A Gift from My Mother

Yesterday, My Mom's husband, my niece and I had dinner together. I love Sunday, Family dinners - they give me such a warm feeling of tradition and togetherness. A time to catch up , a time to just "be" with each other.

We had a lot of laughs! In fact, another patron in the restaurant actually came over to us and told us that we ruined her dinner because we were laughing so loud! How random right? And I felt sorry for her, if she couldn't share in the joy of laughter!

And we cried too.. for the person who wasn't seated there with us. But her spirit was for sure! Every so often in the conversation we would talk about her and I could tell her husband was having a tough day. You see, my Mother asked me to publish her writings not two months before she died. I asked her husband to gather as much of her work as he could find so I could start to get my head together on how to do that.

My Mother , like me, had a file folder of individual pieces of paper where she jotted her thoughts down and she wrote things on her computer. Her husband went through many of those writings yesterday morning and cried in his green house.

As we said our goodbyes and he handed me my Mother's laptop and the folder that contained her writings, I watched him walkaway. He walked alone - without my Mom. Without the wheelchair, without the oxygen tank, without helping her into the truck. And my heart felt so sad.

You see, I am used to living alone without a partner - I have been doing it a long time. Do I like it? Most days I am ok with it, but I would love to have someone to share my life with. Am I used to it? Yes.. But my Mom's husband is not used to being alone and my heart went out to him.

On the drive home, my niece and I talked of various daily life things. I didn't want to focus on my Mom too much as I feel in some ways, we all need to start moving on as best we can.

I settled in for the night to watch my favorite show on the Hallmark Channel and I reached down to the file folder that contained my Mothers writings. And just as I had praised her work as a young girl when I first read them at the age of 12, I admired them now as a mature woman.

Did I cry? Yes.. Was my heart filled with warmth? Yes! There were writings addressed to my brother Scott, to myself, thoughts of her marriages and her sad heart when they ended, thoughts of Mother Earth - which I will definitely share with the world! And the beginnings of her children's book about a WoodChuck!

And as I read through them, I was reminded of something my Mother had said to me when I first started this blog. She said " the torch has been passed - you are officially a writer and a better one that I"

Well, if you were to read the beautiful musings of my Mother - I don't know that one could say I am the better writer.

 For the longest time, I never felt that I inherited any of my Mother's craftiness. She was such an artist in every way - she taught herself to sew, to knit, she made greeting cards , she was a great cook, she was a wonderful entertainer, she even taught herself how to use new technology. However, what I do know for sure - is that she gave me her Gift.

Her writings sit in the folder with her laptop, near the couch. I am not quite ready to dig in to create the publishing project of her work and mine - but I am getting close to it.

Thank you Mom for this Gift. I miss you every day - it's hard and I cry a lot but I am also trying to move on.

With Love and so much Gratitude in my heart,

Kimberley

I Write in my Pajamas - Is that Such a Bad Thing?

Goofy title for a blog yes? Well, as I was doing my morning writing and studying today, I was reading a passage from Elizabeth Gilbert's book called Big Magic. I have been referring to it in several of my blogs recently. It is truly inspiring to the creative spirit in all of us!

The chapter I was reading this morning was titled : Tristam Shandy Chimes In.  I was curious about the title and read on.  In this very short chapter she talks about another writer who, when he felt blocked or like life was just in this "stuck" stage , he would dress up in costume and present himself , in character to his writing. He would talk aloud to it and lo and behold, the inspiration would come!

I thought - wow, that is a neat trick! I never thought of doing that! I might just give it a go!

The next paragraph goes on to have Elizabeth Gilbert explain that she tried this on for size and stated the following:
             
              When I am feeling particularly sluggish and useless, and when I feel like my creativity is hiding from me, I  go look at myself in the mirror and say firmly: "Why wouldn't creativity hide from you Gilbert? Look at yourself!"  Then I go clean myself up . I take the goddamn scrunchie out of my   greasy hair. I get out of those stale pajamas and take a shower. ... I might even put perfume on! "

Elizabeth Gilbert says she never wears perfume but she will do it to "attempt to seduce creativity."

As I read this , I laughed out loud because you see. That is me! In this new creative life I have crafted for myself!   I was just telling someone that I don't get out of my pajamas until about 2 in the afternoon, because as soon as I get up , I am making coffee and head  to my writing tablet.  The morning hours are my best time for creativity and if I don't get that time, I am very cranky and I feel like I didn't brush my teeth all day - you know what I mean.

A friend called and woke me up this morning and we were just talking about morning routines and it was an odd coincidence that after the phone call, I read this chapter and discovered that Elizabeth Gilbert and I have similar routines!

I guess I have truly transitioned my life to that of a crazy, creative artist/writer.

The last sentence of this chapter says: "Seduce the Big Magic and it will always come back to you-the same way a raven is captivated by a shiny,spinning thing."

I know at times when I feel stuck in my life and my creativity, I yearn to organize something, change my clothes, cut my hair - anything to get that feeling back, that new inspiration or motivation.

So, I guess the next time I feel this way - I will dress up in costume and :"Seduce the Big Magic."

