Is this how our Story Ends as a Country? As a world?

 

 

 

 

Our country has spent the last, almost 18 months in turmoil. In fact, perhaps it's not just our country , but the world at large. As I listen and experience these times, my heart is saddened to see what we as a human race has allowed to happen.

We have allowed fear to drive us to divide ourselves from each other. Everyone is so busy fighting for their position on whatever is the topic at hand, the elections, the virus, how the virus has been handled and now it's the vaccine - that we forget what is truly important. 

What is truly important? Do we want to continue on this way? I know I don't. 

Employers are looking for excuses to fire good people. Friends are leaving friendships because of the vaccine. Divorces are happening because we have been locked behind doors for way too long. Businesses that we once loved, totally decimated, gone for good. People's livelihoods totally destroyed. Our mental health is being challenged everyday. Depression,suicide, domestic violence is skyrocketing. Employers are being put in no win situations regarding mask wearing/vaccine/no vaccine. Employees are challenged with potential vaccine mandates/ job/no job.  Government agencies are going after good people who have dedicated their lives to help and heal others, all because those people might not agree with what is being done? or they perhaps might have another solution to solving this health crisis other than a vaccine?

Is this how we want to be? Really?

I know I don't.

I have struggled like many others have these 18 months. With many of the above issues.

But as I step back today I have to ask myself and I ask all of you, 10 years from now, is this how we want our story to be written in the history books? How do I want my individual story to be told ? How and who do I want to emerge as from all of this?

I challenge everyone as they walk through their lives today, the next week, the coming months, to think about this. Are we going to start building a bridge to close this chasm of fear that has been created or are we going to let this ruin us?  Are we going to choose love over fear? 

Kimberley

Have you ever made Decorating and Design Mistakes? Yep, me too!

 

I am in the midst of a redesign/remodel of one of my guest bedrooms. I rent two rooms in my house on Airbnb and I decided that the original trundle bed just wasn't doing it anymore. So, I sold it and bought a full size bed with this whole lighter/cleaner/softer look in mind.  I searched for a few days for the inspiration, looking at beds/mattresses and telling the mattress people - "I need the vision first" 

They thought I was crazy and just wanted to sell me a mattress - ugh..

Well, I met this woman at Metro Mattress who took the time to brain storm with me for 45 minutes about what type of bed would be suitable for the room. We combed amazon and other sites together until I found some inspiration. She was awesome and guess what? I bought a mattress from her because she took the time and knew what I needed. 

I had my plan after I left the store that day and went home and searched online. I saw some bedding from Ballard Design that spurred my thoughts toward light blue and white bedding. I didn't quite like the bedding from Ballard, the color wasn't exactly I wanted.

So, I searched and searched and found what I wanted, or I thought I did.

I bought sheets, bedding, headboard and foot board along with a rug from Pottery Barn and bonus, it would all be delivered before my guest would move in!

Here are some pictures of what the room used to look like, and my idea for where I was headed:

 

 The room is small so I wanted it to appear bigger than it was. I don't particularly love white walls, but I was going for it anyway. After all, it's just paint and one can always repaint. 

 I called my friend and handyman, Mark, to inform him of my plans and that we needed to repaint the room. We have been working together for several years now , so he is used to my "impromptu ideas and best laid plans."

He started prepping the room and told me that the hole in the ceiling that had a cover on it, had no power going to it. Ugh. You see when I first renovated this room after a house fire, I turned it into a laundry room and the lighting was focused over the washer and dryer, not the center of the room. So, okay, now, let's call the electrician and get him out here to figure out how to get power to the center lighting area. Hiccup number one. We would solve this issue once the electrician gets here. One solution so far to this issue: Put a light on the dresser. Thank you to the Pottery Barn saleswoman, Taylor for brainstorming with me. 

Regardless of the electrical issue, the painting began and I was skeptical- it was "white." When he was done painting, I actually liked it with the wood doors that are original to the house.  Here is a picture:

 

 I actually started to love how it was turning out. And then, I looked at the floor. As you can see by this picture, the floor is a light wood. When I renovated the house after my house fire, I had all new floors put in. They look a lot like the door here in this picture. But notice what I did with the floor in this room: light wood. I wanted to differentiate the room from the others because it was designed to be the laundry room. In retrospect, i should have put the same flooring in this room, after all it was originally a bedroom. Is this Hiccup number two?  I decided, no, I was going to work with it. I would need to warm up the room anyway as I had a lot of white, glossy furniture in the room. Solution: So, I would buy a rug that would be cozy and neutral - it would take your eye away from the floor and onto the bed. This would be the plan. I would remove the navy blue rug. 

The painting got completed and I received the new rug and bedding. I was so excited, it was all going to come together easily and effortlessly. Well, no, it didn't. The rug came and it was more grey than beige/oatmeal which is what it was labeled as. And the blue and white check bedding, it wasn't the right blue - it was more of a faded blue versus the crisp, light coastal blue I was envisioning. Hiccup number three: Bedding and rug don't work and guest is moving in in two days. Solution: I used the existing rug and bedding as they matched well with the white furniture.  I called Pottery Barn and talked to one of their folks on the design team. We brainstormed ideas and came up with the second choice and a new rug. It should be arriving in another week. Cross your fingers!

This room is still a work in progress. Yes, my guest has moved in, thankfully she is a prior guest and is totally understanding with the transformation. 

