Saturday, October 31, 2015
It's been an interesting couple of days, lots of emotion swirling around from sadness of a friend moving out of town, to disappointment of not meeting my creative/entrepreneurial goals as I had intended over a year ago, to fear of not being able to financially support myself while I continue onward to make those dreams a reality. All of this I knew was blocking my ability to write and that upset me even more.
I yearned to put pen to paper and my hands on the keyboard. It wasn't coming. I did everything that my teachers had taught me about changing the focus of my thoughts and getting out of that emotional state that put me in those places. It has been a struggle to pull myself out of it. Because you see life doesn't always give us a full hour to meditate or to lock yourself in your writing room until some divine inspiration happens.
The laundry needs to get done, guests need to be taken care of , you need to get yourself off the chair and exercise and clean the litter boxes! Yes, I did all these things as tears of sadness, fear, frustration were churning inside my body and the tissue box was getting emptied.
But I pushed myself through it , honoring all those wonderful emotions that have been given to us as we go through the human experience. Wayne Dyer often tells us in his books and audio tapes, "we are spiritual beings having a human experience." Great! I could do without some of these experiences - thank you very much! Most of all, the experience of heartbreak when you love someone so much, the thought of saying goodbye to them just feels like a beautiful vase, that gets shattered into a million pieces as it falls to the ground. Well, I don't want to start those tears flowing all over again, I am just starting to feel a bit better today and I need to be writing!
One of the key tasks on my to-do list was to think through my new, creative business model and get back to my marketing consultant/mentor. We talked about a vision board for my business and I had never really thought about that. I had a vision board for my overall life but never really specifically for my business.
So, I set out thinking about that. How do I mix all the creative things I love and want to share with the world into some crazy business model? Mmm.. I am a writer of fiction novels - which I love - creating those worlds that only you dream of , is super fun! I love to bake and cook, I teach people how to create better lives for themselves with their health, careers, wardrobes, etc.and I own a BnB/Retreat. Mmm.. how the heck do you put that all together?
I knew the one thing that always grounded me when I felt like my life was swirling out of control was to bake cookies. And I did - yesterday afternoon. Gluten free chocolate chip cookies, something my guests and friends love. However, I was stumbling through it and ironically they didn't come out as great as they usually do. Wonderful- my go to stress reliever wasn't working! At least it helped me focus my thoughts elsewhere for a time.
I kept thinking foll about the business model conversation and wondering what does that look like for me? How do I write from the heart to inspire people and create a "business model" from that?
My thoughts went to Joanna Penn, who writes the blog - The Creative Penn. I have been following her for years now and she is truly an inspiration to me as she too has struggled to to finance her writing career and she has been successful! She has so many wonderful non-fiction books and podcasts and blog posts to help writers find their way. You can find her on http://www.thecreativepenn.com/. Please, if you have any aspiration to write, whether it be fiction or non-fiction -check it out, her site is super helpful!
I knew I had downloaded a non-fiction work of hers on becoming an author in this new world of self publishing. I went in search of it and yes indeed, I did have it.
I read through it while eating dinner and contemplated her advice.
I went to bed thinking about it and I got up at 5am this morning thinking about it. The cats were like - hey, why are you up? Great, why don't you fed us while you are at it? I wanted to sit down with pen and paper to see if I could get something written this morning , to see if I could write once again despite all those crazy emotions and thoughts of business models. I dutifully fed the cats and made some coffee. I was determined to write.
I went up to my writing room in the quietness of the morning darkness outside, turned on my desk lamp,.. coffee in hand and picked up a prayer book written by Julia Cameron called Answered Prayers, Love Letters from the Divine. I always randomly open the book to whatever page God directs me with this little book and sure enough, each and every time - he leads me to the page that I need to read most. The page told me that He hears my prayers even if I don't know how to pray. That He hears me even through my yearnings and my tears. How many times does He have to tell me he hears me? I laughed at that sentence because I knew he was talking to me, telling me - "its all going to be ok." " We have been here before and I carried you through didn't I?" "We got through a house fire together and unemployment didn't we?"
Yes, we did. And so there was my inspiration to write. And I started on my Morning Pages. And the words began to flow.
