs of summer, of protection. My darling and dear friends, who never, ever, let me stay down for too long and held me up when I needed the strength of their arms and shoulders. The texts that came in day, after day, hour after hour from each one of them was like an invisible net of love letting me know they were there in spirit even if they couldn't be there physically. The hugs that came each time I saw them made life a bit easier to deal with. You know who you are my friends, my love to you forever and always. You all have showed me what true friendship is. That true friendship never leaves us even in the darkest of times when you can't see the way out. These are the arms of grace that embrace.
The autumn has come upon myself and my family , not only from the temperature outside but from the love that bonded us together during this time. Old wounds started to heal as forgiveness was offered as a gift to each other as my mom's life was held in the balance. Courage came upon my sister to start life anew in Florida. My father has joined our family once again and in some odd way, I feel, he has taken his rightful seat at the table. For this , I am grateful as it feels like a weight has been lifted and all is in harmony once again with our family. Grace has bestowed her fragrance upon us.