And So The Snow Finally Fell That Year

And so the snow finally fell that year. It hadn't come until January 11th. A late winter snowfall.

I remember looking out my living room window and watching the flakes as they passed by the streetlight. It was quiet outside. The earth was finally blanketed for a winter's rest and somehow my heart felt at peace. I looked across the street to the little blue house that my Mother wanted to buy so many years before that and wondered , would she still be alive if she had lived there. I would never know and my heart thought, at least this winter, she won't struggle through the cold as she had so many winters before.

I found myself talking to her and letting her know the first snow had fallen because you see, we always had shared that first snowfall together. Each year, we would call each other, look out the window and share in  the beauty and the quiet the snow had brought.

That year, I celebrated with her in my head and in my heart, calling her with my spirit as the tears fell down my face. "Mom, it's the first snowfall, look out your window, it's beautiful."

You see when my Mom looked out her window, she saw deer and a pond frozen over. When I looked out the window I saw houses and streetlights. Both of us still admiring the quiet view and the warmth of each other with the silence on the phone.

That year, would be the first of many snowfalls I would call my Mother through my spirit and my heart. As each year passed, my heart healed a little bit more, but my love for my Mother would never end.

Our family has grown over those snowfalls, more children added to the mix, challenges we have faced together because she was no longer here, Holiday Celebrations still remain a priority and birthdays are never forgotten. Her legacy has been carried on through her children and her grandchildren and I hope through generations and more snowfalls to come.

Thank you dear Mom for the Snowfall that Finally Came That Year. With All My Love, Kim

Turning Grief into a Dream Not Left Behind

And so as my family and I walk through the weeks following the death of our Mother, Grandmother, Wife, Great Grandmother, we all are processing this differently - yet we are keeping in contact with one another , supporting one another and loving each other through our grief.

Yesterday afternoon was rough for me, I did what I knew to overcome the dark sadness that lurked in my solar plexus in the morning. I went to the gym and pushed my body to the limit, so I could feel something, anything other than the pain of the grief. The gym has always been a way for me to process challenges in my life. I drove myself for two hours and was successful for a time until my girlfriends called me afterwards and I cried with them through the sadness . They reminded me that these times will come and go and that they will be there to help me move through them.

I told them I wanted to put the sadness behind me and find that inner motivation,drive that has always been inside me to accomplish things in my life. My girlfriend reminded me that it's there, maybe hidden, but it was something my Mom always supported in me. She was my number one cheerleader and always, always had faith in me that I could move the next mountain I decided to climb in my life. And yes, maybe she isn't here physically , but she is with me in the spirit realm of life, watching and guiding me.

And so, as I prepare for the days and weeks ahead in 2016, I know three things: I will publish my Mother's works as she asked me to , not two months ago , I will publish my own book and I will continue to write on my blog. My Mother loved reading my blog posts and in fact, I can recall one day , she called me and said " I just read one of your blog posts, congratulations, the batton has been passed to you my daughter, you are a beautiful writer." Oh my god, the tears strolled down my face, knowing what an amazing writer my Mother has been since I was a child! This was one of the biggest compliments she ever gave me.

Today, is a new day, I have only shed a few tears today and my inner motivation is coming back. I will turn my grief into making some of my Mother's and my dreams come true in 2016.

For all of you out there who has had parents, grandparents, spouses pass on, find the good that they gave to you! Honor them, keep their legacy alive by celebrating them!  Let the grief be a catalyst to something new, beautiful and amazing!

Love and Light,

Kimberley

The 31st Day of December, A Gift of Life

To most this symbolizes the last day of the year. To others in cultures different than ours, it can mean something totally different. It's all in the perception and how we look at things. I choose to look at today as a gift.

A gift of Life.

You see today is the day my parents gave birth to me.

And I am so happy and grateful that I am healthy and here on this planet to celebrate this day with my friends and my family.

The gift of Life.

How precious and sweet.

Cherish it.

Don't waste it on regrets and anger.

Be grateful for everything , even the bad times.

Find the good.

The gift of Life.

Call your Mother and thank her for this gift.

Unfortunately , I cannot physically call my Mom this year. But I can sure connect with her through prayer
and through the spirit world that operates around us.

Thank you Mom for the gift of my Life.

December 31st, a day for fun, a day for some to create new goals, hopes and dreams, a day for saying goodbye to the past year and all that it brought us - what does December 31st mean to me?

A Day of Love, the day my parents gave Me Love and brought me into this world to realize all my dreams, make a difference in the world in which I came, and to give LOVE to this world.