My words were those of prayer as they have been many times before and suddenly Elizabeth Gilbert popped into my head as I have been reading her new book, BigMagic (http://www.elizabethgilbert.com/). In that book she talks about the fact that although some story line seems like it has been written before or that someone else came up with a similar idea, it has never before been created in YOUR voice, created by YOUR hands. We are all unique and have gifts to share with the world.
I went to my computer and typed in her name. What was her business model? How was she working through the maze of publishing, living life and writing? Well, I clicked on her site and was immediately attracted to her video section and her You Tube video about a book that I hadn't read yet. It is called, The Signature of All Things. I love Elizabeth Gilberts voice, it is very calming to me and when she speaks about the writing life, it all just makes so much sense to me.
I listened to her voice and watched the video and I knew once again, God had directed me to the right place. You see as she explains the heroine in the book, she explains part of herself and part of who I am as well - the joy of getting so engrossed in a project that you have to feel it, you can't just read about it, you have to feel it! " I want to go out and roll around the world I am inventing" YES! I totally understand!
The video finished and up popped two other pictures for other videos. One of Elizabeth Gilbert and her husband, featuring her on Super Soul Sunday with Oprah and the other picture was of Wayne Dyer and his book The Erroneous Zones.
Now what are the odds that three people who have inspired my work so much would be sitting right there in front of me this morning - Oprah, Elizabeth Gilbert and Wayne Dyer.
Do you think perhaps they are all rooting for me to find my voice in the world? I do. And if Elizabeth Gilbert could talk to me, I know what she would be telling me.
Get out there.. find your voice. Yes, I know your struggling, scared and uncertain, but you will find your way to the other side of this and you will see, it will be wonderful!
It is my hope that this blog post gives some inspiration to those of you out there who are trying desperately to follow your dreams. Don't give up no matter what. Even if your world seems like it's crashing down around you. It's not! It's the Universe at work! Call on Your Teachers! They appear when you need them!
Here is to your Creative Life!
Friday, October 23, 2015
So, I went on a first date with someone last night and to my surprise he greeted me in a backwards baseball cap, a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers. The topper - he was chewing gum!
I was shocked to say the least. I took my time to shower, get nicely dressed in a blue blouse that contrasted with my auburn hair, a nice pair of black jeggings with black boots and a coat that was yellow with ruffles that complemented the blue. I curled my hair and took the time with my makeup.
Clearly he didn't take the time to do much of anything! Immediately I knew that there wasn't going to be a second date! And the date got even more interesting when he said "let's go get a table" and proceeded to walk away from me and sat down. He didn't take my drink with him or offer to carry my coat.
He didn't take notice that the waitress didn't bring me the water I asked for when she brought my wine and he slurped his drink down in less than 10 minutes. He didn't talk much except to divulge to me that he in fact didn't work at a family business as he told me ahead of time - he worked for FedEx. Now, I don't care if that is what you do for a job, but why lie about it?
He proceeded to ask me if I play darts and I replied " not unless I have had a few drinks." He said "well then order another drink" I don't drink that much and certainly not on an empty stomach, I replied.
He didn't even respond by asking me if I wanted something to eat. He just kind of looked at me and let the silence sit between us. I felt like I had drag the conversation out of him. It wasn't until I asked him about his workouts did he begin to talk. The good news is that he gave me some great information on what I needed to do to strengthen my back and wrists so that was helpful!
I couldn't wait any longer, I had to eat , so I took it upon myself to flag the waitress down and order an appetizer.
The hummus and pita bread came and of course, I asked him if he would like to share and he took me up on the offer!
We chatted a bit more and I just needed to end this evening because it was uncomfortable and he wasn't really asking me a whole lot of questions to get to know me. I had to get out of there! I flagged the waitress down and asked her for the bill.
You guessed it! He didn't offer to pay, nor did he offer to split the bill for the appetizer!
I politely said goodnight and went on my merry way. I was thankful for the information I received about my workouts but decided that there were parameters I needed to set for a first date.
Maybe I am old fashioned, but perhaps men need to understand that women like guys that get dressed to see them on a first date, fifth date, tenth date etc. It's a turn on! Backwards baseball caps, chewing gum, t-shirt and jeans is not a turn on! Nor is not treating a woman like a lady and carrying her drink for her!
And not asking her if she wants something to eat! Way to really make sure you never see her again!
I don't get it? Men could have women eating out of their hands if they treated them right! And I know there are men out there that know how to do that! Perhaps there needs to be a class that men take to teach them the tips on dating and capturing a woman.
