A Gift from My Mother

Yesterday, My Mom's husband, my niece and I had dinner together. I love Sunday, Family dinners - they give me such a warm feeling of tradition and togetherness. A time to catch up , a time to just "be" with each other.

We had a lot of laughs! In fact, another patron in the restaurant actually came over to us and told us that we ruined her dinner because we were laughing so loud! How random right? And I felt sorry for her, if she couldn't share in the joy of laughter!

And we cried too.. for the person who wasn't seated there with us. But her spirit was for sure! Every so often in the conversation we would talk about her and I could tell her husband was having a tough day. You see, my Mother asked me to publish her writings not two months before she died. I asked her husband to gather as much of her work as he could find so I could start to get my head together on how to do that.

My Mother , like me, had a file folder of individual pieces of paper where she jotted her thoughts down and she wrote things on her computer. Her husband went through many of those writings yesterday morning and cried in his green house.

As we said our goodbyes and he handed me my Mother's laptop and the folder that contained her writings, I watched him walkaway. He walked alone - without my Mom. Without the wheelchair, without the oxygen tank, without helping her into the truck. And my heart felt so sad.

You see, I am used to living alone without a partner - I have been doing it a long time. Do I like it? Most days I am ok with it, but I would love to have someone to share my life with. Am I used to it? Yes.. But my Mom's husband is not used to being alone and my heart went out to him.

On the drive home, my niece and I talked of various daily life things. I didn't want to focus on my Mom too much as I feel in some ways, we all need to start moving on as best we can.

I settled in for the night to watch my favorite show on the Hallmark Channel and I reached down to the file folder that contained my Mothers writings. And just as I had praised her work as a young girl when I first read them at the age of 12, I admired them now as a mature woman.

Did I cry? Yes.. Was my heart filled with warmth? Yes! There were writings addressed to my brother Scott, to myself, thoughts of her marriages and her sad heart when they ended, thoughts of Mother Earth - which I will definitely share with the world! And the beginnings of her children's book about a WoodChuck!

And as I read through them, I was reminded of something my Mother had said to me when I first started this blog. She said " the torch has been passed - you are officially a writer and a better one that I"

Well, if you were to read the beautiful musings of my Mother - I don't know that one could say I am the better writer.

 For the longest time, I never felt that I inherited any of my Mother's craftiness. She was such an artist in every way - she taught herself to sew, to knit, she made greeting cards , she was a great cook, she was a wonderful entertainer, she even taught herself how to use new technology. However, what I do know for sure - is that she gave me her Gift.

Her writings sit in the folder with her laptop, near the couch. I am not quite ready to dig in to create the publishing project of her work and mine - but I am getting close to it.

Thank you Mom for this Gift. I miss you every day - it's hard and I cry a lot but I am also trying to move on.

With Love and so much Gratitude in my heart,

Kimberley

Starting Over Again, My Journey Back to the Gym

Well, it's been almost six months since I last wrote a blog. Why? Because I have spent the last seven months of my life focusing on healing my body from so many things, it seemed like it was one thing after another!

I am happy to say that I have started working with my trainer again after almost a year. It's a slow go for sure! It's only been three days with him and I could barely make it through the third workout. In fact, I sat in the parking lot at the food Coop and just started to cry. Everything hurt! My back, my thighs, my hamstrings.

Good lord, I remember the day when yes, I would have been sore but it wouldn't have felt like this!

Jeff has been with me through a lot of life changes and he stays by my side keeping me going and my eyes on my fitness goals.

So, what happened? Well, I shared some of the story with you in the blogs in February (probably more detail than you would ever want to know!) But the story unfolded as the months went on.

It seemed as I addressed each issue, yet another one would come up. Was I ever going to regain my energy and be the person I once was?

A diagnosis of atypical ductal hyperplasia turned into lymphatic congestion, hormone imbalances, adrenal fatigue, iodine levels being extremely low, a thyroid nodule being found. I just wanted my energy back so I could do the things I loved to do and working out with my trainer was at the top of that list!

How did I deal with all of those things? I did my research, I contacted alternative health care practitioners that I knew would help guide me and I changed my life! I left my stressful corporate job, I started eating foods to support me and I stopped eating foods that weren't doing that. Coffee being one of them! Yikes- my favorite thing on the planet! It's right up there with alcoholic beverages, sex and shopping!

Was it hard? Yes! Were there days I sat and cried out of frustration and discouragement? Yes! Did I give up? NO!  My health and fitness will always be my number one priority!

Now, I am in a great place of recovery. I am feeling content and happy to be where I am. I have learned a whole lot and I have started sharing my knowledge so that others can learn from my experiences.

And, I am reunited with Jeff and deadlifts and squats!! It will take time, but I am better than I was before! A much healthier version of me!

With Gratitude,

Kimberley

What Do I Know?

My dear readers... it's been a long time and a lot has happened in the last few months... this is the first time I have been compelled to write in some time.. I truly hope it jump starts my writing...





1.)  I know that following your true calling isn't always the smooth road that you thought.  It has come with
  a LOT of emotional and physical healing. After you push your body and mind to the brink, when you secretly say in your head as your walking out of the grocery store, "one more step Kim, one more step, you can do this, you can keep going.. one more step."  These are the words I said to myself during my last days in my corporate job. I was exhausted and running on borrowed adrenaline.  I pushed myself to complete projects I started, I committed to setting my team up for success, I wrestled with the sadness of leaving people I loved dearly and a job I knew I was really good at.


2.)  I know that going after your dream is a bit like  running a marathon, you start out of the gate ready to go and pumped up and then, the wall hits. Your body says, "I'm tired,- I have kept you going all this time, now I need to tell you what's going on inside" "Please listen."   And then you listen and then,,,you feel the effects of leading that life of intense responsibility, trying to be the best of everything you thought you should be - the best daughter, the best employee, the best boss, the best sister, the best friend, being as fit and thin as you can be...And then your "biography becomes your biology" says Carolynn Myss. And the body breaks down and shouts at you to pay attention.

3.)  I know that like a marathon runner, it's all a mental game. And I refuse to give in and give up. I will succeed at following my dreams, whatever road they take me. Despite the fact that my body right now needs rest, the best nutrition I can give it, help from trusted alternative practitioners and friends, - I will make it through this transition to the life I was called to answer.

4.) I know that in the quietness of my time at home, I have begun to hear my inner voice a bit louder than before. I hear her, my friend who feels like she has been drowned out by the noise of life.  What does she say? Well, she was a bit lost and confused , her corporate life calling her back, pining for the familiar.

5.)  I know that when we access our spiritual connection to God, the Universe, whatever you call the Higher Power that operates in our world, we feel much better and somehow everything comes together.

Much Love and Light,

Kimberley