Happy New Year, Happy Dreams, Happy Life!

Kimberley

LOVE, The Way to Heal from Grief

It's been a few weeks since my Mother died. My heart still feels frozen, yet, there are times I can feel it thaw out just a bit. I am glad to have those moments and in my mind, I know that eventually I won't feel so much like someone threw a ton of bricks at me. I find it hard to get motivated to do the smallest things and I am grateful that life somehow forces us to move on.

There is good that has come of her passing and I choose to focus my heart and mind on those things. How can good come from someone's death you ask? Well, she doesn't have to deal with endless doctors appointments anymore, she doesn't have to be afraid that she can't breathe, she doesn't have to fear the four stairs in my back hallway and her husband can finally get the rest he so deserves.  I am grateful that she didn't end up in a nursing home where her spirit would have died long before her body would have.

My Mother gave us a great legacy to carry on. She was a wonderful Mother and taught us so much about unconditional love, about the value of family and so much more. My Mother touched the lives of many people and was an amazing artist, writer, cook, seamstress, and self made interior designer. She never stopped learning and teaching herself new things. I know where I get it from now!

Her strength to endure life's challenges was admirable. She overcame breast cancer, healed through two divorces and she pulled through nearly dying three years ago when she was admitted to the hospital five times after her second hip replacement. How did she do it? What drove her to overcome all of these circumstances? The answer: LOVE.

The LOVE she had for her family was what drove my Mother to live. She was determined to be there for her children and see her grandchildren grow up . And she did that! Her heart was as big as this planet Earth! She had a heart that loved so many. The evidence seen by all the wonderful people who attended her wake and shared their heartfelt memories of her.

And so , as I struggle to overcome the frozen feelings inside, I think about the amazing POWER of  LOVE.
The LOVE of my friends who have surrounded me since the day my Mother died. The LOVE of my family who came and filled my house with laughter and joy during those days after her death.  The LOVE of a new male friend who has supported me through this and makes me laugh everyday! The LOVE of text messages that come unexpectedly to see how I am. The LOVE of clients and employers that lent their understanding and support.

As I ponder this amazingly strong force of life called LOVE, I feel that this will be the force that will help me regain my spirit and allow me to once again LIVE  a life I  LOVE.

When we use LOVE, we are using the greatest Power in the Universe. And this is what I must be mindful of and focus on. I must use this amazing power to set me free and feel LIFE once again.

And how will I do this? I will DO what I LOVE each day. I will focus my thoughts on LOVE. I will BE all that I LOVE to be. I will HAVE those people and things in my life that I LOVE.

And I will LOVE my Mother with all my heart.

May all of you who have experienced the death of a parent, find a way to heal yourselves through the POWER OF LOVE.

Kimberley

Words from my Mother

The first words on a page since my Mother's death. I fear that in this writing, I will cry tears that will never stop. I have been taken ill several days after her funeral. During these days I have forced myself to sit and watch Hallmark Christmas movies, because it is in those movies that I find solace. You see Christmas is my favorite time of year, as it was my Mothers. She was the one who gave me the love of the season and the gift of believing that Christmas was truly a magical time of year. These movies have happy endings and teach us that belief is not something to be proven.

I have nursed my body and tried to quiet my mind so that sleep will come to me. You see each time I let my mind relax, it goes to thoughts of my Mother, and in turn, I cry. Over the course of the last year of my life as I have begun to follow my heart and  my dreams, I have learned to trust in meditation. I particularly like spirit guided meditation.  I have been guided by what has come out of those meditations and they have been there to help calm the waters when life feels way too stormy. In that meditation realm, I feel more connected to God and the Universe than ever before and I have been able to connect with some people who have meant the world to me, who have died over the last few months. This has greatly helped me to heal from the grief I felt over their passing. Yet, this time it was my Mother and I refused to meditate for fear , she would appear and my tears would not stop.

On occasion over the last few days, I have let my body finally come to a deep sleep and my mind has slipped into the realm between sleep and being awake and dreams have begun to come. Realizing this, somehow I have mentally willed them to stop and I wake myself up.  Why? Because I know that I will meet My Mother there, and it will be far to real.