And I am certain that there are men out there who have something to say about first dates and women. I would love to hear them! Tips are always helpful!
Here's to Men that are Classy and take the time to Dress!
Thursday, October 22, 2015
Over the last few days, I have been reading a book by Elizabeth Gilbert called Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear. At the time I bought the book, I grabbed it to soothe a grieving heart over a friend that is moving away. Has it worked? Somewhat, yes. Each time I think of my friend and begin to cry, I grab the book to focus my mind on my writing life.
Just this morning I read an interesting chapter on Permission to Live a Creative Life. When I saw the title of the chapter - I thought, wow, what an interesting perspective! Intrigued, I read on. Elizabeth Gilbert writes:
You do not need anybody's permission to live a creative life.
She speaks of the influences of our parents. What kind of people were they? Were they afraid to take risks? Were they afraid of what other people were to say if they followed their dreams? Were they rule followers?
It really doesn't matter , she states. If you look back far enough into your family line, you will find people who just loved to make things and spent their lives making things.
"The earliest evidence of recognizable human art is forty thousand years old." It's older than humans tending to their agricultural tasks! Wow.. pretty profound I would say! What does that say about the human species? We are destined to create, more so than our desire to eat?
Well I can tell you when I am writing and creating, food is the last thing I think about - in fact, when I am in the flow of my writing or decorating my home for the holidays or baking batches of cookies - I forget about eating all together! So, I kind of get this!
Artists and creators don't necessarily have to be DaVinci or Michaelangelo- they can be the piece of pottery you created last weekend or the Christmas decorations you so meticulously and lovingly adorned your house with.
"Keep in mind that for most of history people just made things , and they didn't make such a big freaking deal out of it."
I love that line from this chapter. Especially as I am designing a new, creative life for myself.
"We make things because we LIKE making things." Well, I cannot help but think of my parents when I read this line, because you see my parents have always been "makers" as far as I can remember. Yes, my Dad was a great provider and worked a "regular job." But, he always made time for home renovations and working on his cars. You see, he is an amazing craftsman when it comes to home improvements. I have a fond memory of him knocking a big hole in the wall of my childhood home to make way for a beautiful arched window that would let the sunshine into our small, side entryway. My Mom and he were always conjuring up some renovations to that house.
My Mom on the other hand, has been writing since I was a child. Essay and prose mostly, and they are beautifully written. She is an amazing interior designer , coming by it naturally - no schooling needed. She is a self-taught seamstress, cook, card maker, holiday set designer and knits beautiful sweaters.
So, do I come from parents who were rule followers or "makers?" What do you think? Pretty obvious I would say.
In his retirement, my Dad is renovating a beach house that he and his wife just bought and my Mom is teaching herself a computer program, making memory boxes for all of her children and grandchildren. And she is dabbling with a children's book!
"Inspiration works with us," Elizabeth says. Yes, it does, it collaborates with us, calling at our doors to see if we will answer. Will we answer? On the weekends, weekdays, or call "creating" our vocation?
This chapter was so timely for me as I in the midst of designing my own creative life and struggling with what is going to be the primary focus for me? I love to do so many things. I love my writing, I love to bake, decorate, design, I love to help people become the best they can be at whatever they desire in their life and I love to create that "new outfit". And I am a BnB proprietor - which I love. Why do we have to choose one over the other, can we not incorporate all of those things into a life we love? I believe we can. And I am trying to figure it all out. Perhaps some of these are our vocation and others are our weekend hobbies.
I move through my days, letting my heart lead the way ever mindful of paying the mortgage, asking Spirit/God to guide me. I am grateful to have had this opportunity to share my gifts with the world and I am so grateful to Elizabeth Gilbert for giving me "permission" to "make things" and create a life I absolutely love!
Here is to all of us! The "makers" of the world. For we all have the ability to be makers! Give yourself Permission as Elizabeth Gilbert has given to me!
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
I typically don't write a piece so specific to my family, but I felt inspired to do so today.
This Sunday was such a touching experience for me as I watched another one of my nephews children get baptized. Why was this one any different than the baptism of his other two children?
Because my Father was there.
You see my Father and his wife have taken such an active role in our family over the last few years since my Mother had a brush with death. I will never know what they discussed when she called them to her bedside, but whatever it was, our family has been blessed with the gift of my Father and his wife ever since.
