Thursday, March 29, 2012

May I have Just One More Day

A friend of mine lost her father recently and her facebook post said " if only I could have just one more day."  I totally understand where she is coming from!  Today, my little boy Ben (he is a cat) was diagnosed with stomach cancer. All I can do now is love him up and make him comfortable until he gets put down tomorrow.  Words cannot express how much saddness is in my heart right now. He is a very sensitive, loving, sweet little boy.  He has weathered many traumatic life experiences with me, unemployment, a mother diagnosed with cancer (and I cannot thank God enough for her recovery!), a house fire, two new cats to the household - who are hell on four legs!, and worst of all boyfriend breakups!

He has also seen many a family party full of life, laughter, lots of hugs and several bottles of wine! He has seen my wonderful nieces and nephews grow up to be amazing people and the birth of my nephews little boy Connor.  Together, we moved back into our newly renovated, beautiful home.

Ben always loved to be in the kitchen with me, on the counter watching me cook.  He loves catnip - its like a drug to him.  He learned from his older sister, how to wake me up at 4am to eat and he would sit behind me on  my desk chair every time I was at the computer. 

I named him after the son, I was not blessed with.  Maybe that is why my heart is so filled with grief right now. 

I will miss him more than he knows. 

This my little one I say to you... you will live on in my heart always and someday when the day comes where God calls me to the sunshine, you and your sister will join me and once again, I will see you harrass her and she get annoyed, and I will see her sit like the Queen she was and you will be frolicking around with your catnip and that scarehair that you were born with.  We will be reunited my little one, so don't worry, you will be in my arms once again.

I love you my little benboy.

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