What is the moral of this story? I think most design projects have their hiccups. I see it on most of those design shows on HGTV. The trick is to work "with them" and not against them. Yes, some hiccups will cause you to demo a wall, or fix some foundational issue, but a lot of them can be less expensive and more creative fixes that won't cost you that much.  Be creative, find resources to help you, and as one of my teachers, Marie Forleo says " everything is figureoutable!"

I will keep you posted on the progress and I will do a room reveal when it's done!

Have a Thankful Tuesday!

Kimberley

Lifting the Veil of Fear and tuning into Love

 

People often ask me what inspires my writing. My answer would be that it isn't just one thing in particular. It truly is what moves me at a moment in time. And yes, those things can vary so widely , but isn't life so amazing that it has so much inspiration to offer? 

Another question people ask me is , where do I write? and "on what"?  Well, that is a varied answer too. I do have a beautiful office, with yellow painted walls and my favorite white Pottery Barn desk and chairs. I write there quite often, but there are times where I find I need to retreat and really go-within. To a place of complete solitude, absolute peace and serenity. No computer, no phone , no people. Where is that place? 

Oftentimes, this place is my bedroom and sometimes it's a quiet spot that I can find amongst trees in a park or a hiking trail.

What does all of this have to do with the title of today's blog? This morning I really felt I needed to retreat, to find my center once again. The events of the larger world around me some days can be too much to bear. I feel things deeply , whether this be love or fear, some call me an empath - maybe that is true.

So, I brewed some coffee, fed the cats and curled up under the covers in my bedroom. In this space, I grabbed some of my favorite things that keep me grounded. You can see some of them in the photos.

 Victoria and Gabby and my yellow writing tablet. Yes, a magazine, a book and pen and paper. Call me old fashioned and that's okay. I am "that" in so many ways. Victoria magazine soothes my soul and brings me back to a time where life was a bit more simple. A time when appreciation of the simple things like tea time and pretty linens were a thing. I love reading every ounce of this magazine and lo and behold, this Spring edition contained my very favorite and inspiring author, Jan Karon.  She is the writer-in- residence. I hope someday perhaps that will be Mother and me. Jan wrote this very eloquent piece as only she can do. It really spoke to me and the thoughts I had been thinking over the last few days.  She helped present things to me in a soft way, and taught me that there is a way I can show up for the world that feels good to me.

And Gabby Bernstein, well I just love her work and she has been my confident and friend over the last two months as I drink in every ounce of her book, Super Attractor.  I hope to meet her one day and tell her personally , how her work changed my life and got me through a transition in my life.

And then, there is my yellow writing tablet (thank you John Boy for that). A computer will never replace writing on a yellow tablet. I wrote my first novel by hand and I am pretty sure I will write others that way as well. My emotion comes through my hands with a pen. I am left-handed, a direct line to my heart. 

Last but not least, are my furry friends, Nicholas and Cody.  Forever, my loves as the cats that have lived with me and come before them - my deep love to you Creep, Ben, Bailey and Bella. 

  This is Cody, in one of his favorite spots, watching out for all those birds and animals in the backyard.

 

And here is Nicholas, always a Momma's boy and Cody, well, he decided to nap after his bird watching.

As I sat and read my magazine and let the quiet seep in, I put pen to paper. It felt good, it felt right. I was coming back to center, love was taking over the fear I had felt over the last few days. Jan always shows up for me when my writing takes a back seat to life. She reminds me to pick up my pen and keep writing.  I listened to the purr of Nicholas , content and happy and the words came. They flowed for awhile and then I went and warmed my coffee. I let Jan's words wash over me. 

 

Once again, I found my way under the covers , with the cats in the same spot and I picked up Gabby's book. The chapter on "Lifting the Veil" was right there. Lifting the Veil of Fear. I read a few paragraphs and decided to turn on her meditation with the same name. (Yes, I grabbed my phone as I warmed my coffee). I closed my eyes and breathed deeply as I listened to her calming voice. "Picture a bridge" ..she said, "fear is behind you, walk toward the light."   The meditation last eleven minutes and the peace and calm seeped through my mind and body, the fear was leaving and once again, I was tuned into love. As I opened my eyes , I wrote and the words flowed. Inspiration coming from a place of love.

 

 

 

Cherishing Good Friday Traditions at the Broadway Market with Camillia's and Chrusciki's Bakery

 

I love Good Friday! Some years back, my Mom, her husband and I started a tradition of going to the Broadway Market on Good Friday. Those who live in Western New York would say we were out of our minds. It is the busiest day of the year at the market. There were always tons of people , hard to move around, smells of meat, baked goods, roasted nuts, chocolate, hyacinth and homemade soaps.

Yet, it always triggered the beginning of Spring for me. And we went, every year. Our bags full of placek, poppy seed roll, a butter lamb, hyacinth we ventured home eager to indulge in the flavors of the season.

A ham sandwich with mayo and placek - one of my favorites for sure!

As my Mom became unable to walk those halls and subsequently passed away, I missed that tradition so much. So, my girlfriend Nikki and I decided to keep it going. And we go , every year no matter what insanity is happening in our lives that particular year. 

This year, an unusual year for sure as we continue to experience the weirdness of this virus, we made our annual trip. She and I both needed it. We needed to ground ourselves in tradition and focus on some fun.  I picked up my ham at Camillia's (https://www.camelliameats.com/) as I do every year. In my opinion, it is the best! A big shout out to the Cichocki family for taking my order every year and for all the love you show your customers!

I also decided to start snapping some photos, so I could share it with all of you and stir some fond memories in all of us who live here. No, there were not as many people as there typically is, but people did come out and definitely seemed to enjoy themselves. I know we did.