I was rushing (per usual) to get myself together to get to the church on time with my 11 year old car that sounds like it needs a new exhaust. I didn't want to drive in the parking lot and have everyone notice I was there and I wanted time for prayer before the service started.
As luck would have it , I arrived just as my nephews wife was pulling in with the children. Their four year old, bolted out of the van all dressed in his Sunday best and the baby bundled to protect him from the cold.
We walked into the church together, the peacefulness of the inside of the sacred space filling my soul. The little one in his mothers arms was captivated by all the shiny objects that adorned this beautiful catholic church - his eyes just moving from one to the other.
I watched him and couldn't get over how much he looked like my nephew when he was born!
Many family members were there to celebrate this sacred rite of passage for this beautiful newborn baby and it truly warmed my heart. I am not a "religious person" per se. I believe that there is one Spirit/God that somehow in their magnificent way, manages to keep this Universe all working and they love with no judgement. I love some of the sacredness and rituals of the Catholic Church and the rite of baptism holds a special meaning for me. Its a spiritual birth of sorts. Yes, its symbolic but so meaningful.
The service began and the voices of our very extended family responded to the readings from the Deacon. I listened to the voices and felt the warmth of the spirit among us.
My heart was overflowing with soulful happiness.
The Deacon asked if there were grandparents present who wanted to bless the water prior to the baby getting baptized.
And my Father got up to join my nephews wife's parents. It was one of the most touching moments of my life. I just wished my Mother had been there to join in as well.
So, I jumped up to snap some pictures, knowing that someday, I would hand them to that little guy to remember this moment of his life.
As I look at this picture now, it still warms my soul and I am so blessed to be a part of a wonderful family. Yes, we have our issues, but we are still a family. We all know it in our hearts. And for this I am so very grateful.
I went to bed Sunday night so content and my soul so full. I am so thankful to my parents who gave birth to this ever growing family. Thankful for the traditions they gave us and the values they raised us with.
I am so grateful to my nephew and his wife for giving us the gift of their children to play with, laugh with and watch them grow.
May All of You Cherish those Family Traditions...
Love and Light,
Saturday, October 17, 2015
Being in Love and getting your heartbroken (pain) are often two sides of the same coin. The feelings are the same. One feels like they are dropping into depths so deep its hard to capture into words.
Is this why our society has been so captured by the Fifty Shades of Grey novels? Did E.L James bring out the obvious? or was she reminding us of the primal needs we all have of love at some deep level?
Do we all secretly wish we had our own "Christians and Ana's?" People balk at the whole mention of BDSM - the whole notion of pain and pleasure. I too have pondered what the fascination is with this and why are certain people attracted to it while others fear it?
I never read the erotica genre until people started talking about this book. Not wanting to join in on the bandwagon, I didn't read it for a year or two after it came out. It fascinated me. Why were women all over the globe so taken with this?
We have come so far as women in the world, rising to the top of corporations, non-for-profit foundations, running our own businesses, raising amazing children, holding top positions in our governments yet, this trilogy sent women into a world of floggers and spankings.
My niece and I even talked about this "rage" and what was so special about it. She told me " Aunt Kim - you should write in this genre, there isn't a lot of good writers out there." I laughed and thought to myself, "what is in those books?, are they just another form of Harlequin?" Since then there are many other people who have asked if I was writing in that genre.
So, I broke down and bought the books. I read all three of them in a week! I began to understand what was capturing women. I even heard that there were men reading these books , to understand why the women in their life were so captivated.
I then went on to read other authors in this same genre. Some of them bored me to tears and others were some of the hottest sex scenes I had ever read, imagined, seen..
I have started writing novel number two and I am still unsure whether or not it wants to be in the erotica genre or whether its going to be another romance/mystery. It is still revealing itself to me.
As a woman who has been head over heels in love and who has had her heart shattered in a million pieces that I never thought I would recover - I now feel like I understand this dichotomy of pain and pleasure.
Do I understand the draw of pain and pleasure in the BDSM world? Not sure, the jury is still out for me on it.
I know that this is a departure from my typical musings on my blog. I would enjoy your thoughts on this. Even well known author Tim Ferris, just went out on a limb and posted a blog about polyamory this week.
So, if he can , I guess I can too!
Love, Light, Pleasure and Pain to all of you!
