Bailey - My Lover, My Teacher, My Friend - Our Story

 

   
 
I just found this blog post that I started in 2017 and I never finished it and now it calls to me. Bailey calls to me to write about our journey together.  It was a 13 year journey of  pure love, of frustrations, of multiple vet visits, remote phone conferences with vets in the US and Australia and many, many days of  just connecting with each other, of being still and loving each other.

Bailey was a handsome boy, he loved and still loves me unconditionally. He greeted me at the door everyday. He snuggled me each morning as I wrote . His favorite spot at night was to sit on my lap while I watched Hallmark movies.



He is a cat who came to me at 10 months old. The first day I saw him, he was feisty and playful and I knew he was the one to come home and play with my other little guy - Ben.

Our journey together began a little rocky as we visited the Emergency Room at midnight on his very first day home . He was diagnosed with calicivirus, otherwise known as the cat flu. Who knew what that was? I had no idea! Yet, the traditional antibiotic treatment was prescribed and home we went.

He got a little better, and the follow up vet visit brought more pharmaceutical drugs to the treatment plan. I can recall it was a bit complex, I had to create a little cheat sheet to keep track of the dosages, frequency etc.  I nursed him even through a major , unusual ice/snow storm we had in Buffalo in October, and he got better and grew stronger.

He got back to his playful self , enough to aggravate my 11year old cat named Creep and my little guy named Ben , who I believe was about 4 at the time, I don't recall exactly but Ben was pretty young still.

Bailey always wanted to dominate my furry family even at a young age but my older two were having none of that!

Christmas came and he was delighted with new play toys of  glass ornaments, jumping in the Christmas tree box with his sister Bella who I adopted at the same time and chewing on the artificial tree branches. Once the tree was all decorated with it's white lights and gold ornaments, Bailey would sit under that tree for hours.

The winter snow fell ,  Jack Frost nipping at your nose and Bailey started chewing at his front right paw. In fact, one particular day, it looked like it had been burned .

Back to the vet we went and at first they were uncertain as to what it was. After our second visit for the same issue, he was diagnosed with eocinophilic granuloma complex. What is that? Eosinophilic granuloma complex is a term used to describe three forms of skin lesions in cats including eosinophilic plaque, eosinophilic granuloma, and indolent ulcers. Its an auto immune disorder, that manifests itself as a skin disease.

The vet said there is no cure for this, just steroid treatments. "For how long?" I asked?  For the rest of his life was the answer. I agreed to give him an initial dosing to help reduce the inflammation from this flare up but I didn't agree to a life time of steroid treatment. I would not do that to him. Just like humans , long term steroid treatment reduces the immune system and complications could arise from other health issues.

Bailey did get a bit better but this wasn't the end of our story for the eosinophilic granuloma diagnosis. We were referred to an allergist as this "complex" typically stems from allergies.
The appointment with the specialist was pretty quick, based on the fact that she wanted to knock him out to take some samples and then decide what drug treatment was best. She never asked about his food, what was happening in the home , does he go outside, what chemicals I use to clean around the house. None of those questions were asked just more drug treatment was recommended .

I looked at the doctor and said, "thankyou, please give me my cat back" and I declined any treatment.

I knew there had to be an alternative vet somewhere in Buffalo, or in the world and I was determined to find one to help my little boy. I had been a studen of alternative medicine for myself for severe PMS and it really helped and I knew this is the path we needed to walk to find healing.

Stay Tuned..for more of our story..

There is No Tomorrow

It's Monday morning and I am proud to say that I am starting my second week of 5:45 am workouts!

No, it isn't easy . It's dark outside and the weather isn't friendly.

But, I am using my pent up energy and emotions to drive myself to do something positive.

When I feel this way, workouts always fuel me back to center.

I am determined to get my fitness life back on track and heal a wounded heart.

So many of my life's dreams have been on hold for one reason or another.

But no more.

The rocky movies always have inspired me and I continue to use them as fuel even today.

One of the scenes with Apollo Creed has Rocky tiring and not giving his all.