The market has changed over the years since it's inception much like the neighborhood around it. Yet, it still remains.  Some vendors that we have grown to love are still there and others have moved to different locations, like Chrusciki's bakery (https://chruscikibakery.com/) .  So, what did we do? We went to them! After our jaunt at the market we went to to Chrusciki's new location on Transit. It is fairly new and they have combined the bakery with a restaurant and bar. The bar is called Sto Lat and the restaurant , Simply Pierogi.  It has such a great vibe and the staff is so personable and fun!  Enjoy the pictures! And comment on your fond memories of the Broadway Market - what were your favorites? Happy Easter weekend! Kimberley

 

Do you know the name of the First Flower of Spring?

 

These sweet little flowers come up every year toward the middle of March. The snow is melting and the sun starts to shine brightly. Our days get a little longer and hope is in the air.  

Each year, I look forward to looking out my sunroom window to see this recurring sign of renewal .

Spring is coming it says. 

A behold it is. 

Do you know what the name of this flower is?

Kimberley

Things I am Lovin' this week

 

The last week of February. That means Spring is getting closer. Our days are lasting a bit longer with the sun setting a bit later. I cannot wait to see my first flowers of spring arrive - snowdrops!

 

Some of the things I am loving this week are:

Phone calls and visits with Friends and Family. This is at the top of my list because I have had such a great chance to connect with friends this week and I am so grateful. These friends have kept me sane through this crazy pandemic - some are single and I am too and it has been such a great support knowing they are there with me and I with them. It's hard to live alone outside of this crazy time and then you layer this on top of it. It makes it that much more challenging. But we have called each other every week, sometimes twice a week to keep in touch. My not single friends who call despite their busy family and work schedules. And there is my family - always there sending a text, calling , sitting and chatting. Thank you to all of you, I love you all so much .

Ina Garten's poached eggs with dill on toast for breakfast! Omg, so yummy and so easy!  My girlfriend bought me The Modern Comfort food book for Christmas and I am testing the recipes. Omg, can you say - hello COVID pounds and too much good food? 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  Gabrielle Bernsteins' book called Super Attractor.  I love Gabrielle Bernstein, she just resonates with me. Her voice, the way she is so relatable and her perspective is a bit more soft and not as masculine. I am gobbling up each chapter for sure! For those of you who want to attract more in your life and are open to a more spiritual (not religious) perspective, it is a must read! She has all her books on Audible too!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Serena and Lily's Spring Catalog. Omg! I love home renovation and decorating my home. I stumbled upon this company a few months ago and I totally drool every time I look at their catalog. They are specifically for more beach /coastal designs/homes, but it just gives you a sense of peace, they bring the beach to your doorstep. I have been contemplating a change to my living room fireplace and this gave me a great idea to explore. Check them out! They are expensive but great for ideas!

 

 

 

   

A visit to Vidler's 5 and 10 in East Aurora, New York.  This is a hometown treasure for sure. You walk in and the floors creak and there is the penny candy and rows of candy that was available when you were a kid! You find anything here from bolts of fabric, "rick rack" for sewing , which reminded me so much of my mother when I saw it, to coffee, greeting cards, pots and pans, and the TOYS! Soooo much fun! Old school toys! You must make a stop there, if you have never been.

What is an Animal Communicator? Grieving the Loss of our Pets

 

 

I felt compelled to share this today as I have had the gift of  connecting with someone who is grieving so deeply over the loss of her beloved pet over the last few days. I too have experienced this deep sadness when my cats have passed and I am most certain, many of you have as well. 

Why is this grief felt at the core our being? It's like someone drilled a hole in your heart. The pain is so unbearable you can never imagine having another pet in your life again because you can't go through this pain again -it's too much.  This grief is felt so deeply because animals love us unconditionally. They greet you everyday when you come home from errands or work and they snuggle with you at night. They know when you are upset , cry, angry - they sense your energy. Animals are incredibly intuitive. How else do they know how to hunt for food or stay away from danger? Or where they left their favorite toy ? How can you explain an animal lost , eventually finds their way home? 

People who are pet owners/lovers, they know their dogs/cats/horses and their animals know them. Animals know our scent, they know our patterns of behavior and yes, they talk with us. It might not be in human language, but if you begin to talk with them early in your life with them, they do respond. And if you are aware of their body language, their patterns, their voices you will be able to sense what they are telling you. Even when they don't feel well, they will tell you what is wrong.

In 2019, two of my dear cats died - Bailey and Bella. They had been with me for a long time, nearly 14 years. Bailey died in May and Bella in December.  These two cats gave me a gift that I hope others will learn from, they gave me the gift of further understanding of energy medicine and the gift of animal communicators. 

 Joan Ranquet and Elizabeth Severino are two women who I have had the pleasure of meeting when Bailey and Bella died.They are animal communicators and two of the most gifted, wonderful women I have had the pleasure of meeting. They communicate with animals through energetic channeling and intuition. 

 I was so desperate with grief, I couldn't let go. There had to be a way to continue to connect with them. A homeopathic group I work with in Australia had recommended Elizabeth to me when Bailey was sick but I thought it was a bunch of hogwash. Well, wasn't I wrong. 