Yes, I am still in a state of shock and denial but as I watch these movies each day, I know she is here with me, whispering to me - "honey, get your Christmas tree up!" , "decorate your house" - it's Christmas! "Don't cry sweetie" , " come on, you need to carry on my legacy, as I know you will", "sweetie don't cry" - " call your friends, they will help you decorate the house" , " I see my Christmas stamp came that we ordered to make the Christmas cards - keep it, make some Christmas thank you cards for people"  " Don't cry baby girl, everything will be ok, " " You are amazing writer and you will publish with my help, and I know you will publish my work, as I asked you to" " Keep an eye on Ken and take care of you - I see you have once again, worked yourself into the ground, by doing too much and my death was the icing on the cake for you."
"Sweetie, don't cry baby girl, I know you are having a hard time with this, but I promise I love you forever and you will carry on so many things we started together " " Don't put anything else in front of your writing and your creative spirit anymore, publish, make cookies, make cards, love with all your heart, fulfill your dreams, whatever they are- you have always climbed those mountains and you will climb this one too!" Yes, I know it's hard and I know your struggling - but hug Noah every time you need to - I see him on your chair in your office." "And thank you for that gift that kept me hopeful in my darkest days in that hospital bed some three years ago." Mom, don't go.." don't go... "Honey.. get up, take a shower, call your friends to help you decorate a tree this week and go try to work just a little bit today and then go get your nails and feet done "

And so, for the first time as I try to write after my Mothers death, she helps me write the words on the page and she decides to talk with me. No, I didn't bother to edit this.. why? It comes straight from the heart..

Operating from our Authentic Selves

What does that mean? What does it mean to operate from our authentic selves versus the ego?

Well, I really didn't understand this either. I listened to Dr. Wayne Dyer explain this to me over and over again until I got it. I don't think I could have truly understood it until now.

Why did I want to get it? What did it matter to me? It mattered to me because at this point in my life, I no longer want to operate from the swirling dervish of  "getting more money," "work harder," "achieve more." I want to be truly happy on the inside. I want to know that the choices I make for everything in my life , are choices that will make me happy , not cause me anxiety or worry or fear or sadness and I want to know that when I leave this planet, I would have made a difference in someones life.

So, how do we do this exactly?

Dr. Dyer explains in his movie, The Shift, "that every time we make choices out of ego -all kinds of things happen to us that takes us away from finding meaning in our life."

How do you know when you are making choices from your authentic self versus your ego?

"You gauge everything on the way you feel.. are you stressed out, anxious, angry, fearful, do you feel like you are on purpose? do you feel good?" "When you are operating on the part of yourself that is authentic, bliss is your response."

Dr. Dyer proposes that when we live out of our Dharma, there is purpose and meaning to our lives. Dharma is a spiritual principle that says there is a purpose to our lives that we live by, like an inner calling.

How do we find that Dharma?

You don't really find it, its something you have been connected to your whole life, but many of us don't bother to be still and listen to it. We strive to live by the constructs of what we have been raised to be, do or have by our parents, society, our peers.

Why is it that some people know this early on in their lives and others of us come to this realization later in our life? I don't know. I am just grateful that the realization has come before my time on this planet is over.

I say to each of you, out there reading this blog - listen to your inner self, your intuition, your own Dharma- what is it telling you with each decision you make in your life?

Perhaps we are the ones to teach the next generation that this is truly a happier way of living their lives and they won't have to learn it in the "afternoon of their lives" as we have.

Love and Light,

Kimberley

There is Magic in the Air at Christmas time

This is my favorite time of year when we decorate our houses, the Christmas trees go up and everyone feels just a bit different than at other time of the year.

I used to think that the Santa Claus story and the story of Christ's birth were two separate and distinct thoughts about Christmas. People often times frown upon the concept of Santa Claus and gift giving, presents under the tree and belief in a mythological figure.

But why could they not be two stories that exemplify love? Santa loves all of us - not only little boys and girls but adults too! He knows the hearts and spirits of all of us (so the myth goes).

And so does the Holy Spirit, the baby Jesus, God, the Universe. It is only about love, just like Santa Claus.

Christmas brings magic into the air. The magic of love of giving and of sharing. We all feel it. Even those of us who don't share a Christianity belief, feel the difference in the air.

You don't have to put up a tree or decorate your house, all you need to do is drive through a street with lighted homes, be in the mall with Santa ringing his bells, turn on the radio and listen to Christmas music or sit and watch heart warming stories on the Hallmark Channel to feel the magic in the air!

Let yourself enjoy this time of year. It doesn't have to be an insane hustle and bustle, just give yourself permission to calmly enjoy the giving and loving spirit that ignites itself during these four weeks.

Love, Light, Ho Ho Ho ,

Kimberley