Apollo asks him "what's the matter with you?" , and Rocky replies "tomorrow".

Apollo yells at him and says "There is No Tomorrow!?"

Well, I can so relate to Rocky . We all feel like giving up sometimes.

We have procrastinated our dreams because we are afraid.

We come up with all kinds of excuses why things are the way they are.

We allow our lives to get in the way.

We grieve over the loss of those we have held so dear and those who have walked out of our lives for reasons unknown.

We stay stuck in the same ruts we have created for years.

But, the great thing is we have choices and we must stand up for ourselves , pull up our bootstraps and say to ourselves "There is No Tomorrow" - we must fulfill our dreams and our hearts desires, despite what life throws us.

Here is to a great Monday Morning and Going After your Dreams!

Kimberley

Believe in Yourself, Listen to Your Own Truth

 




These words came to mind this morning as I sat quietly preparing for my day.

I have had a few sleepless nights and very early 5:45 am work outs.

My body is tired and my heart is trying to heal..

Yet, I listen to that still small voice inside of me that says..

Believe in Yourself, Listen to Your Own Truth, ..not anyone elses..

So many times in life we are presented bumps in the road that come unexpectedly..

We doubt, we question, we get angry and we hurt..

The tears come... for so many reasons..

Disappointment , loss, dreams not yet realized..

The tears dry at least for a little while ..

And once again, we are reminded..

Believe in Yourself, Listen to Your Own Truth

Is it easy? Sometimes not.

But we must find peace.. through all of life's challenges..

And

Believe in Oneself and Listen to Our Own Truths

A letter to my Mother on Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. Over the last few weeks, as I strolled through boutiques during my trip to Virginia, I stumbled upon Mothers day gifts and cards. I let my hand touch them, feel them, stopping  for only a few  seconds to think of you. I didn't dwell long as I knew the tears would come, like they are now. 

During this trip, I looked out my brothers kitchen window each morning and saw the many cardinals that flew in to feast on the bird seed my sister-in-law put out for them. And I thought of you.

Emily Dickenson note cards spoke to me in a gift shop that sent me a message about writing, that I must write and keep writing and I knew you were there telling me to start writing again.

I sat next to your first Grand Daughter on the plane to Virginia, on walks through beautiful gardens and historical sites and I thought of you.

I watched this same young woman try on wedding dresses a few weeks ago and I was there when she picked the "one." And I thought of you.

This past week our family lost our fourth Grandmother in two years, since you have died. And I watched my nieces cry more tears, tears that would never seem to stop. Their sad, beautiful faces feeling another loss , of another matriarch  they grew up with. The memories of losing you too, being far to close in our hearts that the grief is not gone and the healing not fully complete.

As I sat in funeral home next to your Grandson hold his son and trying to keep him from fidgeting, I couldn't help but think of how proud you would be of your family. They have all grown up to be such amazing people.

No, we are not movie stars or famous surgeons, But loving, ordinary people , that help one another.

Your Son got up and said the opening words at his Mother-in-Law's wake. He stumbled and cried through a lot of it, but he got through it. Brave, strong and with a big heart - as he has so many things in his life.

Your Grand Daughter Shelby, got up and also said some moving words, she did a great job and she has supported her Mother through this whole week. You would be proud of her , I am too.

As I sat at your sons house watching his wife struggle through all the needed arrangements , holding back the tears and at times, not knowing what to do - I thought of you.

I looked at Shelby as she was putting together the picture boards for the funeral home and I said - "What would Punky say right now?" 

I know what she would say - she would tell us that everything will be ok and we will get through this together. And so, I got up and hugged by sister-in-law.

My heart has not fully healed since December 10, 2015. I know this. But the days are getting better.

I recently saw a movie on Hallmark where two families lost their spouses. And one of them says " a part of me died with them."  A TV show articulates something I have been feeling but couldn't quite put into words.

And that would be true. I have felt that way for a very long time. 

But as we celebrate this day, I know I must begin to start living and celebrating you. As hard as that is. 