I first connected with Joan when Bailey died. I was desperate to understand the cause of death and to talk with him. I had nursed this cat with his various health issues since he had come home to me at 10 months old and he died at 14. He had some neurologic issues going on weeks before his passing and I made the mistake of putting him through dental surgery contrary to my intuition saying not to. That was the beginning of the end. He ended up having several strokes before he died. I had searched the globe to help this cat through out his life. Working with a homeopathic vet here in Buffalo and Don Hamilton in New Mexico and then a group in Australia. I needed the answer! I had figured out the health issues and found solutions for this cat his whole life, and I couldn't save him. I was beating myself up for sure, but I needed to know and I needed to keep my connection to him.

I reached out to Joan's office and asked for a session with her. I can still remember that day - I cried and was so amazed at Joan's ability to connect with animals all through a picture . Bailey told her that I was a writer and that I wrote every morning at the dining room table as he sat with me, which is true. She was also able to tell me what happened with Bailey and despite the fact that I was still so sad, it gave me great comfort knowing that we were communicating. 

I bought Joan's book: Energy Healing for Animals which has helped me on my continued journey and thirst for knowledge of energy healing. https://www.amazon.com/Energy-Healing-Animals-Hands-Enhancing/dp/1604076712/ref=sr_1_3?dchild=1&keywords=energy+healing+for+animals+joan+ranquet&qid=1614356590&s=books&sr=1-3

Fast forward to months after Bailey's death and I find out that Bella had stomach cancer. How could this have happened under my watch I asked myself? I, the person who has gone to great lengths to rid my home of toxic cleaning chemicals, I make my cat food from scratch and she has stomach cancer? My other cat Ben died of the same thing. What happened? And I felt horrible for not paying more attention to Bella, I was so focused on Bailey all these years. As I look back, the signs were there. 

The vet said there was nothing to be done, where have I heard that before? I did not accept that and once again, I contacted the vet in Australia to help while I was in the vet's office waiting to check out. I was not about to give up on little Bella. 

I soon become a 24/7 Hospice cat nurse. Round the clock homeopathic medicines for stomach cancer and giving IV fluids at home. I documented daily , prayed, slept by her side , worried and cried. I couldn't lose her too. Unfortunately, I was too late and Bella did die a month later. She died at home with me, next to the Christmas tree , in my arms.  I was numb and despite the fact that it was my favorite time of year, I felt empty. No cats in the house for the first time in over 20 years of my life. 

The life force of an animal and all that this brings to a home is hard to describe unless you are a pet owner or someone who understands the non-physical energy part of life.

So, as I had learned with Bailey, I called and booked an appointment with Dr. Liz (Elizabeth Severino D.D. D.R.S.). I did connect with Bella and in fact, Dr. Liz started to teach me to use my own channeling skills and intuition to talk with Bella.  Some of the information was hard for me to take , but in the end it was a gift I used going forward to help heal myself and one of my new cats.  Even in death, our animals give to us - unconditionally.

Here is a book that I found so fascinating by Dr. Liz: The Animals' Viewpoint on Living, Healing, and Dying. https://www.elizabethseverino.com/product/the-animals-viewpoint-on-dying-death-and-euthanasia/.

The field of Animal Communication is something I now have in high regard. And, someday, I hope to take some coursework to fine tune my abilities in this arena. For now, I highly suggest that you take a look at what these women have to offer the world. Here are their websites for your information below.

There are others out there as well. Just be sure you find someone who is credible . Especially if you are in grief, we are all vulnerable at these times , so protect yourself while you are supporting yourself.

Here is another animal communicator who appears to be very credible: https://www.katherinebozzi.ca/?gclid=CjwKCAiA1eKBBhBZEiwAX3gql6PTOIKndnqOdAv40f-saJ5cuQmAWVa2bmwuCIRklsnV3AYwZEYHqxoCRI4QAvD_BwE#/ . Thanks goes out to the woman who I have been talking to about her cat for sharing this information with me. 

Please know that Animal Communicators are also very helpful with your pets when they are alive! If you look at their websites you will see that they assist with behavior and physical issues . 

I hope this information is helpful to people out there in the world. Here is to supporting our animals and those who love them so much!

Kimberley

 

 

Things I am lovin' today

  

This is Valentines Day weekend. This is such a fun weekend to celebrate, not a lot of stress, not a lot of preparation , just some chocolate and wine type fun! So, I thought I would post about some things that I am "loving" this weekend.

 

 * Jeans!: For those of you who know me, these are my wardrobe staples! And I am always on the hunt for my next best FAV! So, a new discovery this weekend: RISEN Jeans.  I bought an olive green pair during the holidays and today at ROVE, Jewelry and Gift Boutique in Williamsville, NY, I bought a Vintage skinny jean. 

You can find their website here but they only sell to shops/boutiques.

https://www.risenjeans.com/

 Please take a ride to ROVE, Jewelry and Gifts Boutique  and buy yourself some! - these women take great care of you!

 

* Raw Cat Food: https://doggoneraw.dog/collections/cat-food

I make my own cat food with a premix made by Feline Instincts but I wanted a third meat option and wanted to try the Rabbit. I bought this from a Holistic Pet Store in Buffalo, NY called Treats Unleashed.  https://treatsunleashed.com/. 

This Pet store is amazing and full of very knowledgeable people and Ann, the owner is a doll!

 

* Just Say Cheesecake: https://www.justsaycheesecakecafe.com/ 

My friends Jim and Dan own this Bakery/Cafe and I treated myself yesterday to a salad, scone and coffee near the the brick wall full of clocks as I watched the snow outside. This little gem is located in North Tonawanda, NY near Buffalo. The Cafe was bustling for sure with everyone trying to get in before they closed at 3pm. The Portobella salad is delicious! And you must taste their chocolate bombs!  Decadent!

