The Beauty of Discovering Oneself at 50, A Poem from My Mother

Yes, hard to believe I am actually going to post this. Actually admitting that I am going to turn 50 this year is a huge step for me.  But, I must say that today, somehow and in some strange way, I am proud to say that this is simply a number and yes , that will be my age.

Today, I bless the fact that I have personally grown so much over these last few years and that as I walk toward this number in a few months, I know in my heart of hearts that it truly is a celebration of life.  A celebration that I am a very healthy woman.  I have energy that is difficult for most people to keep up with as I dance until 4am and I am not afraid to embrace my sexuality as a woman.  I am an independent, fun-spirited, vulnerable and loving woman who embraces life.  Do I get scared when new things appear?  yes, absolutely!  Do I say, "Bring It On!" Absolutely! After all, I am my mothers daughter and she is the strongest woman I know!

As I embrace, the woman I am today, I am reminded of a poem that my mother wrote me when I turned 13 years old:


                                             My Daughter's Courage


                             To live each day, with it's contstant onslaught on our being,
                                              takes Courage

                             To endure, to persevere in the face of pain and adversity, take
                               the strength of a mountain.

                             It stands firm in the buffeting of snow and winds and rain.


                             To stop fighting, to loosen your grasp on Courage would be for you,
                                to die a little, to stop living.

                             For you it would be as the shore line, eroded by the tide as it washes over it.
                             Lost forever - never to return to its place.

                             Courage, my dearest daughter, can only be drawn, from the hills we climb
                                 over and overcome each moment.

                             As we conquer them, we build for ourselves
                                
                                               A Mountain

                                             Strong and Sure

                                             A Mountain
               
                                            Called our Lives.

                                          Keep climbing my Darling

                                                                Love Mom
                            



Thank you Mom, for your unending love and strength.

                                    
                     

An old time favorite, Martha Stewart Living Magazine

So, I was at the grocery store tonight after an intense workout and I spotted a Martha Stewart Living magazine.  It had been ages since I had browsed on.  Martha was one of my first "home management" mentors.  I was an avid fan of her TV show and the binding of her cookbook on my shelf is about to come apart.  It was so tempting to grab it off the shelf but I knew I was supposed to be writing and working when I arrived home.

I walked out of the store, with a cooked lemon,pepper chicken, brocolli, some energy bars, sour cream to make banana bread and , yes - Martha Stewart Living.  I went home and poured a glass of wine, cooked a nice, healthy meal of stir fried vegetables and chicken, sat down and opened the magazine.

It was as familiar as an old friend that you haven't seen in ages, but you pick up right where you left off. The pages are beautiful crafted and there are so many little treasures on each one.  I think my favorite find in the September issue was the breakfast cookies! Perfect!  I love cookies and they are filled with everything healthy, including sunflower seeds, oats, banana chips, etc.  And she pairs it with a cappachino. Does breakfast get better than that?

I have always admired Martha's organization skills, her cooking and garden abilities.  I don't care what anyone says, I think she has taken Home Management to a level to aspire to.

Everything that Martha does in her magazine centers around the Home.  Perhaps that is why I am so drawn to it, because my home is my sacred space.  It is where I withdraw from the craziness of the day.  It is my cats universe.  It is a special place where I love to have family come to eat and drink and laugh.  It is where my girfriends and I share our deepest secrets and most importantly, it is where I love to be more than anywhere else.

Thank you Martha for your continued inspiration in my life.

Kimberley

"Don't Die with the Music Still in You"

I cannot seem to forget this statement from a Wayne Dyer segment I watched on You Tube.  It has resonated within my soul for days now. The words call to me, knowing that there is a higher purpose to be served by all of us. 


We all must share our true gifts with the world.  Some of us sing, some of us paint, some of us write novels and some of us grow fruit and some of us teach. Whatever it is that is our true passion and love, we must freely pass it on to others.  The world would most certainly be sad if we didn't.

This message clearly resonated with me as I take what feels like baby steps toward my true calling. It was God's way of telling me,

       Don't give up, don't give up, keep moving forward, look at how far you have come, keep moving
       forward.

I haven't written too much in weeks, perhaps its been a few months. Tonight I ask myself why. Because I am not writing what my soul wants to write, I am writing because I am demanding it of myself, for a purpose other than what my soul wants to write. I have discovered this does not work, our writing must come from the soul, the heart.  The world will know when it's not our truth. For truth comes from inside ourselves.  Its not something you think about, its something you know.

It's my promise to myself and I hope you will make it for yourself too, that you won't die with the music still in you. Do whatever it takes to bring it out and share it with the world.

The Moon Shines Brightly Tonight

The moon shines brightly tonight through my kitchen window. I turn off all of the lights so that I may view it in all its glory against the darkness of the night sky. I take my tea cup upstairs, open the patio doors so that I may hear the sounds of the darkness. The insects are a buzz and cars can be heard from far away.  My street is quiet, not a soul around.  This I call tranquility. This I call peace. 

I never used to appreciate this time of night until a very dear, long distance,friend of mine and I would chat way into the wee hours of the morning about life, design, animals, favorite places we have been.  All the while we were chatting, we would listen to music together.  Songs my friend would share with me that I would never find on my own.  These were precious nights. I would almost go so far as to call them sacred.  Sacred to me anyway.  He gave me the gift of appreciating and embracing the stillness of the night instead of fearing it as I often did.

As I contemplate life on this beautiful, summer evening, I look back at these last couple years of my life and feel a sense of gratitude for the tremendous growth I have experienced as a person and the people I have met along the way. They might have been in my life for a short time, and others are still in my life but all of them have enriched my life in some way.

I can remember a time as a young girl when I desired the approval of others and now as a woman, I find it doesn't matter so much what others think or feel about me.  My mother sent me a Valentines Day card in the mail this past February and I have it sitting on my kitchen window sill as a reminder of who I am.  The front of the card has a light pink border with scrolls and flowers through it. And in the middle of the card is a little girl in a pink ballet leotard and tights, with a pink sweater-like headband around her head.  Her right arm is in the air and her left down at her side as she attempts to balance by the bar.  The saying of the card goes like this:

                                                 In the blink of an eye,
                                                      the little girl
                                                      who did pirouettes
                                                      down the hall
                                                      is dancing her way through
                                                      her own
                                                                 Life.

                                               Your song has always been different
                                                  from those around you.
                                               Like you it is special and a unique thing
                                                  you alone can hear.
                                              I have loved watching you dance t
                                                              to it"

                                                  Loved you then
                                                   Love you now
                                                 Love you always.

                                                 Happy Valentines Day

                                                          Mom


As I sip my tea and listen to the night air, I honor that little girl still in me, dancing her way through Life, to my own song, the song that plays in my heart and is true to myself.  Thank you Mom.