The you who grew this beautiful family with all its quirks , the you who wrote eloquent essays on nature and family, the you who could cook those delicious comforting meals, the you who lent a helping hand to those that needed it and the you who was and still remains my best friend.

Love you Mom
 

 

Authentic Happiness

 


I reunited with a favorite book of mine this morning, Simple Abundance by Sara Ban Breathnach - a find from a friend long ago. It is a book of daily musings and inspirations . This book has been my companion for so many years giving me comfort and thoughts to ponder on my life's journey. In fact, this book has meant so much to me that I have given it as gifts to friends on so many special occasions.

I flipped to a random page that happened to be in July. The subject was living a life of dreaming or expectations, so timely for me as I ponder the next few years of my life. On those pages, I once again found solace. You see, I am a driven person, always reaching for my goals - or "another mountain" as my Mother used to say. However, at this point in my life, yes, I want to always be creating and exploring things in this wonderful world we live in - but I don't want to "strive" so much anymore. And by that I mean beating myself up for not reaching a goal right away or not achieving some of things I thought I would at this point in my life.

I am way too hard on myself with some very high expectations. I have always been this way. But I feel at this chapter of my life, it's time to change. It's time to dream yes, and put effort into those dreams, but perhaps the end goal isn't so much the expectation I have when I get there..but the happiness that comes from just "doing " those things that make me happy.

Being authentically happy with myself and my life is really is what is of utmost importance to me right now.

Oprah Winfrey talks about one of her favorite books by Gary Zukav,"The Seat of the Soul"... and how she learned to start leading her life with intention. I know understand what that means and I intend to live an authentically happy life, whatever that means to me.. whether its taking a cooking class, learning to use the camera my Mom bought me so many years ago, baking, publishing, writing, teaching.. I intend to live a life that isn't full of continuous striving - but full of authentic happiness - for me.

Books are an amazing source of inspiration to me - they teach me, they inspire me, they comfort me and they help me grow into being a better person than I was yesterday.

Thank you Sara, thank you Oprah, thank you Gary - for being the teachers you are and giving us your gifts.

Love and Light,
Kimberley

A Friends Visit at 3am

I have been so touched by this since the day it happened that I truly needed to share it. You probably think that this would be a story of a friend who knocked on my door unexpectedly out of the clear blue.

But no , that isn't what happened.

A long lost lover ?

No.

Instead this is a story about true friendship, love , caring.

Last weekend I came down with THE WORST stomach flu that I can remember. It came out of nowhere after having a wonderful evening with a dear friend of mine downtown.

I literally threw up almost every hour starting at 9 or 10pm. I had the chills and I was sweating all at the same time. My cats had no idea what was going on!

I tried talking activated charcoal with some applesauce as I swore this was food poisoning!

Well, that didn't work so well!

I drank some water to keep hydrated and that was the wrong thing to do!

By the wee hours of the night, my body was truly exhausted and I started to feel faint.

Yet, my stomach just kept on with it's violent attacks.

For the first time in my adult life, I was afraid to be alone , fearing that in fact, I would pass out , I felt that sick. What would happen if I did pass out? Would I hit my head? Who would find me? What about my cats? All these fears kept racing through my mind.

I called for help. And my girlfriend Angie - answered right away.

I could only stay on the line for a brief moment as my stomach once again raged on.

I crawled from the bathroom to the kitchen and made it to the door to unlock it for my friend to get into the house.

She arrived somewhere between three and four in the morning.. I can't recall.

And she sat with me . We watched HGTV and commented on which house the person should buy.

She brought me some water as I threw up yet again while she was there.

Finally, through sheer exhaustion. My eyes drew heavy and sleep was calling.

And my girlfriend continued to sit with me.

She sat with me until she knew I was going to fall asleep and that it was safe to go.

I did sleep, not for long, but I did.

The stomach flu continued its ugliness through the next few days, but my heart was so full of gratitude and love for my friend.

I will never forget this act of kindness in the middle of the night, when fear gripped my mind.

I am crying as I write this for the love my friend showed to me. Truly I will never forget what she did for me.

Sometimes all we need is a friend.

Kimberley