 

 

* Bridgerton Series on NetFlix! Steamy, hot and oh so scandalous! Rege- Jean Page! Started this series snuggled under a blanket on my girlfriends couch on a snowy February night with my favorite bottle of red wine and I am so obsessed! And for all those kissing scenes - guess what they use?  https://www.glamour.com/story/bridgerton-lip-balm-makeout-ready

Definitely ordering that ! Who knows, perhaps I will be kissing my new Rege-Jean Page soon! 

I am sending you all so much love and fun this weekend!

Kimberley

 

 

 

Celebrate Everything You Have Done For You this Weekend! Love Yourself

 I was listening to one of my favorite Motivational authors/speakers , Lisa Nichols this morning and she was talking about the first love relationship is one that you have with yourself. Funny, how we are never taught that as we grow up and out into the world. It's always about finding love from some external source, our parents, our friends, boyfriends, husbands, wives. As I listened, Lisa said, this weekend, sit down and write all those things that you have done in your life that should be celebrated. I started to write and there are several things that I am most proud of, graduating college which I paid for all by myself, creating a successsful Airbnb business, having wonderful family and friends in my life, I wrote a novel which has recently been published and will come out in hardcover soon. In addition, I started to partner with a new boutique to sell my cookies.

 Here is a picture of Karla at ROVE Jewelry , Gift boutique in Williamsville, NY holding a basket of my cookies near this awesome Valentine tree that I love. 

Share and Celebrate those things you are so proud of in your life. 

Kimberley

A Valentines Day Celebration this weekend in Williamsville NY -ROVE Boutique

 

I couldn't resist the urge to take a picture of this Christmas/Valentines Day tree at this adorable little shop in my hometown. I stumbled upon this shop during Christmas time this year and I am totally hooked! The name of the shop is ROVE and the owner and staff are the nicest people! The clothes are unique and they also have scarfs, gloves , purses , jewelry and home accessories/specialty items.

I happened to walk in the shop two weekends ago and saw the tree all decorated for Valentines Day with these adorable heart ornaments! I love it!  Doesn't it feel so much like a winter holiday full of love? I asked the owner where she got the ornaments as I so wanted them! She couldn't remember - bummer.

If you have a chance this weekend, stop in to the store - they are having their Valentines Day weekend celebration, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. And.. I will be supplying them with my infamous chocolate chip cookies for their guests! 

The shop is located on Main Street in Williamsville, NY across the street from the Irishman and Brite Smith brewery. Please stop in and see Jackie and her team of women who are so nice ! I get compliments on my purse, gloves (I bought three different pairs this year) that I bought from here all the time! 

Happy Valentines Day weekend!

Kimberley

The Thanksgiving Meal - A Gift to My Family

 

This is one of my favorite Holidays of the year. Why? Because it's a time when we pause to give Gratitude it's rightful place. Yes, we all need to have Gratitude as part of our daily prayers and thoughts, but setting aside one day out of our busy lives to reflect  is so needed right now.

This Holiday, to me also starts the season of giving and what better way to do that than with food. This tradition in my family has always started on Wednesday day/night , as my Mom and my Grandmother would get together to make the pies and the stuffing. There are times when other family members would join, but the steadfast people were always my Mom and Grandmother. This is a tradition that continues today, I still try to keep it alive as I think it bonds the women in our family. And true to tradition, friends and family stop in to join us for a drink or to snack on the stuffing - it is so addicting! Last night, we had a new little guy join in on the stuffing fun! My nieces' little four month old baby, named Parker. It brought so much joy to my soul seeing him smile and knowing that even though my Mom isn't with us physically, she was smiling, happy, that her family was still together, still holding the traditions she handed down to us- welcoming this adorable little guy.

 Thursday morning brings sleepy eyes and tired bodies but the turkey needs to be prepped and side dishes need to be prepared. The Macy's Day Parade is always a staple in the background and a nice respite for a few minutes while the food is being prepared.

As I sip on my coffee and go through the house cleaning  up and starting the prep work, I think about the work that goes into this meal and how I am so grateful to be able to Host it each year. This year, I have worked a tremendous amount of hours at my day job, my body hurts from sitting way too much  and I yearn to have one day of rest but this is not that day. This is the day, I spend in the room I love - my kitchen,  and prepare fresh food for my family to enjoy.  

You see, this is my gift to my family. I love to see them laugh and enjoy themselves, have some cocktails and just be happy. Life is so full of ups and downs , especially this year. This year , this gift to my family is extra special because it makes us so thankful for even the smallest things, like the dairy-free brownies that I tried to make for my niece last night and they cooked a little too fast. 

I truly am so grateful that I get the honor of preparing this meal for them. 

Sending so much love to my sister Terry, my sister-in-law, Melissa, my brother Brett, my father and his wife Kathy, my step brother Sean , my nephew's Brendon and Brian and their wives Britney and Megan and all their little kiddos. I wish you were here with us today. A shout out to little Beck, as this is your first Thanksgiving little guy!

With love and Gratitude,

Kim

 

 

 

Let this be our Prayer today

 Let this be our Prayer today...

God, unite our country once again as we did that horrible day in our nation's history, 19 years ago today.

As we all stood watching , all of us, no matter what we look like - we stood and watched. 

We all know where we were, where our loved ones were. 