Friday, October 16, 2015
My morning writing has me ponder thoughts and feelings I have for someone very dear to me. You see, I received a text from them yesterday as I was driving to my workout session with my trainer, that they were moving. And their new home would be thousands of miles away.
My heart sank and the tears started streaming down my face. My contacts became blurry and I was supposed to walk into the gym ready for action. I wanted to run away as far as I could from the feeling of this pain and at the same time I wanted to go into that gym and punch the daylights out of that bag hanging from the ceiling.
I put my sunglasses on and walked into the gym asking my trainer for a few minutes. I needed to collect myself. I want no one in on these feelings. He looked at me and asked if I was ok? And I replied "let's get to it!" I wanted him to work me hard and punish myself - perhaps that would take the pain away and I wouldn't feel anymore.
I pushed through the workout- pushing my emotions away and forcing my mind to be angry instead of feeling grief. I got through it and left the gym. No sooner did I get in the car and the floodgates opened once again for the tears to fall.
So many emotions - angry at myself for letting myself feel this way and sadness for having to say goodbye to someone who means so much to me.
I called my Mom as so many daughters do in these times and she let me be angry and she let me speak ill of myself and she let me be sad, just listening as she often does. My Mom had some wise things to say , sharing her years of experience with me. I listened through my tears and my anger, knowing she loves me and she was giving me the best advice she could. I wanted to beat myself up for allowing myself to feel so much for someone once again and feeling like they don't reciprocate those same level of feelings.
I felt like I had come so far on my own personal internal work, how could I let this happen? Why hadn't I transcended this and just felt love in my heart with no "attachment" and let it go? Why did I still feel this level of pain? I don't know.
I cried the entire day, wanting to go to bed and curl up into a ball - yet life wouldn't allow me to do that. I had responsibilities to care for a friend who is staying at my house and is recovering from hip surgery.
I couldn't let them see what was happening on the inside. I wanted no one around me. I wanted the world to go away. I wanted the pain to go away.
I drove to the grocery store knowing I needed to get ice for my friend and sat there in the parking lot and just let myself cry. Some guy putting his groceries in his car just starred at me and I wanted to just yell at him and ask him "what the hell are you staring at?" However, it knew it was my need to push the world away as well as the pain.
I picked up the ice and I started walking toward what I knew would always soothe my heart - books! The world of books has always been my solace every since I was a little girl. I could get lost in worlds imagined in authors minds and I could forget about my own. They have given me comfort, made me laugh, helped me to become a better person and let me know that love is possible against any and all odds that the world presents to us.
And what did my eyes see , but a book from Elizabeth Gilbert on the writing life! I loved her book - Eat,Pray,Love - I think all of us women can relate to pieces of that book. The book I picked up was called Big Magic, Creative Living Beyond Fear. I thought to myself - Once again, the world of writing calls me home.
I knew delving into this book would see me through the night and help me sleep. I also picked up a magazine - REAL SIMPLE , all about organizing. I wanted to control something, anything.Cleaning out closets or kitchens or garages when I feel like my life is swirling has always helped ground me.
I arrived home to take care of my friend, made him some dinner, and I made myself a bowl of popcorn with parmesean cheese and truffle oil and poured a glass of wine. I needed comfort.
Exhausted from the emotions of the day, the physical workout my trainer put me through and the responsibilities that come from taking care of someone after an operation had taken their toll. I needed to go upstairs and find sleep.
I curled up in my favorite pajamas and "boyfriend sweater" , did I go to sleep? No! I opened up those little gifts I just bought and started reading. Elizabeth Gilbert spoke to me and asked me if I had the courage to share my writing gifts with the world? Once again, the Universe was telling me what I needed to hear.
My eyes were heavy and I couldn't fight them anymore. I turned the light off, pulled the book to my heart and pulled the covers over me.
This morning I awoke with a little less pain but still an ache that I knew wasn't going away anytime soon. My friend and I would meet for lunch one last time before he moved. Part of me wants to see him and part of me doesn't. Wouldn't it just be easier for me to let him go from my heart and mind now? If I see him, it will dredge up all those feelings and my heart will feel pain once again.
So, as I was pondering my thoughts this morning, I bumped into one of my favorite facebook pages: Raising Vibrations and this is what was on their wall:
You are a gift to the world .....dont forget this heart emoticon
If you find yourself sharing your gifts in places and with people, that do not seem to want it, don't continue to beat your head up against the wall. Release them. Let them have their own journey.
