Asking For Help, Weakness or Strength?

This is an interesting question right? Especially for women. I cannot speak for men but I am certain that it applies to them as well.

Recently I had a bout of food poisoning on a Sunday morning with a house full of guests to take care of.  It took me an hour to just muster up the strength to go downstairs to feed my cats! I had a blaring headache, and my body was clearly rejecting something as I ran to the bathroom so many times, I lost count.

My body felt like it had been taken over by some evil gremlin! My guests were sound asleep and I was struggling. For the first time in my life, I felt like I couldn't take care of myself let alone four guests and two furry, black cats. It was a bit scary and I knew I needed help when I started to choke.

And so, I reached out to a friend and she came without question. I was mortified to have someone see me in such a state. You see, I am usually the strong one helping everyone else. She went and  laid out breakfast for my guests and explained to them that I was ill. She went to the tried and true alternative healing books we both share and quickly started assessing what was happening. Even through the many trips to the bathroom we were able to figure this out together and find out what I needed. She ran to the store and came back with a number of basic things I needed - gingerale, a piece of ginger, acidopholis, ginger tea and charcoal. I ate the banana for potassium and took the charcoal and drank the gingerale with pieces of ginger in it. And I started to feel better.. ( and perhaps it was the bazillion times I was in the bathroom as well? hahaha)

I was so grateful to have her there with me. These are the times I had wished I had a boyfriend or husband who was there to "punt for me" and hold my hand!

However, I am so grateful to have a large circle of female friends who would help me with anything I need. Whether it's watching me discard the "gremlin within me" in a bowl on a Sunday morning or help me figure out a software program to move my business along.

As I think about the concept of "asking for help", I remember the days in my life when I felt that this was a weakness. I was supposed to be a strong, independent woman who could whip the world and make anything happen.

Well, I have since learned that this is not a weakness , but a strength. This world we live in is complex and oftentimes is challenging. Being strong doesn't mean that you edge people out and let no one in. Being strong means being confident, loving, listening to your inner self  and knowing that those you love are there for you.

It's funny how life reflects back to you all these little lessons because as I am writing this, I had an "ah ha" moment as Oprah calls them.

You see, a few weeks ago, I had an ex-boyfriend of mine who is very smart, super successful in business, vibrant and full of life - reach out to me for help. He was having hip surgery and wanted to know if I would help him through the surgery and recovery. I didn't even think twice - I said "of course." And that's exactly what I have done. I was with him the entire day yesterday from 8:30 am through almost 11:00pm.  As he started to go under the anesthesia and we discussed the post operative process with the nursing staff, I assured him I would not leave his side.

He looked at me and said " I appreciate that baby" - an endearing term he used with me when we were dating. I smiled to myself as his eyes closed and the anesthesia took hold.

Never in my mind did I think he was weak for asking me for help. On the contrary. I was so appreciative that he thought enough of me that he could count on me, despite the fact that we hadn't dated in years.

And so, "what we give out, comes back to us" as my spiritual mentor, Wayne Dyer says.

So funny, the coincidences of life. And today as I was doing my morning meditation and writing, I bumped into Marie Forleo's post about a woman entrepreneur who started this amazing jewelry business. And what did they talk about? Asking for help !  Check it out - here's the link.

http://www.marieforleo.com/2015/10/satya/

http://www.satyajewelry.com/


Yes, sometimes our friends or family can't help us when we need them to, but there are always other ones to back them up!

The moral of this story? Mmm..Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is a gift to others.  I am reminded of a conversation my mother had with a friend of hers long ago. This was a church friend, who actually was my earliest spiritual teacher. Sharon told my mother that not reaching out for help , was robbing her friends of a  gift.

Blessings,

Kimberley

A New Life Begins and a Life Ends

Yesterday was an interesting day filled with so many emotions. As I pondered the day, looking out at the moonlight and hearing the rustling of the leaves on the trees, I wondered about the human experience here on this planet.