We all , all of us stood watching , not just that morning, but throughout the day as men and women , policemen, firemen, clergy,  the average person wanting to help- fought the flames to save their fellow man.  We didn't care about politics, race, it didn't matter - we came together to help each other.

Let it be our prayer today that we unite once again. That we come together as a nation. 

Heal our nation today God. Grant us peace. Let us spread your Grace, your Love to all our brothers and sisters. 

Let it be our Prayer today that unity and love once again prevail over our sweet Land of Liberty.

Let this  Be Our Prayer.

 I keep thinking about this song as I think about our world , our Nation. So much divisiveness , so much anger, so much fear.  And I feel all  I can do is Pray. Pray for our country, pray for leadership that will heal, will create peace and will change the energy that is so pervasive today.

I do not choose to engage in the conversations. I do not choose to engage in the fear, the violence, the judgement of each other. I choose instead to focus myself on love. Loving each other, praying that we all just take a step back and remember , at the end of the day, we are all human, with our own journeys, our own stories.

So, what can we all do during this time? Spread the words, the conversations of love, of hope , of Light.

I send this out to the world in hopes that it speaks to someone to give comfort, to give them hope and love. When all else fails , we all still have Prayer, no matter what our beliefs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QctoD57aYqw

Just Show Up for Your Friends and Family

Today's blog post speaks deep into my heart. A very dear and close friend has died. I am somewhat speechless yet feel compelled to write this. Perhaps in dedication to him, to his family, to all of us on this planet who hold friends and family deep in our hearts.

This friend , who name was David. No last name needs to be mentioned. He was a kind man who was very successful in life. Yes, in terms of wealth, but perhaps more importantly in terms of his success in raising wonderful children and being a loyal and dedicated friend, a kind heart that would lend a helping hand whenever his friends needed him.

When I got the call on Sunday morning, I felt I couldn't even respond. It was disbelief. It was once again, that ugly, dark , overpowering sense of grief that came flooding back. The one that I have been battling for all of 2019 and into 2020 for loss of my cats of 14 years. And , I am sure the grief over my Mother, who despite the fact died in 2015, I am certain, I still pine for that one more time that I can hear her voice.

I wasn't going to go to the Annual Superbowl party that one of our friends was holding with this very large and amazing circle of friends that this person was a part of. I had much to do at home and wanted to focus on writing .  That call immediately changed my mind and my spirit. This was one of David's favorite parties of the year and oftentimes we would sit together and chat about dating, finances, his healing over his wife who died from cancer. And I knew I had to be with my friends to share in the mourning of our dear friend. You see the funeral home isn't where we would celebrate David, it's the parties and the gatherings we all have that he loved so much and brings us all together.
David was a big fan of friends and family gatherings as am I.

I talked to a few of our friends in the morning, we were all sharing our grief and were looking forward to seeing each other at the game party.  The last call I took before going to the party was one of our friends who is mourning deeply and was having a hard time pulling herself together to make it to the party.  We talked for about 20 minutes and I told her, focus, get your clothes on and get to the party - we all need to be together.

And we both Showed Up. For David. For our friends. For the love we have for one another.

All of us chatted with one another in little circles throughout the house, about David, our memories, our disbelief.

And then before the game started, our Host and friend , Gina, turned the TV down, and said a few words about David and asked for a moment of silence. I asked to say a prayer for David and for all of us asking that his Spirit be with us tonight and always as we continue to gather as friends throughout the coming year and years to come.

I am so blessed to have this large group of friends who loves no matter what. We honored our friend last night, we Showed Up.

Christmas 2019 from Hospice Care to Toddler Care

Christmas Tree 2019 

  

This Christmas has been an interesting one.

 I found myself being a Hospice nurse to my sweet, beautiful cat Bella until the day she passed away on December 13th and then a new mom, to the cutest little baby boy, who I named Nicholas for St. Nick , a week afterwards.

 I had thought this year would be filled with days of cookie baking, my best year decorating yet and wrapping all the gifts with pretty ribbons and bows, handmade with each family member and friend in mind .

It didn't quite go as I had planned and I really did try to plan this year out a little better than years past.

I had taken the first week of December off to get the house decorated and send out my Christmas cards so that , for once, I could be ahead of the game and perhaps be that "Martha , want-to-be" that I had always dreamed of.

Instead, I spent that week, administering homeopathic remedies all throughout the day, and sitting in the living room with Bella reading a book just so I could be near her. I spent most nights on the couch because she didn't want to make it upstairs. And one night I slept on the floor because she wanted to sleep in the center of the couch.

I couldn't think too much about Christmas. Hoping and praying for healing and more time with my beloved Bella was all I cared about.

The days until Christmas were counting down despite my nursing duties with my cat. At least I had gotten the tree , fresh from a friends farm the weekend after Thanksgiving and the lights were on with some decorations.

As I sat with Bella and watched her go from chair to chair in the living room, restless sleep, trying to get comfortable, I wondered if anything I was doing was helping her. The fluid in her tummy would build up, I would get it drained, my amazing boyfriend  and niece would come over and help give her sub q fluids to hydrate her and the cycle would begin all over again. The first few times she seemed to get better .


The last round of fluid draining and sub q fluids, she didn't quite bounce back.  My heart was aching as each day passed, we lost her brother such a short time ago. We only had a few brief months together, when Bailey passed away. Finally, my attention was all on her, we could play and snuggle without me always having to attend to Bailey.  I loved those few months - she just loved to play and lay with me on the couch. She christened the new living room furniture with her scent and posed for pictures like the perfect Halloween cat.     