That sounds fun doesn't it! I can't wait to see what costumes come about! Who knows - what the next novel turns out to be! I already have an idea!

Write in your pajamas, or your favorite Disney character or paint in a 17th century ensemble! Whatever inspires you - do it!

To Your Creativity and Mine,

Kimberley

He Maketh No Mistakes

Today I have a special treat for my readers that was sent to me from my Grandmother this morning.  You see my Grandmother now lives in the Spirit world and I feel her presence more and more each day as I connect to her through my daily meditations.

I was sitting at my dining room table , coffee in hand, in the early morning hours, with just the dim light of the two lamps on my side board. I let the quiet surround me and I picked up the pen. I said a prayer of thanks and started on the page. I thought about my spirit guided meditations over the last few days and I looked up from the page.

And I looked straight at my bookshelf across the room that majestically holds a place in the dining room.  to give it a Hemingway /library feel. Immediately, my eyes fell upon a thick, old book. What was that? I didn't have my glasses on , so I got up from the chair and went to it. My Grandmother's Bible. It was calling to me.

I slid open the glass doors of the shelf and reached for it. It is old with the pages fading to a dusty yellowish/brown color and the black cover having a rough texture to it as I hold it in my hands, has come apart. I carry the Bible with cover and all back to my writing table and I open to the pages that I am supposed to explore. I feel honored to have this book in my hand, a gift from beyond. And I know it belongs on the shelves of this glass enclosed, cherry/brown wooden bookshelf.

She had a message for me and today I share it with you.

                                                   He Maketh  No Mistakes

                        My Father's way may twist and turn,  My heart may throb and ache.

                                              But in my Soul I'm glad I know 

                                                  He Maketh No Mistakes

                         My cherished plans may go astray, My hopes may fade away

                                          But still I'll trust my Lord to lead, 

                                            For He doth know the way.

                        Thou night be dark and it may seem that day will never break,

                                        I'll pin my faith, my all in Him .

                                               He Maketh No Mistakes.

                        There's so much now I cannot see, My eye sight far too dim, 

                         But come what may, I'll simply trust and leave it all to Him. 

                             For by and by the mist will lift and plain it all He'll make.

                                     Through all the way, though dark to me, 

                                            He Maketh No Mistakes!


I have no idea if my Grandmother wrote this or if she copied it from somewhere. It doesn't matter. 

Enjoy! 

And for those of you who would like a nice copy of this to hang on your wall at home, please send me a nice note to my email at kbnightingale@gmail.com and I will send it off to you! 

Love and Light,

Kimberley


 

Inspiration - "InSpirit"

Wayne Dyer continues to fill my morning writings and my thoughts as I walk through these days looking for motivation and support to continue on my life's purpose. I need him to see me through this. My books call to me - publish me. Write me.  Answer my calling. Share yourself with the world.

My cat Bailey sits all cozy on my red bathroom on the chair next to me keeping me company and watching me type. He is content and happy watching the letters appear on the page. The house is quiet as I write. I listen with attentive ears for my friend who is downstairs in my guest bedroom, healing from hip surgery. Will he stir while I write? I hope that I will be able to keep my morning writing ritual this morning without him needing me.

This is my favorite time of day to write as there are no distractions from the world quite yet and I can be alone with my books and my thoughts. And so I listen to Wayne Dyer talk about Inspiration and those that have inspired him in his life. Does he know that "He" has been my inspiration? My spiritual inspiration, my mentor as each day I reaffirm my purpose with his voice in my ears.

In his video on Inspiration, he talks of the story of Vincent Van Gogh  and Don Mclean's song that he wrote in the honor of the famous painter. I didn't know that this painter shot himself because his soul was in such turmoil. And who knew that his paintings never sold until his death? When I listen to Serena Dyer sing the song, Starry Starry Night, my heart was filled with sadness over such greatness feeling such grief within himself. How can that be? How can he create such amazing works, yet feel such depths of darkness?

His mother gave him the same name as she had given to a son born about a year prior who was still born. He felt like a replacement child? Oh, I see it as another chance, another try to bring the baby who was meant to be on this earth to life. Yet, he struggled. How I wish he could have known how wonderful he was while he was still alive. He died too young.

"One of the essential principles of living an inspired life is the knowing that our desires don't always arrive on our schedule. They arrive when they are supposed to. "  I stopped the youtube video several types to hear Wayne Dyer tell me that over and over and over again. I know he was speaking to me as I long for my first book to be published.

And so as I struggle to keep my promise to myself that I would write everyday and that yes, I will be a published author and my other private dreams will come true, I think of Wayne Dyer and all the people that inspired his life's work and his story of  Vincent Van Gogh. I don't think I will ever forget it.

I will not let my dreams die with me. I will live to see them come alive, no matter the effort , no matter when the time.

Dear Dr. Dyer - You Inspire Me! I hope you are hearing these words as I speak them in my head and type them on the computer screen. Thank you , I love you for being there for me, each day, each piece I write, each word I speak. You Inspire Me!

Kimberley