Life is too short to convince people to be aware of who you are and the value that you bring.
Life is too short to convince people to be aware of who you are and the value that you bring.
Love yourself enough to remove yourself from any situation where you are constantly making someone a priority who has made you an option. The lips of the wise are sealed to those who refuse to hear and are comfortable being ignorant. Being to crave out a place for yourself in life to do the work that you are called to, for those who ready to receive it.
Your gifts and time are precious. Take care to nurture and develop them. Only in this way you can live a life that purposeful, meaningful and free of frustration. You are a gift to the world. You deserve to be recognized for who you are.
It was a message I needed to see, read and hear.
I share these thoughts for all the lovers in the world who dare love with their whole hearts and have the courage to feel them get broken. I hope that someone out there in the land of the internet will find some solace in these words and find a way to make their day just a little brighter.
Love and Light to all the Lovers in the World! Keep loving, don't stop because your heart gets broken. The shattered pieces will glue themselves together, maybe not immediately, but they will and you will find the love you have always yearned for.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
I have been caring for a dear friend who is recovering from hip surgery at my house for the last week or so. He is a wonderful man and I am grateful he has given me this opportunity to serve him and help him through this time. It has certainly shaken up my routine and given me a greater understanding of what it's like to have a spouse go through a medical procedure and being totally responsible for their every need.
So, the other day, I felt so cooped up , I knew I needed to get out and be with nature. My body felt a yearning to be connected to the beautiful trees and gardens. I started my walking journey in my little neighborhood, so quiet and filled with majestic, bold, strong maple trees and as I soldiered onward, I grew closer to street noise - yuk. Working from home now, I have grown fond of quietness and serenity. I walked on with a destination in mind. There is a neighborhood with incredibly beautiful homes close by that is tucked away in a cul-de-sac. I saw deer there once, silently grazing without a care in the world. I wanted to see if I could connect with them and take myself away from the world of responsibility if only for a brief hour. It was a spot close to home yet I knew I could lose myself in that quiet corner for just a brief time.
As I walked down the street, cars zooming by, I tried to focus my energies towards the plants in the front gardens of neighboring houses. I stopped on a stone bench to watch the squirrels frolick in the leaves, in search of acorns to store away for the winter. They just went along their business, doing what they do. I thought to myself - what is that like? Not having a mind that swirls with ten different things all at once? What is it like to do just what you are meant to do? And just go with the flow of the natural order of things? Part of me yearned for that level of peace. I focused my energies toward connecting with the animals and zone out the traffic right in front of me. The squirrels stopped and looked at me, apparently I didn't pose a threat to them. And they went about their business of doing what they do.
I sauntered onward. It was a warm day, although it was officially Autumn on the calendar and a bit overcast. Suddenly, I was stuck by this front garden that still had summer flowers blooming as well as Fall chrysanthemums. There were snapdragons! One of my most favorites when I started learning about gardening. They were orange/purple - beautiful, vibrant! fun! I stood for a minute admiring them and smiling. They made me happy to be near them.
I made it to my destination and felt like Mary Lenox - walking into her secret garden. In fact, I was reminded of England as I walked through the entryway of the street. I continued toward the end of the circle, in hopes of meeting the deer. I waited. No, they did not appear.But I did get to see the fun Fall and Halloween decorations that dotted the majestic homes and the piles of leaves that formed pathways to people front porches. I wanted to sit on one of their porches and just let the world go by.
It was so quiet , as if it was a world away.
I let myself close my eyes and soak in the sound of the wind in the trees and the rustle of little squirrel feet. I waited to let nature call to me. I let time slip away if only for a little while.
As I walked back toward home, I noticed a man standing in front of that same front yard garden where I spotted the orange/purple snapdragons. I approached him and engaged him in conversation about the transition of the gardens from Summer to Fall. He was smiling stating that he was taking one last look before he drove to Florida. He smiled, admiring the flowers. He told me that he didn't have much to do with tending this garden, his friend Linda did most of the work, however he did help a bit - but he always loved the result.
We chatted about each flower and bush that was planted and I thanked him for his gift to those of us who walk by each day. He smiled. And I bid him farewell as I journeyed on.
I shot some other photos as I made my home - a rose bush, with its last blooms , promising to always return next year with all it's glory and a beautiful burgundy/purple plant in pot that a neighbor had put out in some random space in her garden. The contrast of the burgundy against the white pot struck my eye.