Bella

The decision to euthanize an animal is never an easy one. When is it time? Who are we to make this decision for them? Is there anything else that will work? Your heart cried out inside knowing that the end is near . All I could do was give her homeopathic pain remedies.

I wanted Bella to die at home with me. Peacefully, surrounded by all that was familiar. Bailey had to go to the vet in his final hour, as he had been slipping away all through the night. I knew at 3am when I awoke from a sound sleep on the couch next to Bailey, that he was dying. I am convinced my mother woke me up to tend to him in his final hours.  I lit a candle and put on some peaceful, meditative music and talked to Bailey telling him how much I loved him and how grateful I was for all that he had taught me. Somehow, my heart and soul surrendered to a peaceful state, so I could be that way for him. I talked with him for four hours until the vet office opened. I wrapped him in his favorite blanket and we took our last ride to the vet.

Bailey

Bailey was stronger than Bella, and I knew she needed something different. She would be frightened at the vets, I didn't want that for her or me.

So, I called Paws in Your Heart and talked with Dr. Dunne. She has the most calming, comforting voice. We scheduled the euthanasia for 6:30pm so my boyfriend and niece could be there with me to say goodbye . We all helped care for Bella in her dying days.

Bella rested all day in my bedroom not really wanting to be around anyone. She came downstairs twice to eat some ham from the deli, which she loved and then went right back upstairs to rest. I laid down with her as many times as I could trying not to cry. Hoping I was making the right decision.

And so 6:30pm came.  Dr. Dunne quietly sat near the sparkling Christmas tree while I held Bella. The tree sparkled with it's white lights and Bella passed in my arms. I still don't know if it was the right time. I still cry for both Bailey and Bella. We were together for 14 years. Dr. Dunne wrapped Bella in her favorite blanket and put her in a basket. She looked so peaceful. Goodbye my sweet little girl. I tried everything I knew how.  I kissed her one last time as Dr. Dunne carried Bella away.

The grief that followed that day was so heavy and so lonely. I haven't been without a cat in my house since I was 30 years old. The physical energy presence of Bailey and Bella no longer around was deafening.  It was unbearable.

I got up , went to work and thankfully Christmas called my attention , knowing there were more gifts to buy, a holiday meal to plan for and an Airbnb guest to arrive. The house decorations needed to be completed. So despite my grief , I carried on.  I went to get my salad at my usual place, Soup Herb in Williamsville and the new Healthy Pet Store sponsored by the SPCA is right next door.  I desperately wanted to see if there were any cats there, so at least I could pet them and feel once again, connected to an animal.  The intellectual side of me told me to stay away, but my heart and soul called me to the store.

And there was "Hal", a tiny black kitten so adorable and friendly! He came up and said hello and was talking and sticking his paws out to greet me. The store employees all loved him. I stayed for awhile  and needed to get back to work.


The next day I went back.

I needed to . I needed the connection.

It was helping me not feel so sad.

And "Hal" was still there.

And on December 19th, "Hal" came home with me.  I called my niece , Lisa and asked her if she would go get him with me. She was so sweet, agreeing to do this despite her suggestion to wait awhile to let myself have some time and space from being a pet owner.

Nicholas

"Hal" bounced all over my bed that night. Not able to sleep as he had been in a cage most the day.

So, neither of us slept.

My bedroom became "Hal's" safe place with toys, a litter box and yummy food and treats.

We started to play together each day and his little squeaky voice was so adorable .

I  went through a few names with my niece and within a few days, "Hal" became Nicholas.  So fitting at Christmas time. He was my Christmas gift to heal my grieving heart.

Nicholas has now graduated from my bedroom to my office, to the living room and he finally discovered the Christmas tree! He hasn't climbed it, but he has knocked an ornament off and wants to play with the lights.

He is a growing little boy who wants to eat all the time. His little face and cuteness grabbed the heart of my Airbnb guest and friend, Rob the day after Christmas when the two of them were sound asleep in the chair near the fireplace. Nicholas nestled in Rob's arms for two hours.

He sits beside me now as I write this piece . He has heard and felt my tears of grief over Bailey and Bella as I wrote this piece. He didn't quite know what to do.  He is my little companion, my little Christmas gift wrapped up in a furry little body of less than three pounds. His toys are in every room and he requires much of my attention to keep him out of harms way. 

Maybe it was too soon after Bella died, probably. But it's ok, because I do believe that there is a bigger spiritual picture to our lives. I do believe that both Bailey and Bella knew that Nicholas would come to their house after they had passed.

From Hospice nurse to caring for a toddler. Grief, sadness, hope and joy all mixed together.  Here is hoping we all find a little joy amidst the grief that life sometimes hands us.  I know I did and his name is Nicholas.

A Cat with Cancer, Hoping for my own "Mrs. Miracle" and a Miracle this Christmas

It's my favorite time of year , the time where we focus on giving to others, to adopting families, to buying gifts for our family friends, sharing food and decorating our Christmas trees, baking cookies. And endless Hallmark Holiday movies!

I love everything about this Holiday , this year however, I have a wrinkle in my Holiday preparation days.

Taking care of a cat with a cancer diagnosis. Some odd mass in the "mesentary", which is in the abdomen.

 How could this have happened? My little girl, Bella, so sweet, so full of love. She and I lost her brother in the Spring to some unknown brain issue after five months of  trips to the ER and many vet consults. Neither of us were fully over the grief of losing him and when I think of him , I still cry.