I was taking a break from studying and writing in the morning and a dear friend called me. I saw her name come up on my phone and a smile broke out on my face. I answered immediately, so glad to hear her voice.
However, the news she was to deliver made my heart so very sad. A friend and co-worker we had worked with a few years ago took her own life and would be buried today.  I was speechless. How could this have happened? She was so vibrant and alive and fun. And she had three children she loved so much.

After we hung up, I pulled up our friends facebook page. I wanted to see her beautiful face. I wanted to know why. Was I hoping that some magical answer would hop off the computer screen? I don't know. Maybe I was. These things are always so hard to comprehend. How can it get THAT bad, I wondered. I sat for a few minutes to reflect on her life and the moments we had shared together.

The sun was shining and the weather was warm. I moved on with my day and drove to my training session at the gym. I talked with our deceased friend while driving, hoping she would respond. Nothing. Just my own thoughts and sad heart is all I could hear and feel.

I finished my workout and rushed to the food cooperative to pick up a going away care package for a young girl who has been my assistant since the spring of this year. She would be leaving to move to California, her flight departing at 3pm.

Traffic was crazy and I was eager to get home and wrap my package with a decorative bag and bow. However, construction and traffic was not going to allow that to happen. And as I drove watching the clock tick away, my frustration grew , I wanted my going away gift to be perfectly presented and I wanted to ensure I was not in my gym clothes as I said goodbye!

The clock continued to tick away and I took a couple deep breaths and said to myself - "what is the most important thing here?"  "That I see her and be with her as she takes her first step on her new journey." I knew she didn't care about the clothes I wore, she cared that I was there and supporting her.

I drove straight to her home and gave her all the little goodies I had purchased for her, some yummy bread and alternative therapy staples I knew she would need.

She was thrilled. Her father and I drove her to the airport and helped her get her boarding pass and her bags checked. It was time to say goodbye and to send her off. It was sad. She and I have grown very close to one another and she has taught me a great deal. I thought -"wow, this is what a parent feels like when they send their kid to college or see them fly off on their own to a new adventure." You need to let them soar but you need to let them know that you will be there!  The smile on her face told me that this was the right thing.

I drove back to my house and made myself a salad with all its "fixins." A ritual that my assistant and I have shared almost daily for the last six months. I thought of her and the silence in the house was not welcome. I would give anything to have her sitting there at the kitchen table talking to me, poking fun at my weird ways and sharing her day with me.

So instead, I picked up my phone and sent her a text: "Love you!" .. I was just in time, right before she would board the plane. Shortly thereafter my text message buzzed and there she was, returning my love. And my heart knew that all was ok and she and I would still be connected. And god forbid if anything were to happen to her, she knew that I love her.

I went on with my day and one of my dear friends came to help me sort out some technical stuff that I need to understand to move forward with my business. She is a true friend who stands by you no matter what life presents to us.

We worked on the computer for a bit and my friend from this morning sent a text to say she was on her way over , she had just been to the funeral home.

The doorbell rang and my face lit up at the site of this dear friend who I haven't seen in almost a year. Her face sad but happy to see me at the same time.  We sat down at the kitchen table and she shared the details of what happened to our mutual co-worker and friend.

Shocked, stunned, perplexed, sad, bewildered were all the emotions that came to the surface. I closed my eyes and tried to access our friend in the spiritual part of our universe. Again - nothing. I am sure she is with her boys trying to help them through.  Lots of love, light and healing my sweet, fun friend. I hope to connect with you in my dreams and thoughts soon.

My friend and I caught up at my kitchen table. We laughed and laughed and our hearts cried for our friend. After a time, she said her goodbyes and I went to my computer to collect my thoughts. I listened to the trees and the quietness of the night.

How can one day be filled with so many emotions? How can one person be happy and eager to start a new journey in their life, when one person perceives their life to be so dark, that they take their life? I don't know the answers to those questions, other than  "to live is to be human."  And I am filled with gratitude and love knowing these two people have been in my life.   I found this quote from Sandra Bullock, it's perfect!






Blessings and Loving Light,

Kimberley