Carrying little gifts from nature on my phone camera, I felt like I took a piece of nature to keep with me always. I understand what Monet saw as he painted!
I made my way home with my treasures, thanking the Universe for giving me these gifts.
Enjoy the pictures of the Flowers I found on my walk.
Saturday, October 10, 2015
Wayne Dyer continues to fill my morning writings and my thoughts as I walk through these days looking for motivation and support to continue on my life's purpose. I need him to see me through this. My books call to me - publish me. Write me. Answer my calling. Share yourself with the world.
My cat Bailey sits all cozy on my red bathroom on the chair next to me keeping me company and watching me type. He is content and happy watching the letters appear on the page. The house is quiet as I write. I listen with attentive ears for my friend who is downstairs in my guest bedroom, healing from hip surgery. Will he stir while I write? I hope that I will be able to keep my morning writing ritual this morning without him needing me.
This is my favorite time of day to write as there are no distractions from the world quite yet and I can be alone with my books and my thoughts. And so I listen to Wayne Dyer talk about Inspiration and those that have inspired him in his life. Does he know that "He" has been my inspiration? My spiritual inspiration, my mentor as each day I reaffirm my purpose with his voice in my ears.
In his video on Inspiration, he talks of the story of Vincent Van Gogh and Don Mclean's song that he wrote in the honor of the famous painter. I didn't know that this painter shot himself because his soul was in such turmoil. And who knew that his paintings never sold until his death? When I listen to Serena Dyer sing the song, Starry Starry Night, my heart was filled with sadness over such greatness feeling such grief within himself. How can that be? How can he create such amazing works, yet feel such depths of darkness?
His mother gave him the same name as she had given to a son born about a year prior who was still born. He felt like a replacement child? Oh, I see it as another chance, another try to bring the baby who was meant to be on this earth to life. Yet, he struggled. How I wish he could have known how wonderful he was while he was still alive. He died too young.
"One of the essential principles of living an inspired life is the knowing that our desires don't always arrive on our schedule. They arrive when they are supposed to. " I stopped the youtube video several types to hear Wayne Dyer tell me that over and over and over again. I know he was speaking to me as I long for my first book to be published.
And so as I struggle to keep my promise to myself that I would write everyday and that yes, I will be a published author and my other private dreams will come true, I think of Wayne Dyer and all the people that inspired his life's work and his story of Vincent Van Gogh. I don't think I will ever forget it.
I will not let my dreams die with me. I will live to see them come alive, no matter the effort , no matter when the time.
Dear Dr. Dyer - You Inspire Me! I hope you are hearing these words as I speak them in my head and type them on the computer screen. Thank you , I love you for being there for me, each day, each piece I write, each word I speak. You Inspire Me!
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
This is an interesting question right? Especially for women. I cannot speak for men but I am certain that it applies to them as well.
Recently I had a bout of food poisoning on a Sunday morning with a house full of guests to take care of. It took me an hour to just muster up the strength to go downstairs to feed my cats! I had a blaring headache, and my body was clearly rejecting something as I ran to the bathroom so many times, I lost count.
My body felt like it had been taken over by some evil gremlin! My guests were sound asleep and I was struggling. For the first time in my life, I felt like I couldn't take care of myself let alone four guests and two furry, black cats. It was a bit scary and I knew I needed help when I started to choke.
And so, I reached out to a friend and she came without question. I was mortified to have someone see me in such a state. You see, I am usually the strong one helping everyone else. She went and laid out breakfast for my guests and explained to them that I was ill. She went to the tried and true alternative healing books we both share and quickly started assessing what was happening. Even through the many trips to the bathroom we were able to figure this out together and find out what I needed. She ran to the store and came back with a number of basic things I needed - gingerale, a piece of ginger, acidopholis, ginger tea and charcoal. I ate the banana for potassium and took the charcoal and drank the gingerale with pieces of ginger in it. And I started to feel better.. ( and perhaps it was the bazillion times I was in the bathroom as well? hahaha)
I was so grateful to have her there with me. These are the times I had wished I had a boyfriend or husband who was there to "punt for me" and hold my hand!
However, I am so grateful to have a large circle of female friends who would help me with anything I need. Whether it's watching me discard the "gremlin within me" in a bowl on a Sunday morning or help me figure out a software program to move my business along.