I can't imagine how she feels, especially being alone all day in the house while I am at work. But, we journey on together to face yet another challenge.

I had no idea what to do , how to handle this with a cat.

The internal medicine specialist said, "we have no idea how much time you have." No surgery will cure this. We have no treatment for this.  I walked away with tears streaming down my face , not again, I couldn't endure to lose her too. Not so close after her brother.

I waited to check out and  held her close, I immediately consulted the folks at Hampl, in Australia. An alternative vet who sells homeopathic remedies.  They are so incredibly kind and caring. They told me that they had a set of homeopathic remedies I could start trying to see if they will help her.

That was over a month ago now. She has been brave and strong, despite her weight loss, many trips to the local vet to get fluids in her belly drained. There have been 2am, 3am wake up calls to feed her and give her pain medication. There are days when I am not sure if I should - "make THE decision" and give up. There are days when I am so exhausted by it all both emotionally and physically. But the minute I see some hopeful sign - it keeps me going and hopeful that we will make it through this.

The folks at Hampl, in Australia are my angels from heaven, always there for me to help me with questions about their products and how to help her and I  along this journey.

It is a full time job taking care of her for sure. And I wonder how I will go back to work this week after being off for a week and focusing on her.

I pray for a "Mrs. Miracle" who will somehow come into our lives and help me so I can continue to work , pay for her care and buy some Christmas gifts for my family. 

Mrs. Miracle is a fictitious character in the Debbie Macomber Christmas books. She is an angel manifested in human form to help families believe that there is hope again in their lives and that miracles do happen every day.

Some may say this is a bunch of fairy tales and that miracles, angels and magic don't exist in the world. Well, I know what I believe.

I believe that Magic happens at Christmastime. That this is the time of year that a "giving" energy fills the hearts and spirits of people. This collective energy is felt throughout our planet.

So, my Christmas wish this year, is for a Mrs. Miracle to come into my life to help me care for Bella , help me keep my house cleaned up and ready for the Holidays and to bring both of us a Christmas miracle to help heal her so that we can enjoy a few more healthy years together. 

Bailey - My Lover, My Teacher, My Friend - Our Story

 

   
 
I just found this blog post that I started in 2017 and I never finished it and now it calls to me. Bailey calls to me to write about our journey together.  It was a 13 year journey of  pure love, of frustrations, of multiple vet visits, remote phone conferences with vets in the US and Australia and many, many days of  just connecting with each other, of being still and loving each other.

Bailey was a handsome boy, he loved and still loves me unconditionally. He greeted me at the door everyday. He snuggled me each morning as I wrote . His favorite spot at night was to sit on my lap while I watched Hallmark movies.



He is a cat who came to me at 10 months old. The first day I saw him, he was feisty and playful and I knew he was the one to come home and play with my other little guy - Ben.

Our journey together began a little rocky as we visited the Emergency Room at midnight on his very first day home . He was diagnosed with calicivirus, otherwise known as the cat flu. Who knew what that was? I had no idea! Yet, the traditional antibiotic treatment was prescribed and home we went.

He got a little better, and the follow up vet visit brought more pharmaceutical drugs to the treatment plan. I can recall it was a bit complex, I had to create a little cheat sheet to keep track of the dosages, frequency etc.  I nursed him even through a major , unusual ice/snow storm we had in Buffalo in October, and he got better and grew stronger.

He got back to his playful self , enough to aggravate my 11year old cat named Creep and my little guy named Ben , who I believe was about 4 at the time, I don't recall exactly but Ben was pretty young still.

Bailey always wanted to dominate my furry family even at a young age but my older two were having none of that!

Christmas came and he was delighted with new play toys of  glass ornaments, jumping in the Christmas tree box with his sister Bella who I adopted at the same time and chewing on the artificial tree branches. Once the tree was all decorated with it's white lights and gold ornaments, Bailey would sit under that tree for hours.

The winter snow fell ,  Jack Frost nipping at your nose and Bailey started chewing at his front right paw. In fact, one particular day, it looked like it had been burned .

Back to the vet we went and at first they were uncertain as to what it was. After our second visit for the same issue, he was diagnosed with eocinophilic granuloma complex. What is that? Eosinophilic granuloma complex is a term used to describe three forms of skin lesions in cats including eosinophilic plaque, eosinophilic granuloma, and indolent ulcers. Its an auto immune disorder, that manifests itself as a skin disease.

The vet said there is no cure for this, just steroid treatments. "For how long?" I asked?  For the rest of his life was the answer. I agreed to give him an initial dosing to help reduce the inflammation from this flare up but I didn't agree to a life time of steroid treatment. I would not do that to him. Just like humans , long term steroid treatment reduces the immune system and complications could arise from other health issues.

Bailey did get a bit better but this wasn't the end of our story for the eosinophilic granuloma diagnosis. We were referred to an allergist as this "complex" typically stems from allergies.
The appointment with the specialist was pretty quick, based on the fact that she wanted to knock him out to take some samples and then decide what drug treatment was best. She never asked about his food, what was happening in the home , does he go outside, what chemicals I use to clean around the house. None of those questions were asked just more drug treatment was recommended .

I looked at the doctor and said, "thankyou, please give me my cat back" and I declined any treatment.

I knew there had to be an alternative vet somewhere in Buffalo, or in the world and I was determined to find one to help my little boy. I had been a studen of alternative medicine for myself for severe PMS and it really helped and I knew this is the path we needed to walk to find healing.

Stay Tuned..for more of our story..