As I think about the concept of "asking for help", I remember the days in my life when I felt that this was a weakness. I was supposed to be a strong, independent woman who could whip the world and make anything happen.
Well, I have since learned that this is not a weakness , but a strength. This world we live in is complex and oftentimes is challenging. Being strong doesn't mean that you edge people out and let no one in. Being strong means being confident, loving, listening to your inner self and knowing that those you love are there for you.
It's funny how life reflects back to you all these little lessons because as I am writing this, I had an "ah ha" moment as Oprah calls them.
You see, a few weeks ago, I had an ex-boyfriend of mine who is very smart, super successful in business, vibrant and full of life - reach out to me for help. He was having hip surgery and wanted to know if I would help him through the surgery and recovery. I didn't even think twice - I said "of course." And that's exactly what I have done. I was with him the entire day yesterday from 8:30 am through almost 11:00pm. As he started to go under the anesthesia and we discussed the post operative process with the nursing staff, I assured him I would not leave his side.
He looked at me and said " I appreciate that baby" - an endearing term he used with me when we were dating. I smiled to myself as his eyes closed and the anesthesia took hold.
Never in my mind did I think he was weak for asking me for help. On the contrary. I was so appreciative that he thought enough of me that he could count on me, despite the fact that we hadn't dated in years.
And so, "what we give out, comes back to us" as my spiritual mentor, Wayne Dyer says.
So funny, the coincidences of life. And today as I was doing my morning meditation and writing, I bumped into Marie Forleo's post about a woman entrepreneur who started this amazing jewelry business. And what did they talk about? Asking for help ! Check it out - here's the link.
Yes, sometimes our friends or family can't help us when we need them to, but there are always other ones to back them up!
The moral of this story? Mmm..Don't be afraid to ask for help. It is a gift to others. I am reminded of a conversation my mother had with a friend of hers long ago. This was a church friend, who actually was my earliest spiritual teacher. Sharon told my mother that not reaching out for help , was robbing her friends of a gift.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
I ended my day by walking out on my second floor balcony, looking up at the moon between the trees. I can hear the wind as it rustles the leaves. It's quiet and the moon is shining brightly as the clouds silently, move by it. These are special nights. Nights to be silent and to listen to the still small voice of God.
I reflect on my day and how much my life has changed over the past year. I am answering my calling. I am living the life I am meant to be living. I am more connected to God now than I have been in a very long time. But , this is a different connection than the one I felt as a young girl. It's a quiet sense of peace, of "knowing" as Wayne Dyer says. Its a feeling of being connected to something much bigger than ourselves.
As a young girl, God was this big massive father figure that I thought I had to obey , be perfect, do no wrong, adhere to all those commandments or something bad would happen to me. I felt like I would be judged for any wrongdoings and not be loved if I made a mistake.
This is not the God I live with today. This God, Spirit, Higher Power, whatever you call Him or Her - they are all about one thing - Love.
I had dinner with a dear, old friend tonight who I haven't seen in two years. She asked me how I had the courage to walk away from a corporate job. My answer - I knew in my heart, that I had to answer my calling, what I was destined to do, to fulfill my life's purpose. Yes, I had a not so nice boss, who helped me make that decision. But the boss who really made that decision was God.
Was I scared? Yes! Do I still get scared? Yes! However, again I must quote Wayne Dyer - "If you knew who walked beside you, you would never be afraid."
My friend looked at me and said "but I have a husband to fall back on and you don't." I smiled and replied, that's true I don't have a husband, but I have Faith in my God - the one who called me to my purpose.
And so as I reflect on this day and the events of my life over the last year, my heart is content and I know I made the right decision a year ago when I walked out those doors. If only, to give one person the courage to know that she too, can walk toward her dreams and believe that they will come true.
Thank you Lord for giving me the courage to walk this pathway. Thank you Lord for giving me the strength to get up everyday and take the next right step when that is all I can do. Thank you Lord for giving me the "knowing" of my life's mission - to help others to know that they have the power within them to change their life. Thank you Lord for helping me make a difference in one persons life.
I hear the rustle of the trees and feel the cool breeze touch my skin through the open door of my writing room. I never want these kind of nights to end. They remind me just how near God really is.
To the Moonlight ,
Posted by Kimberley Barker Nightingale at 12:14 AM